Is he really not that interested?

LegacyUser

O.K this isn't the worthe problem on here but it's something that's been bothering me.

I have been seeing a guy for about 2 months now. Everything seems to be going well but one thing has started to bother me. He never seems to text/ring me to make ararngements to go out anymore, it always seems to be me suggesting we do stuff. When I do, he seems enthusiastic enough and we usually have a realy good time together but I am started to worry that he's not that interested. At first it was him that asked me out and he does send the odd text unsolicited. I do like this guy and I don't want to let the momentum go but I am starting to worry that if I didn't text him he wouldn't bother again.

Am I just over analysing things?

MissyN

its understandable that you'd feel this way and it is crappy when you feel like you are initiating a lot of the contact between you.

theres only one thing for it.....don't call or text him and see what happens.
at least then you'll know exactly where you stand

Ickle Magoo

Why don't you let him know the ball is in his court next time you meet up? Then just leave it and see if/when he contacts you. He may just be being lazy and has come to rely on you making the arrangements and suggesting dates. I wouldn't just go cold turkey as you don't want him to think you are ignoring him or have gone off him, just suggest at the end of the next date that he gives you a bell next time he wants to go out.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

It's only natural to be analysing everything at this stage of the relationship. If you're worried about over analysing though, take your mind off things by going out with your friends instead, or taking up another hobby etc.
I wouldn't go down the route of ringing him because many men show they're not interested by cutting back on contact. If he's interested, he'll make the effort. If he's not interested, he won't

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I am currently going through the same thing, only I've been seeing my partner for 5 months.

I haven't talked or seen him since Saturday morning and I decided not to text or call him first. Its now Tuesday and I still haven't heard from him.

I wouldn't have any contact with him first and if you don't hear from him over the next week then I would call it quits and go find someone you really deserve.

I hope it works out for both of us

LegacyUser

Right I posted this thread a few weeks ago and I finally taken your advise and cut of contact with him to see what he did. The last time I spoke to him was Saturday night, he seemed fine and we made some loose arrangements to meet this week. I have left it since then and NOTHING.

The thing is though it's killing me, I get the urge to call him all the time. Should I just give him a call and see where I stand? I don't know if I can take being on phone watch constantly anymore.

Faith

Personally, I'd tell him how you feel. He might be completely oblivious to it. But if you tell him and he still doesn't change, I'd end things. Trust me when I say you don't want to be in a relationship where you're chasing after the other person all the time. It's soul destroying.

smileyscientist

+1

The best thing to do is just say it to him and get your answer either way. I wouldnt advise going completly AWOL until he gets in contact, its a bit childish. If yer going out as a couple, then yer mature enough to have a talk about it.

It could be that the novelty has worn off for him, the inital thrill of getting close to someone new but this may not necessarily be a bad thing, he may just be getting more comfortable with you but the thing is not to let him get too comfortable.

Next time you meet just pull him aside and say look I'm not really sure as to where I stand with you, I feel you've been a bit distant lately or that you could take it or leave it? Are you still interested in seeing each other. Try and be as direct as possible or otherwise he might wriggle out of answering it.

Worked for me anyways, sometimes all they need is a not so stubtle nudge

It really is the only way to go here IMO

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies everyone. I still havn't cracked and text him. But I am starting to think I might. Part of me things, **** it, if he can't be bothered getting in touch with me then he's clearly not that bothered, I don't want a one sided relationship and to be chasing after someone all the time.

But then I think I have let this goon like this for a few weeks now so maybe he's thinking that as I havn't text him I have decided I don't want to see him or am annoyed with him. I also keep thinking maybe he's had an accident or something, I know my imagination is probably running away with me there but it's possible. If I call him I'll know for sure.

It's just do frustrating, when I speak to him he's generally really enthusiastic about meeting, if I text him he'll text back, if I ring him he'll answer or ring back as soon as he can. But he will NOT initiate the contact. It's wrecking my head, I think I will have to dpeak to him and see what the story is.

