I want her to take control...

LegacyUser

Myself and my girlfriend have a great sex life. She's beautiful and sexy and we are crazy about eachother, but there is one small thing that is slightly bugging me... When we have sex, I pretty much always initiate it, and when it acutally comes to the act itself, I just seem to make ALL the decisions - and she never really takes control at all.

Now in the past when I've bene with girls be it one night stands or girls I'm seeing for a short time, I'm used to dicating exactly how the sex goes pretty much - realtically most of the time a women want a man to take control etc and tell her what to do when necessary. This is fine but when you are in a more long term relationship, it gets kinda boring making ALLL the decisions. Just sometimes i'd like her to take control - I'd really get off on actually going exactly what SHE wants.

So I've tried to suggest it but she's does't really want to. I think maybe she's just not that forward confident in dicating what happens in the bedroom. When I say "But I just want to do what you like" she responds " You already do, I love everything you do".

I bought her a book on karma sutra to give her a few ideas. Also got her a vibrator which was new to her, she was not too keen on it but she has liked it the few times we've used it. I dunno I just want her to be more forward etc. I would understand if a 19 year old was a bit embarrassed but she's in her md 20's... I did talk to a female friend and she said it's fairly typical that women don't really know what the are doing or really what they want until a bit later in life, is this accurate?

Any advice for me?

Mods you can move to S&S if this becomes to much for PI.
Thanks

pwd

you're all backwards. you're already doing what she wants. What you want is for her to do what you want, which apparently is to be bossed around a bit.
Be a bit more straightforward with her, instead of saying you want to do what she wants, which probably just makes you sound insecure and confuses her.

LegacyUser

Women get a lot less inhibited as they get into their 30's and 40's.

LegacyUser

I would not say I want to be bossed about, but I'd find it a turn on that she knows what she wants and isn't afraid to ask for it.

Are most women shy like this and what can I do to change it?

shellyboo

First off, the karma sutra is a book of sexual positions - that's not gonna help your missus be more dominant in the bedroom.

And pwd is right, you ARE all backwards. Her being bossy is not about you catering to her needs; it's obviously about her catering to yours... you're the one who wants her to be dominant, she's perfectly happy with your sex life.

You need to approach it a different way. Instead of making out like it's something you want to do for her, you need to ask her to try to be more assertive and demanding FOR YOU.

Problem is, she may not be comfortable with this - I can give directions and guidance as well as the next woman, but at heart I just want to be bossed around, lol You just have to ask her to do it for you and hope that she'll oblige.

LegacyUser

I had the same problem with a gf once. I know how frustrating it can be. Although it doesn't always work try sitting her down and having a proper conversation with her about it. Try to find out the reasons behind why she is so submissive in the bedroom. It could be the case that she is self-conscious or embarrassed by the thought of being more dominant.

Most women prefer their partner to be the more dominant one and always initiate things. While thats fine most of the time, i don't believe it should be up to the guy to always do everything. A lot of the time its do with that society expects this and she thinks deep down that anything else would be "unladylike". Personally i think thats BS. And i wouldnt stick around with a girl who kept that up. Most guys do in fact like their partners to initiate things every so often and be dominant. Guys are often left feeling unwanted when they dont.

Its tricky to solve but something that worked for me was to just stop initiating sex altogether. It seems drastic, but after a while she will get the point and perhaps realise she is going to have to make an effort too. A lot of women actually enjoy being dominant and perhaps once she tries it she will too.

Best of Luck OP.

miss5

Despite being in her mid twenties, perhaps she is inexperienced in which case
you should talk to her about it and tell her you would enjoy her taking control.
Some girls enjoy being submissive so you will both have to find a happy medium.

Ickle Magoo

pwd wrote: »

you're all backwards. you're already doing what she wants. What you want is for her to do what you want, which apparently is to be bossed around a bit.
Be a bit more straightforward with her, instead of saying you want to do what she wants, which probably just makes you sound insecure and confuses her.

+1

Just to add, have a chat to her about what turns you on and what you like in a relaxed, private, informal setting but don't start discussing anything that could possibly be construed as a criticism of her sexual adventurism while having/about to have sex.

Best of luck