on a break

LegacyUser

i was going out with a girl for 5 months and she decided that it was not what she wanted. she broke it off with me and we were apart for 3 months. after this time we got in touch and started to see each other again.i asked her had she met anyone in the meantime and she said no. all was going fine until i found a box of condoms in her room. she then admitted that she had been with a guy, said she did not have full sex, as in she stopped it.
i was devastated i must admit. it was a really romantic idea that we had split and got back together but this has really hurt. i know people will say we were on a break but this really hurts. i would appreciate your views
thanks

TitoPuente

I'd say just get over it and take it as a fresh start. If neither of you were virgins before you met, then you both have a sexual history so it's six of one, half a dozen of another. 'Going on a break' never means just that - it means breaking up. If you happen to get back together again afterwards then it's (kind of) starting from scratch.

krudler

That sounds more like you broke up, not were on a break, so she was free to do what she liked, I wouldnt be happy she lied either but its up to you whether you can look past it or not.

mobilecore

Op,
Its a grey area. But Yes. It would hurt.
Lets just be all honest people, just because we break up with someone doesnt mean we stop having feelings for them... (well that all depends on weather who is the one breaking up tho right?) But in your case op. Yeah, i can see why your hurt. As most would. Its natural when you have feelings or someone.


There is one grey area tho - the time... 3 months. This so called "break" was a "breakup" ...

Personally OP my belief is that if two people break up and then get back together in a very short time then YES ITS WRONG. I'm talking 2/3 weeks. Because obviously in that time you were still on their mind. And if they get back with you, well you were what they wanted right? If anyone says otherwise than that they are a liar. But 3 months.... different story. She was single.


But I'd be more worried why you are her are back together. I dont mean to stir things up. But lets look at this, she broke up with you, claiming she didnt want what yous had, fair enough, she slept with other men while single (more than one I say), she was single fair enough, but then wants to have that relationship again?

Op, I am sorry to be so blunt. But the facts are there. She wanted the single life. Sleep with others. Again, Fine fair enough. Then suddenly she wants back? even if getting back together "happened" naturally. What happened to her not wanting it.

This might sound like a crap example, but its like you being in a job. You quit telling the manager "this is not what I want" - 3 months later you feel like "you want to work there again" - what the grass wasnt greener on the otherside?... think about it.

MissyN

unfortunately its just one of those things that you have to accept and try to not think about it too much.

You must look at the positives, she really didn't do much with the guy and you are back together with her now......you should be delighted with that.

Don't let something meaningless spoil what you two could potentially have together. And don't keep bringing it up, otherwise it'll be breakup part II.
It could have been much worse.

LegacyUser

thanks folks for your opinions, i suppose i should try to forget but it aint easy. i always wonder did she break it off with me to be with him. thats what really hurts

krudler

flanagan 49 wrote: »

thanks folks for your opinions, i suppose i should try to forget but it aint easy. i always wonder did she break it off with me to be with him. thats what really hurts

Hard to say but probably, I hate the "take a break" thing, you may as well just call it what it is, breaking up. Its basically the other person saying they have or want to be interested in someone else and want to play the field a bit, knowing you'll still be there when they decide to "give it another go" when it doesnt work out with the new person.

Ickle Magoo

flanagan 49 wrote: »

thanks folks for your opinions, i suppose i should try to forget but it aint easy. i always wonder did she break it off with me to be with him. thats what really hurts

I think "taking a break" should be renamed "having your cake and eating it" - because essentially that's what it is. Everything you ever wanted to do but morals wouldn't allow while you were going out while still dangling your poor partner along should the grass turn out not to be such a lovely shade of green. It's hardly surprising you are now having difficulties equating someone happy to do that to you with a trust-worthy, loving partner. It could be that you just can't do "breaks" and once someone has decided they don't want to be with you then that's the end of the relationship - you're not comfortable with them calling time and taking a holiday from their commitment and loyalty to you, lots of people are like that - myself included.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

when we broke up it was for good, we did not intend to get back together

desmurphy

why do women do thimks like that. they have a guy that loves them and then they go off with a randomer

Ickle Magoo

flanagan 47 wrote: »

when we broke up it was for good, we did not intend to get back together

So you weren't "on a break" at all, the thread title is misleading - you'd agreed the relationship was over...were you expecting her to be more chaste and spend longer grieving over the relationship or something?

desmurphy

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

So you weren't "on a break" at all, the thread title is misleading - you'd agreed the relationship was over...were you expecting her to be more chaste and spend longer grieving over the relationship or something?

thats a bit harsh, we would like to feel that of someons has feelings for us that it would take more than a week to get over us

General Zod

you had broke up. you had no claim to her frame, so to speak. Either move on with your life together or break up with her and move on with your life alone.

Ickle Magoo

desmurphy wrote: »

thats a bit harsh, we would like to feel that of someons has feelings for us that it would take more than a week to get over us

A week? Where do you get that from?

The point is, they were only going out for five months and then split up for three, I don't think the OP should be overly broken-hearted about anything that went on. I appreciate he's a bit miffed that she moved on so quickly but if she was head over heels, she wouldn't have suggested breaking up in the first place.

She has now decided she does want to be in a relationship with the OP, he can assume that she's got whatever doubts she has out of her system and get on with it or break up because she wasn't adequately chaste when they split after only 5 months together, I think it's a bit early to be devastated or having romantic notions. :cool:

krudler

flanagan 47 wrote: »

when we broke up it was for good, we did not intend to get back together

wasnt a break then, you just broke up, lets be honest being together for 5 months isnt a lifetime, and you were apart 3 months when she was with someone else? it sucks thinking you're back together with someone after they've been with another person but you broke up permenantley, how was she to know you'd get back together?

whatsamsn

I think the fact the op's girlfriend had sex with others while broken up is not really the issue anymore. We all agree they were broken up and it was 3 months. She was single.

However upon hearing the full facts. This girl broke it off with you because she wanted a, someone else or b, to be single and mingle. As Ickle Magoo said maybe something she couldnt do cause of morals - I agree.

She will eventually break up again. This is a classic case of thinking the grass was greener on the otherside.