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In need of advice!!!

  • 19-04-2010 10:38pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I'm 24, and I'm six months pregnant....

    Me and my ex split up before I realised I was pregnant and although he promised to be there and help in both financial ways and in general everyday ways he has let me down every step of the way so far...

    I am at my wits end and I am on the verge of walking away and having nothing more to do with him until he proves himself to me for a decent amount of time...

    Is this the right thing to do or should I just keep accepting it every time he says sorry elfor the sake of our child???


Comments

  • #2
    mobilecore
    Closed Accounts Posts: 140 ✭✭mobilecore


    Op,
    here is some great advice.... "we judge people on their character, past and present actions. Not what they say, but what they do"

    Basically what they means is if you take those things into account, you can almost predict how things will work out with someone.

    He has been acting thus so far? ... its a safe bet to say he will continue to act this way. But only you can tell yourself the answer as you know him.


    The only thing that should be noted is that some guys change when they see their baby born. If you want to give it to after the birth. That would be ok. Giving him a chance.


  • #3
    ash23
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,791 ✭✭✭ash23


    My advice is to stop relying on him as he is clearly unreliable.
    Don't depend on him or expect anything from him or you will end up disappointed.

    However, he is your childs father. Don't walk away from that. It isn't about you and him. It's about him and his child. His relationship with your child is not conditional upon his relationship with you.

    So basically start looking at the situation from the point of view that you are doing it on your own. if he offers to help, accept that help. If not, well, you weren't expecting anything so......


    If you continue to expect and he continues to not provide, you will have a very long 18 years ahead of you.

    I could go off on a rant about what a useless bollix he is being and don't get me wrong, I'm not saying he SHOULD behave this way. It's disgusting that he is. But he is.
    And you can't change him. Only he can.

    So to save yourself a lot of angst in the future just predict that this is how he will be. If you expect more you're only setting yourself up for a fall.


  • #4
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    It should not depend on the relationship with the mother, but all too often it does.

    You dont have to keep accepting it. You dont have to have anything to do with him until the baby is born. THen work out a parenting and maintenance plan. If he consists in letting the child down then you will have to make some tough choices.

    People can and do change.And our children change us. I believe that. But that is not to say he will.

    Congratulations and good luck with your pregnancy. Pregnancy is a lonely and magical time. If I could do it again, I would have cut off and tried to enjoy the magic of it without the accompanying strife. It may be a once in a lifetime experience. Be good to yourself.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Lealea wrote: »
    I'm 24, and I'm six months pregnant....

    Me and my ex split up before I realised I was pregnant and although he promised to be there and help in both financial ways and in general everyday ways he has let me down every step of the way so far...

    I am at my wits end and I am on the verge of walking away and having nothing more to do with him until he proves himself to me for a decent amount of time...

    Is this the right thing to do or should I just keep accepting it every time he says sorry elfor the sake of our child???

    Don't believe him when he says he's sorry for a start. He hasn't given you any reason to believe him up until now.

    Tell him that he's a useless waster who doesn't deserve the term 'father' to be applied to him. (You can let off this steam in the comfort of your own mind, or say it out straight to him-for the sake of your child, deal with any anger NOW that accumulates due to his laissez-faire attitude)

    When the child is born, begin anew. Let the father know he can see his child whenever he wants-it's then up to him to make the effort. Make sure he pays maintenance. Other than these two things, you don't have to have anything to do with him again.

    I know you feel let down at the moment, but the happiness you'll feel when you have your baby will totally overshadow all that : )

    good luck


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