Unhappy with sex life in marriage.

madeupname953

Dublinjim I was all set to post my own thread up but chickened out for a while so I cut and saved it, then found my way here and read your post and find so many similarities in it, I'll throw my own story in here


I'm married over 10 years to .... herself. We have what other people want, kids, house with low mortgage, 1 job, vulnerable happiness. But for me theres this problem. We're married since the 90s yet my wife still undresses in the bathroom, when we make love which is only every few months (my fault too) theres no nudity on her part in that everything is done with lights off, I've never had the pleasure of the sight of....her. When it comes to the act, she wont let me bring her climax on and resists any further activity in whatever area I was 'at' trying to get her there if her climax its close, so her enjoyment of it is always limited by mine. The conversations have been had for 16 years, this is no bragging on my part, she wont let me take her there.
Its driving me nuts, I want to know what sex is like with a woman who really wants to let go and have a bloody orgasm. My reason for posting this is that it really is in my mind way too much. Do I fancy her? Not really due to her body this last 8 years and drinking 4 cans of beer per night. Am I looking after myself, dont have to, am a whippet by nature. But its not her body thats the problem, we can have plenty of power between the sheets, its just that when I'm done, she is too. Dont women ever come before men? I wouldnt know because my wife is my only ever partner.
I am aware thats theres immorality written right through my text.


dublinjim, do you think its almost settled in your mind that to find another partner would not be unfair to any adult and that the only thing stopping you is your kids because of the mess that could follow. Weighs on me anyway, why not the bit about going behing HER back, havent done it but am fairly afraid that the lifetime guilt trip could break me.

Cheap Thrills!

I'm really shocked at the post above. I can't believe you have put up with that for so long.....if she has a problem then she needs to see a psychiatrist/psychologist etc and stop this ridiculous charade she is putting you through.

As for OP, I'd say you are right, she is causing a row to distract attention away from the fact she has vetoed sex and expects you to just accept that and get over it.

Both cases are slightly different but with one similarity, the women in question are refusing to accept that there is a problem and forcing their bull$hit on their partners.

OP, if she refuses to have sex and refuses to discuss it then its over. No way would I put up with that, what does she think...that you are going to just accept it and be sexless forever? Yeh right...:rolleyes: Tell her straight, she acts like and adult and discusses it and gets help or its over.

The man above... morality? what? what are you talking about, shes having sex yet she wont have an orgasm, getting dressed in the bathroom.....thats just not normal....does she think its immoral to enjoy sex or something? You're married, how more moral could it be?

The longer you accept that the more you enable her behaviour....you only get one life. Women are just as sexual as men, trust me.

My opinion on people like this is they are utterly selfish. If the husband is trapped because of the kids and the wife refuses to discuss it then the husband is perfectly in his rights to go elsewhere for sex. You couldn't call it cheating because in the first case there is no sex and in the second the wife is totally reluctant and not participating anyway.

Give them fair warning, if they still play silly beggars then move on.

madeupname953

On the morality thing, I was badly explaining how I feel guilty for thinking the way I do about greener pastures if you know what I mean. But thanks very much for your comments.

madeupname953

In the absence of OP bringing the thead on I hope its ok to do so myself...

edited

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. Kinda knew myself I need to stop seeing the guy. I think I'm just still a bit shocked at how it's turned out.

grandmaster wrote: »

What I don't understand is why you didn't go after the older brother when you first met him.

I'm not brave enough to ask someone straight out. Really admire people who do but I just can't bring myself to. If the older one had asked me out I absolutely would have but he didn't and I didn't. The younger brother was more forward and asked me out. And he seemed like a nice guy and we got on so I thought why not. If I had known he was the brother of the other guy I definitely wouldn't have gone out with him.

seenitall

madeupname, your posts are horribly sad to read.

If you hadn't been living the way you are for years and years, I would say your situation was untenable, but you prove me wrong, unfortunately.

I hope that some day you will learn to love and value yourself enough to get the heck out of such an arid, unfulfilling, restrictive intimate relationship. Don't you think that your life is sad? Don't you think you deserve more? Don't you ever get angry? :mad:

The best of luck to you. Just always remember the answer to the question how many lives we have, to squander on being unhappy and unfulfilled. Talk about immorality! :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

though my experience is not similar to yours I was with someone recently who suffered seriously from self esteem problems (in my opinion).
Like you, they would change in the bathroom, they would instruct me not to look at them while they changed, even though I thought they were bloody hot as hell and she is pretty. Turned out there were a few underlying issues.
I couldn't believe it, she was so bad, but I'm no longer with that person, so it never became a major issue, but would have I think....
I used to have these issues years ago, and would try and leave my tshirt on as much as possible due to scars etc. I'm sure they thought I was odd at the time, but I got over it, and just get on with it now...
I think you should propose doing something about it, like going to see someone...

madeupname953

seenitall wrote: »

I hope that some day you will learn to love and value yourself enough to get the heck out of such an arid, unfulfilling, restrictive intimate relationship. Don't you think that your life is sad? Don't you think you deserve more? Don't you ever get angry? :mad:

You have a put a fair reflection things, I do think that this aspect of my life is very sad and why dont I deserve more tis true. I was thinking of telling her I am going for hypnosis....the hypnotist will be asked to convince me that I've been sleeping with someone who goes mental in the bed the minute I lay my hands on her and that she's been having orgasms by the dozen. It'd either cure me or drive me bananas trying to find out who she is.

On the anger bit, that just gets buried deep inside where nobody can see. It feels great to have even put it on a public forum even if it is anonymously done but if a problem shared is a problem halved then theres halves for everyone today and tomorrow special offer!!!