best friend has feelings for me

LegacyUser

I'm a bisexual girl- been in a relationship with a woman for 2 years.

Prior to that I slept with my best friend (male) once-off and in a situation where we were both upset over other relationships not working out. Never really thought about that again- we've been friends for years and we've always told each other who we fancy etc, never looked at him in a romatic light, more like a family member and the one-night stand was a once-off slip in judgement on both our parts- so I thought.

A few months ago we were out drinking and he tried to kiss me, and i giggled and pushed him off me and just went "I'm in a realionship now love". He later told me at a house party he needed to talk and apologiesed but confessed he'd been "in love" with me for a few years and had planned on asking me out before i got with my gf. I told him I didn't feel the same and then we spoke the next morning and agreed not to see each other for a while untiol he would get over me and we could be friends again.

I'm seeing him today for the first time since and ****ting it. We've gone from being jooint at the hip to not talking. Looking back he could easily have interpreted my behaviour as flirtatious, we often shared a bed, would pick out each others clothes for nights out etc. I don't want to hurt him so I thought keeping my distance was the best thing, but we've supported each out so much in the past I realy miss him and want him back in my life, but not if it will hurt him. I also don't want to sound stuck up.

I haven't told my gf, as she doesn't know we slept together in the past, as I initially didn't want to freak her out as i thought of him as just a mate and now its kinda gone too long to turn around and tell her.

I have a fmaily member sick at the moment and also other family problems, he's the one person in the world I could normally talk to about such things (my GF doesn't know my family), but I don't want to rely on him again and put him in an awkward position.

Sheena99

Hope it went well today.

Taltos

WorstBestFriend wrote: »

I haven't told my gf, as she doesn't know we slept together in the past, as I initially didn't want to freak her out as i thought of him as just a mate and now its kinda gone too long to turn around and tell her.

I have a fmaily member sick at the moment and also other family problems, he's the one person in the world I could normally talk to about such things (my GF doesn't know my family), but I don't want to rely on him again and put him in an awkward position.

Really hope it went well. But I think you might need to look at how you manage your relationships again.
Not wanting to hurt him is great - but needing someone to lean on and that being him and not your GF - well - that is just using him - no matter what you tell yourself.
Him being the only one in the world you would talk to and the rest - do you wonder why he was confused - a relationship in all but name...

LegacyUser

Hi I'm the OP- waiting to meet him now, will have 2 other friends there he's told me so shouldn't have to have the awkward one-on-one. The reason I can't drag my girlfriend into it is 1. she's never met my family due to their prejudices and 2. the particular family member involved was also related to her through marriage (which has now ended in a very messy divorce) and 3. She's been on a number of different anti-depressants for a while and I'm trying to help her through that without stressing her any further.

The reason I'm so worried about my relationship with my friend is that he's literally the only person I was ever close to growing up and I'd like to think our friendship was strong enough to overcome this but at the same time I still want to give him his space and not be constantly in his face. I don't want to come across concieted by saying that direct;y to him (and this is also really weird because I normally would be going to HIM for this kind of advice - hence the anonomus post in a forum).

Any advice at all would be appreciated as I want to rebuild this friendship in the future without "leading him on" (which is probably a bad phrase as he said himself the last tim ehtat he's aware I've never given him any false hopes or pretences)

Bottle_of_Smoke

Cruel to be kind - You don't have a real friendship. He's only there because he's in love with you.

He's going to be jealous of every guy/girl you ever get with. Do you not think its a bit sleazy that he hung around pretending to be a best mate when in reality he wanted more?

The_Conductor

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Cruel to be kind - You don't have a real friendship. He's only there because he's in love with you.

He's going to be jealous of every guy/girl you ever get with. Do you not think its a bit sleazy that he hung around pretending to be a best mate when in reality he wanted more?

I disagree- I've plenty of female friends- who I'd be only too happy to chat with about literally anything. It doesn't necessarily mean that I have feelings other than friendship towards them- and I don't.

Regularly sharing a bed with a member of the opposite sex- even if its not in an intimate manner- is a different story altogether though. Its not normal- and I think it would be perfectly understandable for the male friend to develope feelings for the OP.

OP- I hope the meeting worked out ok today.

S.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Cruel to be kind - You don't have a real friendship. He's only there because he's in love with you.

He's going to be jealous of every guy/girl you ever get with. Do you not think its a bit sleazy that he hung around pretending to be a best mate when in reality he wanted more?

Jesus Christ.. Glad I don't know you in real life anyway.

The Recliner

Deleted User wrote: »

Jesus Christ.. Glad I don't know you in real life anyway.

Banned for 2 weeks