Bullied in work advice

LegacyUser

About a year ago in work I found out about a manager, let's call her Manager B, who was telling another girl, let's call her Girl A, details of interviews that had gone on. The two girls were friends and were exchanging the information as one was going for the job, girl A, and the other part of the interview team, Manager B. I spoke to my manager and he told me to go on record and make a statement about it to HR. I did this, as I was assured I'd be protected from any consequence by my manager, and both girls received a formal written warning.

However, since then, one of them in particular, girl A, has made my life hell. Another friend of hers and her often stare at me and have been known to make noises when walking past my chair such as huffing. Girl A and Manager B also had arguments with a friend of mine and ended up in HR over it for a grievance meeting. The other thing amazes me is that they received warnings for Manager B passing Girl A confidential information but work allowed them to be on the same team six months later and they still go on lunch together.

Recently, Girl A has gone as far as calling me a c*** in a local supermarket (my mother was a witness as she heard her) and also got her friend to jam on the breaks of their car in front of me when leaving the car park one evening. I don't know what to do. I have complained in work and they do believe me and say they know what she is like but that they can't do anything about these things which happened outside work. However, as they relate back to a direct work issue and I was told I'd be protected from any consequence, I'm very upset and my nerves are really at me. I've no readl proof of the staring or noise making at the moment but it was going on.

I do have proof that she got her friend to single me out recently (the one who jammed on the breaks) and that has also been recorded by HR. However, I'm not even sure if anything was done.

My infant son was only a few metres away when I was called a c*** and he could have been in the car when they jammed on in front of me. Work say that I need to write down all the problems we have and go to a grievance meeting with her. However, I've no interest in doing that and have told them that. Why would I go to a meeting with someone who treats me like that? She's also very cunning and you wouldn't know what she'd say. She's very good at making up lies. I'm due to meet with a Garda on Wednesday but I think he'll just record the items. She hasn't actually physically assaulted me so I can't see what they could do.

Has anyone any advice? Where do I stand legally or what could I do? I'm being bullied directly because of a work issue but work say they can do nothing as the things I can proof are happening outside work. My nerves are really getting to me and its very upsetting. I am afraid to walk past her desk area in work and avoid her section of the office. I still can't believe work allowed Girl A and Manager B to be on the one team with their history.

wyrn

Dear OP - you have my sympathy. It does not sound like a healthy and sane workplace. Fair play to you for going to the manager and HR, I know that couldn't have been easy and now you are paying for it. It does seem to be escalating.

I don't know what you can do on the legal side but I would urge you to keep a diary and record everything. It will come in use someday.

Keep the faith and try and rise above it while you are waiting it out. I know it's easier said than done. Good luck and I hope it'll be resolved soon.

thirtythirty

That's a sht situation to be in. Seeing as HR dont seem to be able to (or want?) do anything about it, my advice would be to take a more proactive approach.

To be clear, Im not saying to fight fire with fire and start making snide remarks to her. I'm talking about trying to trivialize what she's doing so she actually feels stupid and will stop doing it herself.
Simple things like when it happens again, make a little joke out of it with other people in the office and have a laugh so they start seeing her as a bit of a joke. If she does something very open and in your face, just kind of give a wry smile and a pitiful shake of the head. A light (and smiley) "you're gas"-esque remark in those instances adds a bit.

Trying to diffuse the situation over the next while like that can be very effective. But I must warn you to assess your situation before doing something like that, I wouldn't want to make things worse! But she very clearly feels in control of the situation, and you most certainly do not want to do anything that can be used against you (by HR/managers etc), so no smart remarks, no sharp tongue etc. Also then you'd be entering into her stupid game.
The laid back approach should hopefully just make her think that her actions are rolling off your back and she's wasting her time.

Also, stop avoiding her part of the office, it'll be difficult for you im sure, but i reckon you just need to act as if nothing's up. But you need to let her realise that you think very little of her and she's a bit of a retard.

Some people in life are just d.1cks and bitches. Best thing to do is find a way to manage them. Don't worry about the manager - if she does anything open to you, you can have her reprimanded immediately (im assuming she's a higher level than you), so she won't be a problem, and she'll know it.

tricky D

Keep a diary of every incident. It's very useful evidence for hearings etc.

gandalf

Agreed on keeping a diary of these events. Put everything in it including times and details of anyone else who witnessed it.

I'd go with spottyelephant's advice but if it gets worse I would suggest talking to a solicitor that specialises in employment law and getting them to draft a letter to your HR to put a fire under their ass. They should not be tolerating behavious like that in the workplace.

