Work v Relationship War

smileyscientist

Hi Boardies, help needed! This is a long rant sorry!. Ive been seeing a guy from work who's lovely since Nov. Its my first serious relationship but not his(Im 23 and hes 26)He broke up with his ex in Nov and we just got into contact randomly. I didnt know until recently that I had just come on the heels of that breakup.
Anyhow, we made it official in Feb. And heres where the problem lies. When we first got into contact we were talking/texting everyday without fail. Things were great but we didnt meet up until Jan and when we did, it was then I really fell for him:) I should say here, that he broke his leg at xmas so was off work so it was very easy for us to see each ofter often, texting everday.
But hes back to work since Feb and, although I knew the dynmic would shift as regards, how often we would see each other, I never anticipated this differnece. If we see each other once/wk we'd be lucky and have stopped txting most days and if we do see each other I almosy always hae to instigate it or text first. He has a pretty high powered job, and is v driven by it but it just seems to be eating him up. His shifts are v irregualr so its hard to plan things. Even on his days off he has to go in and met some1 or do extra work. He loves his job, and I love that he is happy but it seems to eclispse everything else in his life, including me. Last nite, we went to the cinema( my suggestion as usual) and he even brought the laptop along to do work on the way, had it out again when we got home and worked on it until we went to bed. Hes not due into work today until 4 so I thought we could do something but he had to go in early AGAIN! He seems very distanced from me too in comparison to how he usedto be. I'm feeing v taken for granted and couldnt feel less desired..:(Im studying for exams at the moment and said jokingly this morn that he suprise me with something when they were over to test for his reaction- hes like 'yeah, you should know by now I'm not a v sentimental guy' although he was the complete opposite at the start!
Is this par for the course after a while in relationships?? I know I should make him aware of it, as I think hes completely oblivious of how I feel, but Im afraid he'll end it as he did this to his ex. I know Im making him out to sound like a nightmare but he's got a lot of great points too:)I really like him and just want him to appreciate me a little more and show a little more interest! Any advice greatly appreciated!:D

pwd

Ask him if his work always takes up so much of his time, or if he's under extra pressure after being out for a while.

Is he one of those managers lidl and aldi take in as grads? Apparently they burn most of them out pretty badly.

Cheap Thrills!

He sounds like a workaholic.

Miss Fluff

He sounds like a workaholic. I've been there and you will never be able to compete. You shouldn't have to. You're basically going out with an addict. Run at high speed as fast as your legs will carry you.

pwd

...or he's just under pressure right now because he was absent for a while and needs to catch up

people love to jump to conclusions on this forum; like to pretend they know all the answers and everything about someone's situation just by reading a few lines of text.

smileyscientist

Thanks for the replies guys. I think you've confirmed my suspicions. Its a mixture off being off (out of ation for 3 months) so playing catch up and being tied to the place. He told me his last GF broke it off after 2 yrs because he wasnt spending enough time with her. Apparantley it came completely out of the blue for him. I dont want that happening, the issue needs to be tackeled now before it gets out of hand. Like I said I wouldnt have entered into it if it was like this at the start but that said I really like this guy and the feeling is mutual so I'm not willing to give up w/out a fight:)

I'm going to make him aware of how I feel next time I see him, and in the meantime the ball's in his court if he wants to contact.

seenitall

Good luck with that!

I strongly agree with Miss Fluff.

Also, him saying "You know I'm not the sentimental type" is highly indicative of a self-absorbed cold fish, not just a simple workaholic... (imagine spending a lifetime with this guy! nightmare - can't you see you are little more than a convinience for him?? laptop in the cinema indeed!)

... so as I said, good luck, you're gonna need it.

Faith

Miss Fluff wrote: »

He sounds like a workaholic. I've been there and you will never be able to compete. You shouldn't have to. You're basically going out with an addict. Run at high speed as fast as your legs will carry you.

I'd agree. If he's like this now, it will only get worse over time, in my experience. Over a period of 18 months, my ex took on more and more things until he had no time for me, and eventually started complaining about the few hours we did spend together. I could never compete with the other things, and that's largely one of the reasons we broke up.

My advice is to get out of there before you get too attached and can't. I've been promised that there's plenty of guys out there who will make you their world .

MissHoneyBun

Faith wrote: »

I'd agree. If he's like this now, it will only get worse over time, in my experience.
My advice is to get out of there before you get too attached and can't. I've been promised that there's plenty of guys out there who will make you their world .

Sound advice from Faith. It says a lot that this guy was never like this at the start. It seems like he's dropped the act now that he's won you over. I'm sick of guys who reel women in like this and then the true colours emerge once an emotional attachment has been made. There are no bullsh1t excuses for this in a long term relationship. Yeah we all have things that crop up now and again but it doesn't excuse taking other people for granted in the long term. If the guy loves you, he'll make your relationship a priority, end of story. If he doesn't, he's not worth the hassle. Simple as.