LegacyUser

text him and ask him how's his week.

meet with him and just tell him you enjoy the moments you two share, but would appreciate if he can initiate things. jokingly tell him that you are a woman that worth the effort and enjoy chasing. and tell him jokingly that from the time you guys say goodbye, it's his turn to chase.

and really, stop contacting him. and wait for his call. it may take a while, or unluckily it may never come. but no matter what, the waiting will only do you good.

good luck.

SarahSassy

He appears to be reallty not that interested. He is keeping you dangling and if he were really interested he would be looking to book up some of your time.. Keep your options open here and DO NOT CONTACT HIM

LegacyUser

So essentially, you have had a relationship where - for whatever reason - one party was the person initiating contact And then that has just stopped.

To be honest, the lad is probably wondering what he has done wrong and in such circumstances is probably less likely to initiate anything. It seems a bit cruel, both to yourself and to him.

LegacyUser

I'm in much the same situation...except I've been seeing the guy a lot longer!
Our contact was always pretty minimal and usually just to arrange the next date but due to extreme business on both our parts (mainly his) we haven't managed to pin down a specific day to meet for a while and the minimal contact has just sort of trailed away to nothing! He's never been one to initiate either and while logic would indicate that he's clearly not that bothered, he's always enthusiastic when we do meet. I really think he's just very passive, and I haven't helped by doing all the initiating.

So...I haven't seen him in a ludicrously long time now and he's ignored a couple of texts (this is not uncommon- unless he's in a position to reply immediately it usually doesn't occur to him again later).

I recently decided not to contact him again on the grounds that he knows where I am if he wants to get in touch- I don't want to have to badger someone into making time for me! But, on the other hand, he is probably interpreting my sudden lack of contact as lack of interest on my part. I think he genuinely doesn't ask me to do stuff because he presumes that if I haven't contacted him then I'm too busy.

So I now think that I'll do a final message to see what the story is and put the ball in his court in terms of arranging anything. If theres nothing back then I move on. I know some people may think that that's demeaning in that I'm chasing him more, but given that he would probably interpret my silence as lack of interest rather than an impetus to contact me, it seems foolish to potentially throw it all away over a point of misguided pride!

LegacyUser

I am kinda in the same boat. I have been chatting to this women and every time I talk to her on msn she just doesnt reply for ages, One time I asked her a simple question and she didnt reply for the best part of a half-hour. She never texts me I always end up sending off the first text.

Does this mean she is not intrested in me?

I try not to obsess about these things but it is easy to get worked up over.


Good luck with ur problem

Miss Fluff

Faith wrote: »

Personally, I'd tell him how you feel. He might be completely oblivious to it. But if you tell him and he still doesn't change, I'd end things. Trust me when I say you don't want to be in a relationship where you're chasing after the other person all the time. It's soul destroying.

+1 to this. If you go from instigating all the contact to stopping it altogether he will think you are annoyed with him over something perhaps. He may not instigate contact because you always have OP, that's the pattern you have established in your relationship thusfar.

Men can be really thick sometimes, I think you need to tell him that this is on your mind. After you have discussed it and asked him to and he then doesn't bother, I wouldn't waste any more time on him, at least then you definitely know where you stand rather than making a load of assumptions.

LegacyUser

Thanks people. You have all been a great help.

I took your advise and called him on friday afternoon. I couldn't take the stress of waiting anymore and wanted to know if we were seeing each other again. I think you who said I should contact him to see what the deal was and put the ball in his court were right, I have allowed the situation where I am doing all the contacting to develop and leaving him cold was probably not the right tact to to with someone like him (he is very passive).

I called him on Friday and, as usual, he answered, seemed genuinely pleased to hear from me, chatted away as normal for a good while etc. I said to him that I hadn't heard from him for so long that I was starting to think he was dead or something! He said he's been meaning to text me but had been busy with various things and couldn't see me this week anyway as he's been called away to a different part of the country in the middle of the week unexpectedly (fair enough but he could still send a text asking how I was or something!).

HE suggested that we should meet up next week when he was back and I said OK but he should call me on Monday when he's back to let me know when would be convenient for him. He also mentioned that he might text me over the weekend too, no sign of that soo far! But as long as he texts me on Monday, like he said, then I think that's acceptable.