Crazy Pet

Deadtiger is spot on correct in giving you good advice.
Please be aware also that I've seen a lot of HR departments & People fail to engage in situations that later spiraled out of control, and in some cases HR actually was the bully or Harasser.
Just be cautious as the People causing you problems could have a relationship with someone in HR that you might not suspect or be aware of, you might be seen as a fly in the ointment that spoilt their cosy little plans of a promotional chance for Girl A.
Above all do not let them provoke you into doing something rash or out of character, as their plan now may be to bully you out of the job or set you up for a dismissal.

The important thing to remember is that you've done nothing wrong and you should hold you head up high & and at all times remain dignified, especially around other work colleagues. As Deadtiger says, if things get worse then you may have to take legal advice that will cause your HR department to have to act to resolve this matter.
I wish you well as I have seen this sort of thing perpetrated upon others in previous jobs I've worked in, I once helped a girl get another job as it happens a much better job somewhere else, because management had shut her inside a room with no natural or electric light or heat or work for several weeks. She would in my humble opinion have won a case in the labour court, but decided that she preferred to move on to better things and have the last laugh. However that was in early 2007, changing jobs in the current economic situation is practically impossible these days. So it's important you keep your cool and allow them to make the first mistake, should they continue or escalate the bullying behaviour.

Good luck OP, remember your better than them.!

heavyballs

deadtiger wrote: »

Agreed on keeping a diary of these events. Put everything in it including times and details of anyone else who witnessed it.

I'd go with spottyelephant's advice but if it gets worse I would suggest talking to a solicitor that specialises in employment law and getting them to draft a letter to your HR to put a fire under their ass. They should not be tolerating behavious like that in the workplace.

+1
my wife is a hr manager(and a very fair one at that),i'll ask her tomorrow when i see her what she would advise,
i work in a very large multi national and our hr dept is a joke,some of the things i tell my wife she can't beleive
she has had a lot of bullying incidents,my advise and i'm no expert would be to go to your solicitor,i know the wife's company have a system where they have a support structure in place,a number the staff can contact at any time,stress related due to family bereavement etc
see if you're company has anything like this
if it was me and someone from the company called me a similiar name to c... i'd ring in sick,ring hr(again)explain your stressed(whick i'm sure you are otherwise you would not have posted)and that you'll return to work as soon as your doctor recommends,that will get hr off their hles for sure

i will add more when my wife returns tomorrow

SKiNT 3ASTWOOD

im in a similiar situation as op.
but alas mines much worse.

to cut a long story short.i work in a food manufactory.i enjoy the job and have made lots of friends there.im pretty sure im well liked,im very laid back and like a good laugh.i work in the blending department and get along with everyone.one of the lads i got on well with ,but he thinks hes a joker.while he does make people laugh.sometimes u draw the line.ok it mainly started.as jokes idle banter.name calling and such things.but it got worse and the individuall in question started to call me a pedo.child molestor,rapist.pulling pictures out of papers and sticking them on my locker,notice board in canteen area.while i like a laugh and i did give it back, but not using the words that are mentioned.eventually it got round to my daughter and which i case i flipped.various things he was saying and bare in mind my daughter was 6 at the time(these incidents started in 2008).i live at me mams.i split with partner some years previous and have my daughter every weekend.she sleeps with me whats the problem.i watch my daugter in the bath again wheres the problem.once he knew of these things is when i got worse.he would say things like.do u play with yourself when shes in shower,i bet you carnt wait till she falls asleep so u can pull her knickers down.artivles out of papers got worse.calling me gary glitter,anthing that was in papers to do with this sort of thing was put onto me.including the maddie mcann incidents.like have u got maddie locked up in your celler.any women who work there if i gave them a lift home .it was i bet your grooming them and just waiting to pounce arent u.once it got onto my daughter thats when i decided enough.and wrote a letter of complaint to the manager.this was in september 2008.nothing was said or sorted out until december of same year.where by i was asked if i would accept an oppology.i refused on the basis of the damage it had done to myself.i was told he was given a written warning.i had 3 people who witnessed all this over the time.they alll gave statements to back me up.now comes the even worse part ,one of the other lads who works there.decided to jump in and go as a witness for him.which i know your aloud.this lad now backs him up on everything.its 17 months since this date and for that time i have had nothing but trouble from the pair of them .ive chosen to ignore this .the manager has told me to say nothing and do nothing.in this time i have had my car damaged.ive had 2 pairs of trainers slashed open with stanley knifes.we all have them due to nature of job .we have to wear work clothing all whites with boots.and we all have lockers.but we all leave our shoes,boots,trainers in front of our lockers.ive had silly pictures put on my locker.they redicule me to other members of staff.they try to get me in to trouble.i do nothing wrong.i keep my mouth shut and i dont react to any of it.ok i could take matter into my own hands and sort the pair of them pretty easily if not i can certainly get a few mates too.but its not to correct line to go down.and i would just be bringing myself down to the level and im much better than that.
i really do need advice on this matter it is affecting my life.im depressed enough.and my anger is building up.i have been into the office about it on a few occasions,but nothing seems to be done.its just every week there syig something about me while not to my face.but what they dont realise is its still indirect.i carnt afford to walk out of job.i know i could on the grounds of constructive dismissal ,but then im out of a job.
there is more to this lots more as said ive shortened the story.

