Am I being played?

LegacyUser

Ill try and make this short people. I'm a young man and its my birthday tomorrow. I have little experience when it comes to ladies, always have been and to make a long long story short, I fell in love with a work colleague, who was in a relationship. We got close, had a small holiday together and everyting, full blown affair. I'm not proud of it, but all through it I thought I she was going to leave him for me and it would all be happy. There were deeper issues and I was literally boderline suicidal and seen a counsellor throughout. Lots off issues came to a head and its the most traumatic thing Ive been through.

I somehow found the courage to end this adventure, about 2 or 3 months ago and its been very difficult as I see her in work once a week at weekends.

I gave her an ultimatum, me or the boyfreind, as being a second man/other man was causing me serious mental stress. Come to think of it she never gave me a straight answer but between the lines she basically wouldnt commit to me. I said no hard feelings, Im going to move on, this ends now. Bit of back and forward for a week or two but in the last month I have really made an effort in moving on.

Last week at work, without detailing it, she was trying to make me jealous, as if to say heres what youre missing. I booked off 3 weeks from work to escape this. At the weekend I recived 2 texts from her which I know to be constructed by her, "sent to me by mistake" to make me jealous. I ignored them.

Today, she rings my house, refused to identify herself to my mother. When i spoke to her she said she had a card for me and to meet her for a drink or two. I told her no, and after some back and forward by text, i eventually told her she was selfish, to **** off, or I would have a chat with her boyfreind.

I'm reeling from this communication today. I'm doing a great job moving on. I love this girl but its a fatal attraction and the lessons I have learned are unreal, and that includes not to have a ****ing affair with someone again.

My question is, why the hell does she contact me, after she ultimately rejected me, she has a boyfreind. Its as if "i dont want you but i dont want anyone to have you". Can someone offer an explanation? Im changing my number tomorrow, but Im expecting her to visit the house This is how my mind runs away with itself.

Sorry for this being so long, and I could have been more detailed. If you have any questions just ask, thanks so much for reading.

LegacyUser

Ok its really simple she wants you for sex.

yes thats it nothing else and she knows you want her so shes telling you what you want to hear so that you will have sex with her.

end of story

LegacyUser

It wasn't the best idea to have an affair, but you know that now.

She sounds like a bit of a nut job. If she contacts you again, make it very clear that you do not want any contact from her- no phone calls, emails, cards, turning up at the door. If she doesn't take that on board, tell her that you're keeping note of all documentation, emails, calls that she makes etc and you will not hesitate going to the police with it. Mentioning the police might wake her up a bit.

I wouldn't advise saying anything to the boyfriend as that would just involve you even more in her life than you already need.

Stand firm and good luck

Cullen82

I know the affair is nothing to be proud of but forget about that part for now everyone has their sins.....Well done You for giving the ultimatum and trying to move on - that to me would be the hardest part in all of this.

You've no option but to keep doing what you are doing unless she decides to leave her partner and be faithful to you (can you see that happening though considering shes just after cheating on her current fella?)

And YES she wants you all for herself, She sees you moving on and forgetting about her which is driving her nuts - shes also clearly not happy in her current relationship - We all want what we cant have.

Try not to get down about it and don't wait around for her - keep on moving on Good luck with it!

seenitall

She wants her cake and eat it. What is difficult to understand here? Selfish, manipulative and obsessive female. I feel sorry for her bf.

You are doing everything right at the moment. Just be strong, reinforce your boundaries and make her understand that if she carries on with her little games, she could well lose her boyfriend as well as you (by the means of you blowing the lid off everything).

I'm glad you have learned your lessons. The best of luck.

LegacyUser

Thanks so much for the quick replies.

I remember writing on this months ago, asking for advice on the girl at work that I stayed in her house and everything, shocking with all that has happened since, absolute trauma.

It just kills me to think that she could have made a choice to be with me, but wont, but will still keep contacting me even though I have made it clear I do not want to be a second man. Every time I think she has accepted it and leave me alone, she contacts me again. Its so damn difficult because I still think, every single night lying in bed, what could have been, and I think there is still hope there. I gave her a right telling off the last time, so fingers crossed. I wouldnt tell her boyfreind to be honest, but I guess no harm threatning it. Thanks for your replies again people, I think I have my answers.

Ickle Magoo

played wrote: »

My question is, why the hell does she contact me, after she ultimately rejected me, she has a boyfreind. Its as if "i dont want you but i dont want anyone to have you". Can someone offer an explanation? Im changing my number tomorrow, but Im expecting her to visit the house This is how my mind runs away with itself.

Only she knows for sure but I imagine it's a power thing. She had two guys chasing her and that was very good for her ego and now she is back to one - the same one she cheated on and so she is clearly not fulfilled by. So now she's trying to get her ego stroke and great sex back.

Keep doing what you are doing. If you don't give any indication you are caving or want something to with her, she'll soon stop bothering you.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

I have issues letting go of the hope Any advice on that? Deep down a part of me is hoping she will cave and choose me eventually? (Do I even want this girl )
All very difficult to deal with...

seenitall

C'mon, OP, you can do it. Stay strong. Don't let yourself be played for a fool. Stay well away, that woman is toxic and you know it.

I may be going a bit off-topic here, but I hope you won't mind me saying that you must be lacking in confidence and self-esteem if you can let such a person get to you like this. You should know that you deserve so much more.

Work on your self-esteem. That is one thing we need in life so much and many people don't realise that having self esteem and self love is paramount and necessary to make a good relationship with a loving partner work.

Just to make things clear: yer one = not a loving partner. Either to you or her bf.

Fairly obvious, really!