So I have let him know the ball is in his court and and now all I can do is wait. If I don't hear from him on Monday then I am writing him off. If he doesn't text this time, when I made it clear I was less then happy about not hearing from him last week, I don't think there's much any more I can do. I do like him and we seem to both enjoy our time together but I can't keep chasing him, it's embarrassing.

Do you think I did the right thing?

Firetrap

To me it looks a bit like flogging a dead horse. He sounds very casual about the whole thing and something tells me that if you hadn't made contact with him, he wouldn't have done so. It doesn't take that much of an effort to send a text message for heaven's sake. Nobody's life is that hectic that they can't take 30 seconds out to tap out a few words on a phone. Unless he has no friends at all, I bet he sent other texts during the time he was "meaning to text" you.

On the other hand, if it doesn't work out, at least you can say you tried your best and move on. That there won't be that nagging doubt in your head wondering did you do the right thing by just stopping contact without warning. Anyway, the best thing you can do now is play it by ear and see do things change.

LegacyUser

Yes Thanks firetrap.

I think maybe I am flogging a dead horse but I am definitely not going to flog it anymore!

The last contact I made was more to put my mind at ease more then anything. Now when he doesn't text me, I can only take that to mean that he doesn't want to see me again, rather then that he thinks I am upset with him or something.

I will be on phone watch all day Monday but at least I know that's the last day of stressing about him, after that I am going to draw a line under the whole sorry affair and move on.

Elessar

Hey Joanna,

I'm in exactly the same situation except I'm the guy! Have been on a few dates with a girl I know. There was a bit of a misunderstanding so there was a month or so of no contact after the last date. It was cleared up and I asked her again did she want to go out with me again. She said yes. However since then she has not been forthcoming with contacting me, whereas it wasn't a problem before. I asked her when we could meet up again. No reply!

I text her thinking she was ignoring me (as she has done in the past!) but she assured me she wasn't. I met up with her last week in person and physically asked her again where we stood. Yes she does want to head out again but she has just been busy with work and study.

Too busy to send a 10 second text?! I know she was off for two days that week!

Anyway I gave her a week of no contact and text her last night saying my place was free all this week if she is free to come over. Still no reply. It doesn't take a lot of time to send a text! To me it's the height of ignorance and shows a lack of respect. Even if she isn't free all she has to do is say it! It's not like I'm going to get mad or anything!

Instead, she doesn't reply and leaves me up in the air. If I knew one way or the other it would be fine but this is not on.

Like you, I feel that now I am flagging a dead horse here and I can say this will be the last contact she has from me on the matter. Ball is in her court now. I'm not waiting forever. I have more respect for myself! If, after this week I don't hear anything about it that's it, done and dusted. I'm getting on with my life and trying not to think about it.

It's a pity because I think we could be really good together!

(If she was mature enough, she would either let me know she is not interested anymore so I could move on, or have the dignity to respond to me and at least arrange a week to head out again)

LegacyUser

Elessar I really feel for you, it's not nice being on the receiving end of headwrecking behavior. It's frustrating, disappointing and slightly insulting. i don't know why people feel the need to behave like this, its cruel. Like you, if this guy had said to me that he wanted to leave it for whatever reason, I would have accepted it in a calm and rational manner. I know it's not nice to say that to someone but it's better then leading them on.

The thing is from reading your story I would say that you definitely shouldn't be bothering with her, if she can't even be bothered with a simple text why would you carry on with it. Even if you carry on seeing her she's probably always going to be like this and it's going to be ore trouble then it's worth. Even though your story is similar to mine I can't apply the same logic to myself!

In fairnnes my guy does always respond if I text him, that's part of the problem, when I instigate contact he's always so keen!

I think coming on here and seeing other people's take on my problem really has helped, it's given me some perspective on the issue.

Miss Fluff

Elessar wrote: »

Anyway I gave her a week of no contact and text her last night saying my place was free all this week if she is free to come over. Still no reply. It doesn't take a lot of time to send a text! To me it's the height of ignorance and shows a lack of respect. Even if she isn't free all she has to do is say it! It's not like I'm going to get mad or anything

There is a big difference between not instigating contact and not even having the common courtesy to reply. Big difference! In your case I wouldn't waste another minute on her, she sounds totally lacking in basic manners.