its not a case of take them to court win loads of money this and that.i should be aloud to do my work with out this..

thirtythirty

Skint Eastwood that's bollox. Those lads sound like class A Fckheads. Almost sounds like he got abused as a kid himself and is now just projecting his own insecurities onto someone else!

If actual damage is being done though (shoes,car etc) then I would think the company is liable for not protecting its workforce. I think you probably need to look into that further, possibly get a sit-down with the guy, yourself, and management and just put the cards on the table along the lines of "look, it was funny at first, but now he's just taking the piss and you dunno if he's got problems at home or if he's just a d1ck by nature, but it's got to stop or it'l become a legal matter".

If that doesn't play out right, I don't want to give any bad advice, but it's got to stop. Somehow.

Good luck to ye mate. Don't let it get ye down, there's more to life than having to worry/think about some gob****e all the time!

SKiNT 3ASTWOOD

spottyelephant wrote: »

Skint Eastwood that's bollox. Those lads sound like class A Fckheads. Almost sounds like he got abused as a kid himself and is now just projecting his own insecurities onto someone else!

If actual damage is being done though (shoes,car etc) then I would think the company is liable for not protecting its workforce. I think you probably need to look into that further, possibly get a sit-down with the guy, yourself, and management and just put the cards on the table along the lines of "look, it was funny at first, but now he's just taking the piss and you dunno if he's got problems at home or if he's just a d1ck by nature, but it's got to stop or it'l become a legal matter".

If that doesn't play out right, I don't want to give any bad advice, but it's got to stop. Somehow.

Good luck to ye mate. Don't let it get ye down, there's more to life than having to worry/think about some gob****e all the time!

ive had this crap for 15 months,i want to make it a legal matter as work hasnt protected me one bit,all i get is dont give them any ammo to throw at me.they dont get any they just keep it going,i dont even speak to them.i get on with me job at hand have a laugh with other lads thats it.thing is i need to make sure everything is correct and speak to an employment law solicitor.who will give me free advice.work has the details on file,i know they carnt refuse to give me copies of those.i also have details of going to doctors with stress due to this i had 2 weeks of work with it.i told my doctors why i was they that way.so they have details too.i just dont want any other of the other lads involved it would just make the situation worse.its not fair on them,3 other lads did go in and give accounts of what was initually said to me.and they all gave creditable accounts.work didnt act on that they should have sacked him full stop.but as said before all he got was a wriiten warning.
id appreciate more advice
thanks.

Union Advisor

the issue of bullying in the workplace is always difficult to resolve, this is because there are usually at least three sides to the story. The victims, the perpertartors and the truth. If you believe you are the victim of workplace bullying you should pursue this through your company's dignity at work policy. If this bullying/ harrasment continues outside of the workplace you may need to contact the Garda depending on the severity of the situation. You are entitled to come to work wiithout the threat of bullying/intimidation, if there is a union in your workplace thay will advise you on how to proceed with a bullying case.

pollypocket10

OP thats an awful situation to be in and as difficult as the prospect is, I would encourage you to engage with HR and attend this grievance meeting. If you decide to pursue this legally you will have to face this colleague at somepoint anyway, but if you haven't followed the grievance process that is in place it could make things more difficult for you if you do have to resort to taking things to a solcitor.

If you really cannot bring yourself to do this I would arrange an official meeting with HR yourself, bring along a co-worker that you trust as a witness and make an official complaint( In fact I would do this regardless of wether you decide to attent the grievance meeting or not) Make it clear that you are not comfortable with meeting with this colleague as they've suggested and ask for an alternative method of dealing with this.

As for the harassment outside of work I would call into your local garda station and make a complaint, have a record of the incidents, places, dates and times.

On the practical side of things, make sure to record every incident and everytime you speak to a manager or HR, buy a diary if it makes it easier. Also make sure you follow up with management to see what they have done or are doing about your complaint (ideally you shouldn't have to do this but sometimes employers ignore the problem in the hope that it will go awayy.)

Best of luck with it and I hope it's sorted out soon.