Treat em mean keep em keen

LegacyUser

Iv met a wonderfull girl...
Im not great at relationships but this one has been amazing so far!
We are both very much in love and are about to live together.
Im a really nice bloke, sound, caring, easy to get on with, loving and attentive.
I believe my biggest problem with ex's is I was to nice to them and you always here the saying treat them mean keep em keen.
I spoil this girl, though i love it, i love to see her so happy, i buy lots of small gifts, nothing overboard though, and i am really really nice to her and she is back to me.
My biggest worry is that becuase im so nice and im no challenge to win me and that i am way to attentive (i think ex's wud even consider me clingy) is this relationship going to fail becuase im too nice? Iv mentioned it to my girlfriend and she says she loves it, no guy has ever been so sweet to her and i believe she means it (she is moving countrys to live with me) but is she going to grow bored???

The_Conductor

Some people like to be chased- some people like to do chasing. Treating people mean- may work with some people- but it is just as likely to be a massive turnoff for other people. If she says she loves the attention and finds it sweet- accept this. The key to any relationship is communication though- and you obviously have no problems in that department, if she is willing to go to all the trouble of moving country to be with you.

Sometimes the nice guy gets the girl- thankfully......:)

LegacyUser

my OH is a bit like yourself..ask him to do anything and he will. while i can see area of vulnrability, i never overstep the line and it works well with us, he doesnt mind being asked to do things and i'm naturally a leader. so i guess if you work well with each other then it is obviously working so far!!
if this is all you're worried about then you're quite lucky tbh!
..work
..money
..bills
..commitments
..sex life
are all other area's in which problems will always arise.

i hope it works out for you,relationships are not easy at times but communication really is the key. be yourself, thats the best you can do. if it doesn't work..it doesn't.

unclecessna

''Treat em mean to keep em keen'' is a well established Player term. Only thing is how many players do you know who have ended up in long term healthy relationships... I haven't seen too many in my time.

There is some truth to the term in so far as don't fall down and roll-over for a girl etc. Be your own man and be confident being you. If giving the occasional thoughtful gift to the gf is something you are inclined to do then that is your personality so don't change it.

Try to keep things balanced and a bit more restrained if you HAVE gone too OTT in the past but don't try to be someone you aren't either. Just reign yourself in more in those situations.

If at the end of the day the girl dosen't like you for who you really are then she isn't worth your time IMHO.

LegacyUser

burbling wrote: »

Iv met a wonderfull girl...
Im not great at relationships but this one has been amazing so far!
We are both very much in love and are about to live together.
Im a really nice bloke, sound, caring, easy to get on with, loving and attentive.
I believe my biggest problem with ex's is I was to nice to them and you always here the saying treat them mean keep em keen.
I spoil this girl, though i love it, i love to see her so happy, i buy lots of small gifts, nothing overboard though, and i am really really nice to her and she is back to me.
My biggest worry is that becuase im so nice and im no challenge to win me and that i am way to attentive (i think ex's wud even consider me clingy) is this relationship going to fail becuase im too nice? Iv mentioned it to my girlfriend and she says she loves it, no guy has ever been so sweet to her and i believe she means it (she is moving countrys to live with me) but is she going to grow bored???

I think it all depends, there's a difference between being attentive, loving and caring and being a pushover. The treat em mean thing has a certain merit but as mentioned it's mostly about being a player. When it comes to relationships it's about compatibility and equality.

While you might like to give in the relationship I think it's important that you also have boundaries on this. If you are too much of a pushover your GF might cop on to this and constantly use you and this is no foundation for a relationship. I think that most people will respect you more if you are able to call them up when they are being an ass and pushing the limits of your niceness.

So in essence it's not about treating them mean for a successful relationship, it's about begin confident in yourself and knowing what you want and being able to let the other person know this.

LegacyUser

The treat em mean keep them keen, works for needy, weak men to pick up needy weak woman.

It is great to be nice. It is a massive bonus when it comes to attracting woman. Doesn't mean you can't shout, get angry or have an argument with your partner.

You have a problem if you are needy, clingy and a push over.
What this tells woman. You think they are the best, better than you in fact and you will do anything for them to make up for the fact they are so much better than. It makes the woman think you are not good enough for them and they will look else where.

LegacyUser

I don't believe in playing games or being anything other than yourself. Do you really want somebody who doesn't love the real you. Finding somebody who loves you for you is the best feeling in the world so my advice would be just be yourself. If your gf loves the real you then brilliant and thats the way it should be. Don't ever change who you are.

Jessica-Rabbit

burbling wrote: »

Iv met a wonderfull girl...
Im not great at relationships but this one has been amazing so far!
We are both very much in love and are about to live together.
Im a really nice bloke, sound, caring, easy to get on with, loving and attentive.
I believe my biggest problem with ex's is I was to nice to them and you always here the saying treat them mean keep em keen.
I spoil this girl, though i love it, i love to see her so happy, i buy lots of small gifts, nothing overboard though, and i am really really nice to her and she is back to me.
My biggest worry is that becuase im so nice and im no challenge to win me and that i am way to attentive (i think ex's wud even consider me clingy) is this relationship going to fail becuase im too nice? Iv mentioned it to my girlfriend and she says she loves it, no guy has ever been so sweet to her and i believe she means it (she is moving countrys to live with me) but is she going to grow bored???

There is no reason not to be nice in a realtionship they work both ways. personaly i have no tolerance what so ever to the treat em mean keep em keen atttidude and when ex's pulled that stunt I was gone.. Reationships can be fun but they arent games..so dont play games!!! if she is happy and your happy keep it that way because if you start messing around there is a strong chance you will end up single ...

LegacyUser

Personal experience: I was dating a guy who was like this, and I thought it was adorable. He would send flowers, little gifts, etc, all nice, very very cute.

But then he started to get clingy – in my world that happens when the person starts to step into your personal space. And demand more time/attention than you are able or in the mood to give (not saying you are doing that)

Then I started to get annoyed. Because he was no nice and attentive, I felt bad to turn him down or set limits. And things got messy.

So I suppose only someone very superficial would be bothered by nice demonstrations of caring.

But please be careful to not expect the other person to show their feelings in the same way – maybe they do feel like you, but they have different ways of expressing it.