Firetrap

Elessar wrote: »

(If she was mature enough, she would either let me know she is not interested anymore so I could move on, or have the dignity to respond to me and at least arrange a week to head out again)

Alas it often doesn't work out that way. I've found, as have my friends, that if someone isn't interested in you, they're quite likely to just start ignoring your calls/texts in the hope that you'll go away quietly and they don't have to say it to your face. You can prolong things by continuing to text but the end result always seems to be the same. It's probably fair to say that if someone is keen on you, they'll want to be in contact with you and will make it their business to see you again.

Elessar

Firetrap wrote: »

Alas it often doesn't work out that way. I've found, as have my friends, that if someone isn't interested in you, they're quite likely to just start ignoring your calls/texts in the hope that you'll go away quietly and they don't have to say it to your face. You can prolong things by continuing to text but the end result always seems to be the same. It's probably fair to say that if someone is keen on you, they'll want to be in contact with you and will make it their business to see you again.

I know, it's true. I really wouldn't care if she told me she wasn't interested, I could move on, but what I cannot understand is why lie to me? The lies and deceit are the worst. Telling me you want to go out with me again? Then ignoring my texts and calls? For a week? Definition of a headwrecker right there. I'm being used as an ego boost. No more.

It's a bit more difficult with this girl because we are in the same social circle. I asked her out, she has asked me out. We got on pretty well, but obviously not well enough. This behaviour started after she returned from a week long trip abroad recently. My instinct tells me she met someone else. It doesn't bother me, but what bothers me are the dishonestly, the lies.

I am angry that I have been made a fool out of.

I don't want to take over the OPs thread, but I will update later this week. Mods, maybe this is better off in it's own thread?

LegacyUser

You did the right thing OP by telling him to text/ring you today. At least you'll know where you stand.
I feel that some people take their boyfriends/girlfriends for granted (from reading this thread). Do they not realise that you're really putting yourself out there by letting someone know you like them? There has to be some give and take. Some people just don't understand this basic concept. It shows an alarming lack of care and understanding, both of which are extremely important when building a good relationship.

Denimgirl

you have done more than enough feeding his ego! the guy seems like a player to me! saying he MIGHT text you over the weekend! scr£w him! who does he think he is! look girl never run after a man if he wants to be with you let him do the ground work!he knows you were interested initially so it's up to him personally this idiot is'nt worth it! and your too good to be chasing after a guy asking him to spend time with you! you must be confident and realise he's a loser and not worth your time!get dressed up go out with the girls and have fun you'll meet the right one when yoiuleast expect it!x

LegacyUser

I have a similiar issue to yourself Joanna, only at a more fomative stage (i.e not going out, just with each other) and I'm the guy chasing her.

The night we met I got her number, text her the morning after, texted for a while. Started texting her again...think it was 2 days later, same pattern again texted for a while and that. Anyways, after that I thought it would be coming across a little too pushy/needy if I text her again so I said I'd wait for her to text me. I never heard from her again so took she wasn't interested and moved on.

Then about 3 weeks later, I got a message at about 4 in the morning wondering if I was out tonight and did I have a good night? That made me confused again, I had pretty much given up on her until that. Anyway I bit the bullet and text her again a day or two later and we text again, think the last message I sent her was along the lines of "sure give us a text tommorow". Again I heard nothing so I had given up on her.

Anyways last weekend we were out in the place where she usually goes (it's a place we'd only go every so often) anyways drink and all on board I sent her a message to see if she was out. We met outside and chatted (can't really recall what was said) but I think I asked her straight out if she was interested and she said she was. My friend said he was talking to her friends and reckons that she's just shy. But surely she knows I like her? I haven't actually asked her out because I just don't think she's that interested personally (if fairness I think she'd be a bit out of my league) but I would be an insecure type of person anyway.

Just terribly confused about the whole situation. I haven't text her since the weekend, I don't know what I should do next.

SarahSassy

joe soaps brother wrote: »

I haven't text her since the weekend, I don't know what I should do next.

Call her and ask her out - then you will know.

Canluum

Elessar wrote: »

I text her thinking she was ignoring me (as she has done in the past!) but she assured me she wasn't.

