Man Rules (for women)

Kent Brockman

We always hear ‘the rules’ From the female side. Now, here for the first time in written form, Are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note: these are all numbered ‘1′ ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports… It’s like the full moon Or the changing of the tides. Just let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and Void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask for our opinion.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, Then do it yourself.

1. Unless it’s an emergency, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions; Neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, Like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. And we have No idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it’s just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, Absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. And Yes, I realize I’ll have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s kinda like camping out.

Son Of A Vidic

A brave soul indeed, I await the crashing storm. I'll sit on the fence here, but if you need some Man help later, I'll enter the fray comrade.

krudler

The toilet seat one is brilliant, when did society all agree that the default place for it is down? women should stfu about it and just do what we do, move it to its correct position when we need to, end of complaining.