Worrier,flustered,lack of confidence

LegacyUser

Hi,
Im just wondering has anyone been through this at any time in their lives?

Basically I seem have an overall problem of being out of confidence, being a worrier, getting flustered in work, reading into things too much, and generally being way way too aware of what other people think in general.

Sometimes I try and convince myself that it doesnt matter, that people dont care but I somehow always find a way of beating myself up again.
A few problems include.

Work: Im a technician, I get very flustered when theres any pressure on me, or someone of authority is watching my work, I cannot relax one bit, I panic inside even though I know I shouldnt. Sometimes i can hide it, sometimes not, as Ive been told I need more confidence once or twice in there.

Also in work, I cannot seem to be myself around the group I work with, even though im ok with other people in other offices. Its strange, I cant relax, and even on work occasions I am considered the quiet one even though im not like that with friends. I am sick of being constantly aware of myself and others around me. I wish I could just turn off and be relaxed.

Social life: I have great friends, and im good at talking to new people once I have something to talk about. New people dont bother me one bit, and I can be quite chatty but again, not with small talk, there has to be a topic.But when it comes to women I am useless, again, im over aware of my situation. I dont come across as nervous and again if I am something to talk about I could chat forever but if not I am terrible. I try and hide that so as a result I just come across as quiet when it comes to women. I cannot approach women, people say just talk to them , and I know theyre right, but I cannot just go up to a woman start having a laugh without having something to chat about.

Sorry about the rant, its just I feel im letting life slip away and ruining the best years of my life by making myself unhappy in these situations. I am convinced I can be "cured". I am considering seeing a counceller, I know it sounds over the top but when your being held back from basic things in life because of caring too much and worrying too much it can be very crippling.

If anyone else has been through this I would love to hear from your experiences.

LegacyUser

Yeah I have been there many times in my life. It can really get to you. I understand completely what you mean by it crippling you.

I often find a sense of paranoia comes with it. You are constantly aware of what others are thinking, what their perception of you is etc. You start doubting yourself.

I am like you in that it is not always that way. I find it is only in certain situations. I, too, absolutely hete when people are watching over me do my work. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I find I cannot do my job properly.

I despise small talk. Sometimes I find it a chore. It bores me. I can only do it to a certain point at which time I begin to even bore myself with what I am saying.

By all means if you think counselling will hel, go for it. If you find it is such a problem in your life, it might be worth talking about it with someone. I have been to counselling to myself. I found it really helped me. It really opened up my eyes and made me feel so much better about myself. I didn't go to see the counsellor for this problem specifically. It was about an event which had happened at the time. Though these "problems" I mention above did crop up every now and then.

glasta

OP, I know exactly what you mean. Your description is pretty much me in a nutshell. I would love to be able not to give a crap about what people think of me, but I've never been able to get over it. It's a pain. I get embarrassed very easily. If for example I do some stupid drunken thing even if there's nobody about, I'm mortified about even though nobody knows I did it!

It's something I've learned to live with I guess, I can't give you much advice as to how to "cure" it. Try the counseling if you think it would help. If you find a cure let me know as it gets exhausting.

nonsmoker

Hi OP

I think everyone suffers from all of the above at some stage even though you would never think it of some people as they are good at hiding it.

I dont know anyone who likes being watched over at work, we all get flustered when we are in a panic to do things - just think to yourself that this person watcing is just a normal person like yourself and take your time with whatever you are doing, you will get it done

With your work colleagues, maybe spend time with them individually, whether its just at the coffee machine or photocopier etc, just make conversation, as you grow more comfortable with them one on one it will make you feel better in a group situation with them?

Small talk can be boring but it can lead on to more interesting conversations, ie the weather (our favourite) can open up a discussion to the holidays, volcano ash, passports fiasco etc
Try to just think of women you dont know as if they are a friend and talk like you would to a friend, they may not be at first but they soon could be

Hope things seem better for you after getting things posted, it can help so much just to write things down

JuliusCaesar

Might be worthwhile reading up on this...
Lots of self-help books etc out there