And you believed her?

Elessar wrote: »

I met up with her last week in person and physically asked her again where we stood. Yes she does want to head out again but she has just been busy with work and study.

You should learn that the word "no" is not in women's vocabulary. Instead they will say they're busy etc. and make lame excuses. All the above screams "not interested not interested NOT INTERESTED". Save yourself the time and anguish, there are better women out there for you.

Elessar wrote: »

Anyway I gave her a week of no contact and text her last night saying my place was free all this week if she is free to come over.

Amateur move. In her head you just said "I've no life and will be waiting in abject hopeless admiration at your beck all week". Is this the ambitious challenge of a socialite she wants to see herself with, attempting to tame? No, it's unattractive dweebyness. It was probably moot anyway since she's not interested in the first place, but in future if a girl has a smidgen of interest (you want to bring it up, not send it away) suggest a specific time and place and don't offer to change it if she says she's busy that day, just say "oh that's my only free day this week" and hang up (if you've called her). If she's interested she'll suggest another day (counteroffer). This is a good meter of her interest. Women tend to know these social rules intuitively, without conscious thought. Bumbling logical males often have to learn them.

Don't waste time with women who aren't interested, because that's all you're doing.

LegacyUser

SarahSassy wrote: »

Call her and ask her out - then you will know.

I've only actually met her twice, is that not too soon?

Elessar

Canluum wrote: »

And you believed her?

You should learn that the word "no" is not in women's vocabulary. Instead they will say they're busy etc. and make lame excuses. All the above screams "not interested not interested NOT INTERESTED". Save yourself the time and anguish, there are better women out there for you.

Amateur move. In her head you just said "I've no life and will be waiting in abject hopeless admiration at your beck all week". Is this the ambitious challenge of a socialite she wants to see herself with, attempting to tame? No, it's unattractive dweebyness. It was probably moot anyway since she's not interested in the first place, but in future if a girl has a smidgen of interest (you want to bring it up, not send it away) suggest a specific time and place and don't offer to change it if she says she's busy that day, just say "oh that's my only free day this week" and hang up (if you've called her). If she's interested she'll suggest another day (counteroffer). This is a good meter of her interest. Women tend to know these social rules intuitively, without conscious thought. Bumbling logical males often have to learn them.

Don't waste time with women who aren't interested, because that's all you're doing.

You are absolutely right. She is callous and expected everything to be hunkey dorey when I saw her earlier this week. "Sorry I didn't get back to you I was off my feet! ". Then she proceeds to answer about 200 text messages right in front of me. Ouch! Then she proceeds to happily feign interest in another topic we discussed, as if I'm her best friend.

Anyway, not wanting another minute of it, I cornered her (she saw me coming and tried to escape) but didn't want to make a show of myself. She denied ever getting my text (despite me getting a delivery report) but said she was free friday (barring unforseen circumstances).

Now, I can see exactly I'm being played by a person who is unable to be honest. I fully expect to get a "I'm busy" text, or worse, nothing at all by the end of the week.

I have more respect for myself than to take this anymore. She clearly has none for me. I'm thinking, if she wants to meet up friday I'll do that. But if not, I'll send her an email (so at least she'll read it) explaining that I can see the signs and clearly we're better off as friends. Or maybe I should just send it now.

This is a delicate situation because we are in the same social circle (going for drinks everyweek etc) so, for the forseeable future (possibly the rest of my life) I'll be seeing her at least once a week. Being friends is fine with me, I just can't stand this lieing being treated like dirt anymore. A few months ago I wouldn't have believed she would treat me like this.

LegacyUser

joe soaps brother wrote: »

I've only actually met her twice, is that not too soon?

Clucking bell, people STOP TEXTING. Before all this text nonsense people called each other to chat and arrange a date.
About five years ago I got so sick of texting malarky that I made a rule that I would only date people who had the cahones to call and ask me out. No "what does this text mean", no "I haven't got a text in two days, will I text him back".
If someone can't be arsed picking up a phone and calling me (phones were invented for talking remember) it says a lot about them, mainly they are gutless and will have no desire to have a spine in the relationship.

