Really depressed and worried

LegacyUser

Hi all

basically my problem is that I'm a 25 year old female and have never had a boyfriend, never kissed a guy, never had any sort of relationship whatsoever with a member of the opposite sex. I'm a relatively normal young girl (believe it or not!) and I'm constantly being told by others that I'm very attractive but I just can't take it in and believe them. I'm still extremely self conscious. I judy so wish I wasn't so afraid and worried and I could just meet a nice guy and be happy.

I'm not in the pub/club scene at all really and this I feel is a major factor in me not meeting anyone. I'm also just extremely shy around most guys - you wouldn't think it if you knew me I'd say but I am!

I'm just so hung up about this as I would really like to meet a good guy but how would I explain my situation to him at my age?? I feel like it's too late to be 'starting out' and that I should have way more experience at my age.

Please help!! I've been crying a lot lately over this. I'm finding it hard to stay positive.

MagicSean

Worriedgirl wrote: »

Hi all

basically my problem is that I'm a 25 year old female and have never had a boyfriend, never kissed a guy, never had any sort of relationship whatsoever with a member of the opposite sex. I'm a relatively normal young girl (believe it or not!) and I'm constantly being told by others that I'm very attractive but I just can't take it in and believe them. I'm still extremely self conscious. I judy so wish I wasn't so afraid and worried and I could just meet a nice guy and be happy.

I'm not in the pub/club scene at all really and this I feel is a major factor in me not meeting anyone. I'm also just extremely shy around most guys - you wouldn't think it if you knew me I'd say but I am!

I'm just so hung up about this as I would really like to meet a good guy but how would I explain my situation to him at my age?? I feel like it's too late to be 'starting out' and that I should have way more experience at my age.

Please help!! I've been crying a lot lately over this. I'm finding it hard to stay positive.

If you aren't into pubs or clubs you have to real options. Work/college people or friends of friends. Don't be afraid to let people know that you are looking for someone. And don't worry about the experience. Everyone goes at their own pace. Most people lie about it anyway.

Fonze07

I have exactly the same problem as you OP. I am just gone 27 and have only had 1 brief relationship. I don't drink or smoke so hardly ever go to pubs/clubs etc so i am finding it very hard to meet a nice girl. Where are you from OP? Because we are in the same boat i would love to PM you and get to know you and hope you would like to too.

Contessa Raven

Hi OP.

Tbh, most people don't find many people for a long lasting relationship in a pub/club. (Some do but ime it's rare.) My friends have met their OH's mostly through other people. I met my OH in college. It's different for everyone. But the most common way ime is through friends of friends.

What about taking up a hobby or joining a sport or class? You'll meet others there and you'll already have at least one thing in common to talk about.

CR

LegacyUser

Contessa Raven wrote: »

Hi OP.

Tbh, most people don't find many people for a long lasting relationship in a pub/club. (Some do but ime it's rare.) My friends have met their OH's mostly through other people. I met my OH in college. It's different for everyone. But the most common way ime is through friends of friends.

What about taking up a hobby or joining a sport or class? You'll meet others there and you'll already have at least one thing in common to talk about.

CR

Thanks I'm trying to convince myself that that's the case but my mum insists that it's the only way I'm going to meet someone in Ireland! My friends for most part have very different interests to me and so their other Male friends wouldn't be the type I would go for.

I know I should be out doing more but I'm not a sporty person and also I would prefer to go to a class with a friend if I was to go as I don't think I'm very good at striking up conversation. I think not having a lot of friends makes a difference too - I don't know enough people and wish I knew more and am tryin at the moment to make some new girlfriends through boards as I'm sick of not being able to go to events/concerts etc because my friends don't like them.

As you can see there are other issues as well besides the whole boyfriend thing

Fonze07

Guess you don't want to answer. I wish you all the luck and hope you find what you are looking for

JonathanAnon

Hey OP, I think you are focussing too much on the negative.. Out of the group of my four friends(we're now mid 30s), two of us got married in our late twenties and both are now separated, so dont be too anxious to settle down just for the sake of settling down. Being in a relationship with someone will not make your life perfect.

that I should have way more experience at my age.

That's not even an issue so dont worry about it. Having your heart broken at an early age could have left you resentful and carrying a lot of baggage into any future relationship.

What is your work situation, do you work predominantly with women?

LegacyUser

JonathanAnon wrote: »

Hey OP, I think you are focussing too much on the negative.. Out of the group of my four friends(we're now mid 30s), two of us got married in our late twenties and both are now separated, so dont be too anxious to settle down just for the sake of settling down. Being in a relationship with someone will not make your life perfect.


That's not even an issue so dont worry about it. Having your heart broken at an early age could have left you resentful and carrying a lot of baggage into any future relationship.

What is your work situation, do you work predominantly with women?

Hi yes unfortunately it's ALL women I work with! I know I can be very negative but tbh it's very hard to be positive when you're feeling like this. I just know I have to make more of an effort to get out there and be more confident in myself but it's just difficult and a bit daunting taking that first step when you havn't been there before

glasta

Like people say, best thing is to just go join a club or something that interests you (I should take my own advice!). I've been out of the dating scene for a few years and am trying to convince myself to get back into it, but it is difficult. It's just one of these things you just gotta go for

billybigunz

I'll give you a dart if you're interested.


No, in seriousness you probably need to be more open to men. Become an option to them rather than the background.

einsam

Lady, you sound like you've got so much to give. Let some lucky man find you. Stop looking for him, as that way you'll never find him. I rushed into a relationship that i probably shouldn't have (2 great kids from it though) but now that it's all going pear shaped, i realise that I should have listened to my gut instinct 11 years ago. I married the wrong person, I'm now 43 and she's leaving me. I'd give so much to be back in your position with my whole life ahead of me and able to make the right choices.

Embrace the freedom you have, enjoy it for what it is, get out there and find yourself before you start looking for anyone else. Trust me, they will find YOU!

Cheer up, the glass should always be half full.:)

Alessandra

My mam used to say to me that "men won't come beating down the door to you", i.e. you can't just expect to be asked out or wait at home hoping prince charming will arrive to get you.

Work on your confidence and believe me I know this is hard to do. We Irish are very self-depricating by nature and rarely accept a compliment with the intention it is given. For example if someone tells you you look nice, say "thank-you" and believe it. Realising that people have more on their minds than judging me or criticising me also made me more self-confident. People can love me or hate me, doesn't really bother me anymore.

I think you need to put a little effort into socialising and generally putting yourself out there. Your social life doesn't have to revolve around the pub either. I know Ireland is more limited in socila activities not involving alcohol but I am pretty certain there are like-minded people to you in the country.
There are dinner clubs I think where groups of people meet for dinner in restaurants. Have you tried clubs, sports, evening classes?

Even if you don't meet a man there you will at least extend your social circle, get out more and who knows from there meet someone interesing;)

LegacyUser

Thanks - ya my mum says the same thing and i know that i won't meet anyone if i don't 'get out there' so i am going to be going to a few fitness classes and perhaps go out a bit more during the week to pubs - as they are a bit quieter then and that is a big issue for me - the fact i hate overcrowded pubs.

I guess a lot of it is that i went to an all girls school and didn't go to the teenage discos and all that lark so i'm just generally not used to a lot of male interaction apart from my dad and brother!

I think i mainly just need to work on my confidence cos that's what's holding me back a lot of the time i think.

Thanks guys for all the advice