How to help my partner during pregnacy?

laurpat

My beautiful partner told me last week that she is pregnant and we are both over the moon, I’ve a few questions and any help would be appreciated

1. I want to know - what are the useful things I can do to make my partners life easy

2. My partner loves to cycle her bike to work and also go to the gym, she is continuing life as normal. Should I be concerned or is there any other activates I can encourage her to be involved in that is not so strenuous. The poor girl is wrecked at the end of each day. I don’t want to be fighting or telling her what to do so if anyone can advise in this capacity it would be great.

3. My partners work is quite physical with some lifting, She is also on her feet all day. She is in a managerial position and can delegate out the work but she is very slow to do so as she does not want anyone to know. How can we overcome this.

4. I’m also afraid I’m taking over as “do this” and “don’t do that” , which must be awful for my partner. How do I stop.

Thank you for taking the time to read the above. All advice will be taken on board and greatly appreciated.

Spinach

Regarding cycling, I am about 25 weeks pregnant and still cycling several times a week. I recently adjusted my handlebars so that I can sit up straighter to acommodate my bump but in the early months this was no problem, so I see no reason why she shouldn't continue if she's comfortable with it. Now I don't live in a city and I have good cycling lanes so I don't have any extra safety considerations. Also some people say that your balance can be affected but I am pretty sure this would only be in later pregnancy too if at all.

Exercise in general is fine and to be encouraged so I wouldn't have any worries about the gym either, but just as a normal precaution she should probably mention to her doctor what her level of activity is and if there are any specific moves to avoid.

Overdoing things at work is where I would be a bit more cautious. If she's in a role where she's entitled to delegate, she shouldn't have to justify herself - but on the other hand, it's inevitable that some people will guess before we want to tell them, I think that's something we all have to live with. After all, her health and safety is more important.

Well congratulations OP on wanting to be a supportive partner and dad! I think you can trust your partner's instincts on most of this, good luck!

Mammy2B

I've been dizzy since week 2! There were days when I definitely could not get on a bike safely. She'll know herself though, and as long as she is careful there is absolutely no need to stop excercise, once it's not too strenuous.
With regards to her work she needs to know her own limits and not be a "hero" that will do everything herself. If the work is posing a risk to the baby she may be entitled to change her duties while pregnant:

The right to health and safety leave from employment in Ireland is set out under Section 18 of the Maternity Protection Act 1994. A woman is granted health and safety leave from employment in Ireland if her employer cannot remove a risk to her health while she is pregnant, or breastfeeding, or assign her alternative "risk-free" duties.

(From the Citizens Informations web-page)
My partner is also on a bit of a do/dont rant lately. I take it as a show of love and concern for me and our unborn baby, not criticism, so it doesn't bother me!
Good luck to you and your family!

wmpdd3

I was the same, I'm a manager in retail and as soon as I bought a new ladder for my staff to use and stopped using it myself, half of them had their suspicions. But since then they have been great.

From week 10 to 15 I was so wrecked. Weather it's being on your feet all day or just physical work all day. When I did get bursts of energy and say I wanted to go swimming, I know my other half was thinking yeah and you won't be able to move tomorrow, but he said nothing.

One thing that really got my goat is when I was really sick, I was buying loads of food but not getting round to eating it or just having cereal and he was giving me this look as in 'you should be eating better'. But it's just not possible.

Now at 16 weeks I feel much better and eat normally again.

oicherider

Hey man.. Congrats to you both!!

My wife is 13 weeks preg with our 1st also!! Happy days eh!!

Heres my take on it so far..

Firstly.. regarding what can you do for her - Thats easy.. what ever you can.. If your wife is like mine she will be absolutely shattered until about week 12! I did the cooking and washing etc for her and just let her rest as much as she could - Tell her to lie down in front of the telly put her feet up and give her a cup of tea.. chances are she wont finish it by the time she'll be asleep.

Secondly (if you havent experienced it already) you will have the hormones to deal with.. You will probably be eaten over something trivial, there will be tears and you will be an ass!! but dont worry.. a few hours (or maybe days) later you'll be the best husband in the world.. In short dont dismiss what she is say but dont take anything to heart.. leave it off.. You might even have a few times where it will end up quite funny as she will realise it and end up laughing and crying at the same time! It took me a good few days to figure out what was going on to start with though..

Thirdly offer her any and all the reassurance that you can.. Tell her that everything will be ok (and it will) Tell her that she is doing a great job growing ye're child and that you are nothing short of in awe of her.. Should anyone offend her (I still cant believe it but someone made a crass drunken remark to her about her news - It can happen).. Dont let them away with it - Dont land yourself on jail over it but do NOT let them away with it!! She will be feeling vulnerable and it is your job to show her that she has nothing to worry about as long as she is with you.. (I found out where the prick lived and went down there and tore him a new one!!.. would have loved to have hammered him but im not gonna do time for a c*nt like that!!) Sorry about that little rant..