I'll say it again for all the kids (and adults who act like kids with their texting) STOP TEXTING AND USE YOUR PHONES FOR WHAT THEY WERE DESIGNED FOR.
That is all.

Canluum

Elessar, it's not about respect. She just doesn't want to hurt your feelings waaay more than she wants to tell the truth. She's going about it in an immature way granted, but don't take offense.

Elessar wrote: »

I have more respect for myself than to take this anymore. She clearly has none for me. I'm thinking, if she wants to meet up friday I'll do that. But if not, I'll send her an email (so at least she'll read it) explaining that I can see the signs and clearly we're better off as friends. Or maybe I should just send it now.

Why would you do this at all!? The very fact that it seems to bother you so much is really a turn off. I realise you just want a yes or no closure etc but tbh you have it. By sending this email you'll only make it more awkward. Start treating the situation as if you've no investment in it whatsoever, be a cool customer and give her the impression you're utterly indifferent if she contacts you or not. If she doesn't contact you by friday, don't contact her. You'll see her fairly regularly anyway! Ignore the fact she didn't get back to you. Big smile and be friendly and chatty but don't even hint at you two as a possible item. She may (if she has any interest left) start then thinking "what else he got going on that he's not bothered that I ignored him" and re-evaluate you. If she texts you wait a while before you text back. Your eagerness is unflattering. Don't corner her or make it weird for her, it's not doing you any favours. Women can't be logiced into liking you.

For the moment get her off your head, look to other women. Just pretend whatever was had between you was no big deal and you're just mates that stuff happened with. There really is nothing left in this for you to do in regards her, forget about her in that way, hold no grudges and move on. It'll give you an air of dignity that others (and perhaps she) will find more attractive.

carmel27

So I have let him know the ball is in his court and and now all I can do is wait. If I don't hear from him on Monday then I am writing him off. If he doesn't text this time, when I made it clear I was less then happy about not hearing from him last week, I don't think there's much any more I can do. I do like him and we seem to both enjoy our time together but I can't keep chasing him, it's embarrassing.

Do you think I did the right thing?[/QUOTE]

I think you've done the right thing. Im sorry to say it, but he does sound like a bit of a chancer. Everybody is busy, but surely he could find 2 minutes in his hectic life to call/text you. I totally know what you're saying about the whole "waiting around for him to contact you" thing and how it was driving you mad.

I was in a similar situation before, and Id be very headstrong for a day or two, and not text, and then would eventually give in. And, sadly, I shouldnt have bothered, because the guy turned out to be a waste of time. He wanted everything his own way, ie would only meet when and where it suited him, and would make plans and then cancel arrangements at the last min as he was "too busy". As I was away in college at the time, we only saw each other at wkends really, and that too was a disaster, as again, it was all on his terms and when it suited. Stupidly, I put up with several of months of this crap, but it was because I really liked this guy. I eventually discussed it with him, and he told me he didnt realise I felt that way. Things changed but only for about 3 weeks and I then found myself back at square 1 again, doing all the running. In the end, I had to call a halt to proceedings, and I was so upset over it at the time. Looking back now though, I know he was making a pure fool out of me. And whats worse is the fact that I was letting him.

At least you've told this guy how you feel, and you have now put the ball in his court. Let him make the next move, and dont give in, no matter how hard it is not to. If he's interested, he'll make the effort. If not, you're better off without him. My relationship with that guy ended 4yrs ago, and he still contacts me from time to time. I often wonder if I'd been a bit tougher and hadnt let him walk all over me him, would things have turned out any differently? Maybe not. But dont let him make a fool of you.

Good luck:)

Eve_Dublin

Elessar wrote: »

I have more respect for myself than to take this anymore. She clearly has none for me. I'm thinking, if she wants to meet up friday I'll do that. But if not, I'll send her an email (so at least she'll read it) explaining that I can see the signs and clearly we're better off as friends. Or maybe I should just send it now.

