People are interested in me to begin with but then cut off - Help?

LegacyUser

basically, i have no social life. i'm willing to admit it openly and honestly. i recently moved from another country where the social life was very different. i dont drink/smoke and from where i lived before, this would be the same for the majority of people. we would hang out in places like coffee shops or whatever. i guess its like the equivalent of a pub. i just did a mature students course this year and i tried making some effort to get to know people. i have huge difficulties in making friends so i decided to be just braver going up to people and talking with them. out of everyone in the class, i have only talked to three of them regularly. one of them was a girl i liked but she didn't feel the same. everything was fine for a while then she seemingly cut off contact with me so it hurt me badly. in terms of the other 2 guys, like i said, i have difficulty in making friends so its one thing for me to go up to people and get to know them (and vice versa) but its another level for me to go organising outings. there have been a couple times where one of the girls in the class was trying to make an effort to organise a class outing. i went the first time which was just before christmas but out of the whole class, it was only me and her there (and some people from a social group she hangs out with) and then i managed to persuade the girl i liked (i hadn't told her at the time that i did) to go. she came and we spent 15 minutes and then she invited me to a friend's house so i went with her. anyway, long story short, things were fine for a couple weeks and then she seemingly cut off contact with me.

with other people, it can be the same. i contacted an old school friend of mine when i was here in national school. we hung out a few times but we weren't really like minded and although we both have interests in music, he would be passionate about it while i would just like it a lot. (He seriously plays guitar and tried starting up a band while i'd be the type that would listen to music regularly but not necessarily learn an instrument). anyway, contact kind of cut off with him as well and i just accepted it at the time that we just didn't think alike. with those two other guys, i feel like they're fine talking with me when we're at college but they don't seem to have any interest in meeting out of college. like i said, i'd suggest to them from time to time that we must head out sometime. they'd acknowledge it but that would be it. that girl who organised the first class party thing invited me again to go to a club. i'm not a clubbing person and while i'd consider giving it a go, it would go down very badly with my family (i live at home). a while ago, i used to believe that if people didn't return my interest that it isn't my problem since i'm a sound guy. i'm very friendly and i can be humourous at times. the thing is though, i tried reaching out to some of my old national school friends and they'd briefly talk with me but that would be it. so now i feel that there must be something really wrong with me if everyone feels that there is something repulsive about me. i'm starting to believe that there is some sort of hidden rumour going round about me. the problem is, i have no friends so how can i know if there is a rumour going round.

its just really depressing me and its leading me to have very dark thoughts. i'm not sure if its racism towards my appearance or religion but i am half Irish so i don't look foreign as such and i have lived here for half my life, likewise how i lived in my other country so i know how things work.

Kevster

You're stuck in a rut dude, and are trying to drag your entire history with you into your future. Your school friends have no need to talk to you now - they have settled into their own group of friends and it would be difficult for 'new' people to break into that. Also, you have moved country - yes - but you will simply have to forget about the culture in your former country, and adapt to the culture of your present country (Ireland, I assume?).

You can take stock of the fact that those girls you mentioned at least invited you to places and seemed to genuinely want your presence. So, up-front, there is nothing wrong with you. What exactly happens as yuo get to know people more though? Is it your low self-esteem tht's draging you back?; a lack of 'talking' ability?; or something else?

I'm only replying because no-one else bothered to. Your post was very long, and you should be aware that long posts tend to be ignored more. Such is the selfishness of humanity.

Kevin