A little humor

L.Jenkins

The Perfect Diet

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Athena the wonder dog at Wal-Mart and was about to check out, when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant?
So since I'm retired, with little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again... although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her No; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!
WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.
(Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.)

EDIT: Found at http://humour.200ok.com.au/the-perfect-diet.php

starbelgrade

There's a Wal-Mart in Athlone?

L.Jenkins

No

starbelgrade

djhunter30 wrote: »

No

Is there anything in Athlone?

landsleaving

So it's ask a silly question, get a measured, witty response now?

I shall adapt accordingly.

L.Jenkins

Yeah, water, some buildings, a castle and not much else! Shit hole!

DazMarz

I like it... Good story and a great story reflecting the adage of "Ask the stupid question..."

L.Jenkins

That's the whole point with a hint of humour to it

L.Jenkins

http://humour.200ok.com.au/img/women-chemical-analysis.jpg

Des Carter

A cowboy walks into a small town in the wild west and decides to head to the bar. As he arrives at the saloon he sees an old man sitting in a rocking-chair chewing some tobacco with an angry looking rottweiler type dog lying on the wooden footpath beside him. The cowboy walks over and drops to one knee infront of the dog.

He then turns to the old man and asks
"Does yo dog bite"

There was no change in the old mans expression and he continued rocking steadily. Finally after spitting out the bacco he replies with a calm clear
"No, he wouldn't hurt a fly"

With that the cowboy was satisfied and streached out his arm to pet the dog and sure enough before he had time to blink the dog snapped and took a chunk off his hand.
The injured cowboy stumbled backward holding his wounded arm with his other hand, all while the old man continued to gently sway with with the same blank expression on his face.

Finally the cowboy stood up, looked at the man and said
"you told me yo dog doesn't bite"

The man looked up at him, pointed to the dog on the ground and simply said in the same calm cool voice
"That there aint my dog"

KevinVonSpiel

This thread should just be called: Little humour.

dubtom

Des Carter wrote: »

A cowboy walks into a small town blabla
"That there aint my dog"

You robbed this from Jokes of the year 1857,didn't you.

sbsquarepants

starbelgrade wrote: »

There's a Wal-Mart in Athlone?

There's a wall, and a mart. So, almost:D

Dravokivich

A bit more humour -> http://boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=22