Why would you even consider meeting up with a girl you consider to be callous, a liar, deceitful, someone who´s using you for an ego boost and a headwreaker? These are your words man. If she wants to meet up Friday, politely decline and let her know you´ve got prior engagements. End.Of.Story.

pow wow

Also been in a similar situation and agree 100% that if they wanted to talk to you, they'd get in touch. I had it out with a guy I was seeing once and asked why he hadn't called me for a week or so, he said he 'didn't want to'. Ouch....but I appreciated the honesty. And neither of us called the other again

Elessar

Canluum wrote: »

Elessar, it's not about respect. She just doesn't want to hurt your feelings waaay more than she wants to tell the truth. She's going about it in an immature way granted, but don't take offense.

Why would you do this at all!? The very fact that it seems to bother you so much is really a turn off. I realise you just want a yes or no closure etc but tbh you have it. By sending this email you'll only make it more awkward. Start treating the situation as if you've no investment in it whatsoever, be a cool customer and give her the impression you're utterly indifferent if she contacts you or not. If she doesn't contact you by friday, don't contact her. You'll see her fairly regularly anyway! Ignore the fact she didn't get back to you. Big smile and be friendly and chatty but don't even hint at you two as a possible item. She may (if she has any interest left) start then thinking "what else he got going on that he's not bothered that I ignored him" and re-evaluate you. If she texts you wait a while before you text back. Your eagerness is unflattering. Don't corner her or make it weird for her, it's not doing you any favours. Women can't be logiced into liking you.

For the moment get her off your head, look to other women. Just pretend whatever was had between you was no big deal and you're just mates that stuff happened with. There really is nothing left in this for you to do in regards her, forget about her in that way, hold no grudges and move on. It'll give you an air of dignity that others (and perhaps she) will find more attractive.

That's easier said than done. I can't control how I feel, or turn off my feelings with a switch. No one can.

But again, you're right. In fact I'm aware that that is exactly what I should do. But being in these situations messes with your head and you forget these things.

Despite the hurt she has caused I won't send the email (written and all!). I'll just forget the whole sordid affair and be myself. Chatty, friendly, cool as a cucumber.

I was down this road with her before and once I met her like this SHE asked me out (and she is VERY reserved about asking guys out). She seemed to like me that way (and I wasn't even trying). I know she liked me that way, well, in the past at least.

I'm just going to put this behind me. I won't deny that I REALLY like her and would love anther chance, but she is just one woman. Canluum you're advice is superb. Now to see if she get's back to me by tomorrow...

Elessar

As I expected, nothing.

It has now come to my attention that she may have met someone else on her trip away, and has arranged to meet up with him this week. This would explain much. It also hurts like hell.

The not being interested? I can deal with that. The lies and hurtful treatment of me? I can forget that.

But when she chooses another guy over me? That is a whole other world of pain

I was seriously low today, being the one she doesn't want is a massive blow to the oul confidence. I shouldn't be feeling like this about it! You'd think I was after discovering my wife was cheating or something!! It's like all the negative things about a relationship with none of the positives! I don't know why I'm so invested.

I may just have to re-evaluate who my drinking buddies are

Has anyone any tips on how to forget this? I'm going to be exactly as Canluum said.

Sorry to keep posting in the OPs thread.

carmel27

Elessar wrote: »

As I expected, nothing.

It has now come to my attention that she may have met someone else on her trip away, and has arranged to meet up with him this week. This would explain much. It also hurts like hell.

The not being interested? I can deal with that. The lies and hurtful treatment of me? I can forget that.

But when she chooses another guy over me? That is a whole other world of pain

I was seriously low today, being the one she doesn't want is a massive blow to the oul confidence. I shouldn't be feeling like this about it! You'd think I was after discovering my wife was cheating or something!! It's like all the negative things about a relationship with none of the positives! I don't know why I'm so invested.

I may just have to re-evaluate who my drinking buddies are

Has anyone any tips on how to forget this? I'm going to be exactly as Canluum said.

Sorry to keep posting in the OPs thread.

Seriously, you need to forget this girl. She sounds like a pure waste of time. I know its easier said than done, and the ones that treat us badly seem to be the ones we invest most time being upset over. You deserve so much better than this crap. You need to made the decision to just get her out of your head completely. Get out there and have fun. You'll meet the right person eventually. Dont waste any more time on that madam. Onwards and upwards....Good Luck:)