First Post, Opinions?

Parawhore.xD

First post here. This is just a short story I wrote for school, based from a Junior Cert mock past paper. It's a bit short but I'd appreiciate(spelling?) feedback, positive or otherwise.
The question this is from says: "Write a composition either beginning OR ending with the words, "As the music stopped I turned around""

As The Music Stops

I knew what was waiting for me if I turned around, so I didn’t. I wasn’t ready, my song was still playing.
So I closed my eyes and danced, head on his shoulder, melted in his arms. Thinking of all that we had shared, all that I would miss. All the whispered late night phone calls, the private jokes and smiles, the times he held me close and called me beautiful.
I knew that there was no escaping what was to come but I wanted to stall, even if it was only for a little while. Any time at all was like gold to me now, any time at all just to be happy and at peace with myself.
I didn’t get that anymore, peace, I mean, and I hadn’t for a long time. There was always something in the way, but not for long, soon there would be nothing but peace. I wondered what that would be like, nothing but peace, forever.
However I pushed the thought away, nothing would get in the way of tonight, tonight and my perfect song. Lilting and beautiful but just a little haunting. It reminded me of me in a way, not that I could ever be beautiful now, but soon I would be again.
I felt my eyes begin to burn, tears pricking them. I hadn’t cried in a year and a half, not since I first found out, I’d cried for hours then, but not since. I thought if I wasn’t sad, no one else would be. That somehow, my emotional and physical strength was instinctively linked.
I was once told that “crying doesn’t indicate weakness, since birth it has been a sign that you are alive.” I was also told that I didn’t cry immediately once I was born. They were worried I wouldn’t.
But right now, what I needed most was to feel alive, really alive, just once. So I let the tears flow, at first I tried to wipe them away, to stop them staining his shirt. Only soon I couldn’t, I just let them flow, my thin frame shaking with sobs.
For a second, I was afraid he would push me away, but quickly buried that thought as he pulled me closer and kissed the top of my head, his way of letting me know it was okay. How could I have thought, even for a moment that a few tears, after all we had been through together would push him away?
I looked up at him and smiled, my eyes, the ones he said were beautiful, even without eyelashes to frame them, shining with tears and told him, one more time, that I loved him.
I felt the music slow and with it, my breathing. There was a sad understanding in his eyes as he bent down and kissed me, goodbye. The kiss salty with both our tears.
I finally felt brave. And so, when the music stopped, I turned around...


Thanks

ToasterSparks

I really liked it. There were little things grammar-wise that could be different, but overall I liked the character and there was a lot of emotion in the piece. Very sad, but that was the intention of it.

Well done!

Parawhore.xD

Thanks! Yeah there was some stuff I just couldn't word properly that I'm probably going to go back to and revise.
Thanks again though

ToasterSparks

Don't forget there's a Short Story Comp sticky at the top of the forum if you'd like a challenge!

Parawhore.xD

Oh yeah thanks! I don't really have time at the moment with school though
Maybe after my exams!