They are the main points that I can think of.. There is a pregnancy and babies, and a mothers and kids section on weddingsonline.ie that my wife uses and you can get some very useful info there too man..

To be honest I feel like a bit of a fraud telling you the above when its my first time to go through it too.. Suppose im just a few weeks ahead!

Oh ya.. and just wait for the first scan - That'll be a day you will remember for the rest of your life!!!

Anyways best of luck and congrats again!!

oicherider

Oh ya sorry - and I dont do the do this - dont do that.. The furthest that I would go is to ask if she is sure that its OK to do something or other and perhaps suggest the if she thought that doing something would help the little one.. Dont think id be keen at all at all on the cycling though.. All you need is one fool in a car! I think id just be pointing out the very real risks!!

bogtotty

I stopped cycling and horseriding once I got to 13 weeks at the insistence of my GP. Before that, the baby is safely positioned withing the pelvis; after 13 weeks they are no longer protected by this and are at risk if the mother suffers a fall. It's just not worth the risk as far as I'm concerned. Others might think that's being overly cautious, but I'd compare it to being in a car without a seatbelt - more than likely nothing will happen, but could you live with yourself if it did?

+1 on doing extra housework, especially in the first and last trimesters. As the pregnancy progresses, give loads of backrubs and make sure she doesn't have to do too much lifting of heavy things at home. Buy her some pregnancy relaxation CDs (I found the Gentlebirth ones by Tracy Donegan great) and make sure she takes 30 mins every evening to chill out and listen to them. There's stuff for dads-to-be on there too, you can listen together.

You could encourage her to swim and to sign up for a pregnancy yoga class instead of hitting the gym so regularly - these activities are brilliant for preparing the body for the birth, for maintaining fitness and for helping with recovery afterwards.

Go with her to antenatal classes.

Be gently encouraging of breastfeeding - supportive partners are hugely influential on breastfeeding rates.

Take loads of photos even if she doesn't want you to as she'll regret not having pics of the bump.

As she gets bigger, tell her she is amazing and sexy with increasing frequency as most likely she'll feel like a small planet and won't feel good about that.

I don't know what to advise on the 'do this/don't do that' front. Maybe the both of you should get stuck into the pregnancy books and discuss issues as they arise, like diet, risky activities etc, and come to an agreement on how much ye think life needs to change. 'What to expect when you're expecting' and 'The better birth book' are my personal favourites. I don't recommend the Irish pregnancy book by Peter Boylan, it's far too focused on what makes life easier for consultants rather than being mother/baby-centric and tries to normalise intervention-laden labours.

As for work, if she doesn't want to 'fess up just yet, she could always feign a bad back. If that becomes an issue, she could just let her superior know (she'll have to inform them soon for finding out about her maternity benefits anyway).

And congratulations, enjoy the ride!

Eds

Hey,

Sounds like you are already doing a great job by asking what you can do for her. Don't worry she will tell you what she wants/needs from you.

Just wanted to say on the cycling that you both have to be comfortable with it. Afterall it is your child too. I was really active prior to getting pregnant and continued to do everything to 8 weeks. My GP recommended running may not be the best as the extra weight is tough on the joints but did point out the baby was in no danger whatsoever. I am 31 weeks pregnant and still cycle commuting daily to work (nearly 10miles a day). Being able to do this has kept me sane (not to mention fit). My GP and the midwives in the hospital have all told me that it is a great thing to do as long as you obviously take care. I have not had any problems with balance, the hardest part is getting the "leg over" as I ride a bike with a crossbar. My husband cycles too and does not have a problem with me continuing to cycle as long as I feel able. He knows staying fit is important to me and that it will help me with the delivery and recovery. Your partner will slow down in her own time...I am total plod now and used to be a real speedster. Our bodies have a way of stopping you from doing too much.

Other than that swimming is great, antenatal yoga classes also come highly recommended by the midwives, aqua aerobics, walking...there are plenty of options out there.

Remember to tell her how much you love her and that you still find her attractive, she may not feel it and may need to hear it more than before.

There is a great book out there called Blokes Guide to Pregnancy, I'm sure there are other good ones targetted and Dads to be as well. These will help you get your head around what she is going through.

With regards to work I think you are just going to have to trust her to handle this situation herself. Be there for her if she wants to talk about it and encourage her to tell someone early on for some extra support, I told my boss at 9 weeks and felt all the better for doing so.

Good luck and enjoy this time
Eds

gandalf

Hey there I think the best thing to do is ensure that your partner knows that you are there for her. I try and wait for my wife to ask me to help her because otherwise she feels I am crowding her or covering here in cotton wool unnecessarly (she is quite an independent woman). During quiet moments a back massage or foot massage is always appreciated especially if she is suffering from any fluid retention. And most of all talk to her and tell her how much she (and the new addition) mean to you.