Help!

theloke87

I am the mother of a 6 year old child who will not sleep through the night!
His bed time routine is as follows; 8 o clock upstairs to bed, brush teeth, go to the toilet. He has a story every night and then we have a cuddle I tuck him in and say goodnight. All good so far.

The problem is from about 11:30/12 he starts waking up. Anything from 2 or 3 times to 10 or 15! This has been going on now for almost 3 years and I dont know what else to do.

The doctor thought he may have seperation anxiety and referred him to psychologist. They said it was not a mental health issue and said to go back to the doctor. Now I dont know what to do.
Please help!!!

Oryx

What does he do when he wakes up, and how do you respond to him?

When he goes asleep initially is there a light on, and if so, is this light left on?

Ickle Magoo

What have you tried so far? There are lots of techniques out there, it's just a question of finding one that works for your wee fella. Is there a reason for the waking? Toilet or thirsty or something? Or is it just looking for you?

Have you tried rapid return? That's what got our wee man staying in bed after three years of coming into ours. No eye contact, no talking just turn them around and take them back to bed and walk out the room. Sometimes it takes hundreds of returns to break the cycle but it does break it - there is no attention for getting up so there is no point to it. The three nights I spent camped out on the landing was no fun but it definitely worked!

theloke87

He sleeps with the hall light on and his door open. I thought maybe leaving the light on in his room was waking him.

When he wakes up I just bring him straight back into bed and leave again. Ive done this since it started so recently I've tried not to bring him back and explaining that he gets tucked in once when he goes to bed and thats it. But this just leads to tantrums at half 3 in the morning.

He's not hungry of thirsty, and only the odd time would he need to go to the toilet. He seems to just be looking for me.

I dont want to have him sleeping in the bedroom because I dont think it'll make the situation any better in the long run. My partner has to get up at 6 every morning for work so we dont really have much of a choice....

How long did it take to get your little man to sleep through with the rapid return?

metrovelvet

I think you should see another psychologist.

Ok my son is a lot younger [three] but I had his whole bedtime situation sorted out. IT took a lot of hard work, patience and perseverence. I didnt have a cot for a long time, so he was used to sleeping next to me and I had to transition him then into his cotbed in his own room. And things were fine.

Things were fine until an event in his life triggerred all sorts of separation anxieites, fears, etc and now I cant get him out of my bed. He waits in his room until im asleep and then crawls in. I have no fight left in me. Ive had three years of broken sleep and I am a broken woman. I surrender.

It stinks after all that hard work and now its worse than square one. Not saying its separation anxiety, with your guy but it seems he is looking for reassurances for some reason, and even as adults, night time can bring all our little anxities to the fore.

Ickle Magoo

theloke87 wrote: »

How long did it take to get your little man to sleep through with the rapid return?

It took a good couple of weeks of literally living on the landing & the minute he opened the door, taking his hand without looking at him or talking and taking him back to bed, no explanations, no questions, nothing. We must have done it a thousand times and often he screamed and cried out of frustration but we stuck with it and while we still wake up with him in our bed the odd time, ninety-nine times out of a hundred he's fine in his own bed now, even getting up to go to the loo or get a drink and then goes back into his own bed.

It definitely gets worse around growth spurts and developmental jumps but I'm certain in our case, it's just a sleep training issue. He slept in with us on and off for three years then wanted his own bed, then wanted back into ours just as we'd gotten used to having the bed to ourselves!

smelltheglove

I've got a 7 yr old that was a lot like that until the past year. She is a lot calmer now that she shares a room with her little sister. She was always afraid of the dark but I suppose the bright light would keep her awake so now the door is kept open and the light in on in the hall. She is sent to bed at around 8.30 and given a half hour or so of tv time. I try to encourage her to read a book instead but she has no interest in it. I find that the more time I spend in the room the more she would want me there so I dont even do the tuck in anymore, then she is not relying on me to stay or waiting on me to come back to her, she knows its bed and that is it. Her mid night waking has dramatically reduced in the past year, she will still wake the odd time but no so much. There is always a cup or water or juice by her bed in case she does wake thirsty, then at least she wont wake up anymore by having to come downstairs or to my room.

I realise this is very hard on you, it can be very tiring having a child that does not need as much sleep as the rest of us, my daughter would still wake by 7 at the latest, even if she stays awake late but as they get older and are less reliant on you it can get much easier. I dont baby my daughter at all, if she has to get up very early fair enough, she can sit and watch tv or play with her toys but she understands now it is not fair to wake the whole house up just because she is awake. This time 2 years ago I wouldnt have let her come down and watch tv on her own, I'd have to get up with her but now it is much easier.

theloke87

He used to sleep with me until he was about 2 & a half and then he got his own room. I was expecting some difficulties getting him used to sleeping on his own but I never thought it would go on this long! I suppose I'll just have to go back and start again. Hopefully it'll work.

He is alot more independent now. Most of the time he doesnt need me during the day, it just seems to be at night.

Thanks so much for all your advice everyone! Really appreciate it.

Tipsygypsy

Hey there, have you tried offering a reward as incentive? For instance if he does 10 nights without getting up you bring him somewhere special - be it the cinema, zoo, activity centre - whatever he would enjoy. I had similar difficulties with my son (he's 7 also) but we finally got it sorted (and my other sons bedwetting) with the arrival of bunk beds. They had been asking for them for ages but had been told there was no way they were getting them until all our night time issues were sorted. We've had them over a month and have had no problems so far (althoug Ive probably just jinxed it by posting this). Obviously it doesnt have to be as dramatic as bunk beds, just something he would really enjoy.

CrazyRabbit

Have you tried talking to him during the day, setting some boundaries of what is and is not acceptable, and getting him to agree to a punishment (of his choice) if he breaches those boundaries?

i.e....explain that getting up at night is not acceptable, and that if he does it he has to choose a punishment. Let/Make him come up with a list of suitable punishments (perhaps offer a few suggestions, but they must be his choices). Write these down, and have him sign/agree to them.

Then, he clearly knows that if he does something unacceptable that he will have to choose one of his own punishments. The core of self discipline.

Couple this with a reward for positive reinforcement when he goes X number of days with acceptable behaviour, and I'm sure the problem will be resolved soon.

Note that I don't use the terms 'good' or 'bad' behaviour. You should stick consistently with the terms 'acceptable' and 'not acceptable'. These have a stronger meaning and are much less vague to a child. If needed, use 'allowed', and 'not allowed' instead if their vocabulary is less developed.

Best of luck to you!

theloke87

I have tried star charts with rewards after every 5 stars that he can choose himself. I've also spoken to him during the day adn asked him why he gets up every night etc. He doesnt know himself which is no suprise. I've also gone down the route of telling him he cant go out and play during the day if he gets up, but it never made a difference to the sleepless nights.

This is where I have the dilemma... I've done alot of researching on the internet about his sleppless nights and the differnet things I can try but none of them have seemed to work. I'm just hoping he'll grow out of it very soon!!! There is nothing worse then sleep deprivation!

I want to thank everyone for their help though!