Wife won't sleep with me

dublinjim

Hi,

My wife always had low sex drive and after our 2 children ,she just lost interest totally . I, on the other hand, have a what i would like to think a normal sex drive. no matter what i try to woo her it dont work, just miss a good snoggnig session as a basic part of our relationship.
only married 6 yrs but it's bloody hard as i do love my wife but i need a release of passion of which see doesn't want.I'm not in a job that it's easy to meet someone to have fun with but on the other hand i'm not looking really looking for that, just some spark with my wife but to no avail.
am getting frustrated as haven't had sex i 2 and a half yrs.
if i seen a naked female body that would probably put me over the edge.
i canot talk to my wife as she always gets on the defencive and an arguement occurs which i think is done on purpose.


dont no what to do ????????????

The Recliner

OP the thread you replied to was a year old, I have set you up with your own thread as you might get different more relevant advice

Ickle Magoo

dublinjim wrote: »

i canot talk to my wife as she always gets on the defencive and an arguement occurs which i think is done on purpose.


dont no what to do ????????????

You have to sit her down and tell her in no uncertain terms how damaging this is to your relationship and that it MUST be dealt with ASAP. Ask she attends a relationship counsellor with you and take it from there. Ignore any arguments or defensive attacks just make sure she knows you are at breaking point then make the appointment, ask her to be there and you'll see how much she wants to save your relationship.

I think it's such a cruel thing to marry someone, lure them with affection and regular sex and then as soon they have you trapped with kids and a mortgage, stop bothering or refuse to interact. I appreciate the numerous things that may create such a situation but to not to want to discuss it or improve the situation despite being aware it is making your partner unhappy is just plain mean.

Best of luck.

Kanye

OP, what's your wife doing to settle her needs?

I don't want to be overly pessimistic, but this is one of the most serious problems a marriage can go through because it has a tendency to lead to playing away from home. Not too many married men actually want to potentially cause huge amounts of hurt and distrust, but as above, it can be the lesser of two evils.

You need to consider your situation carefully and try to weigh up options. I've tried a number of times to come up with a couple of suggestions, but it's useless because I know nothing about you. You know yourself what options you have here.

CDfm

OP -you dont say about your home life.Being drab can work two ways.

It doesnt seem that there is anyone else.

A few kids etc. kids can take over a relationship so its coming up to summer so why not try with a big house clean and de-babyfying the house a bit.

If you guys can afford a we bit of a makeover try sprucing yourselves up -say by hairdo's and some new clothes for her and a visit to the beauticians.

Clean up the living room to be baby free after 8 or 9 o clock on a Saturday night. Flowers, aromatic candles and a bottle of wine and some massage oil.

Have a babysitter in for the odd night or drop the kids with their respective grannies one or two nights per month so you can go out together, cinema or even a walk and a bag of chips.

There is lots you can do to improve the quality of your lives.

By all means go to a relationship councellor but get practical too and start working on therelationship yourself. Your enthusiasm could rub off on her.

LegacyUser

I am in the same boat, kind of...

I am in my early thirties and my husband is 10 years older.. due to years of hard labour and too many football and gaa etc he is now telling me that he is 'getting too old for this' and that it is starting to hurt - not the sex part - the motions etc he said is aching every bone in his body.

We have tried different positions and now he is almost afraid to kiss me in case I 'want it'. Am I being selfish to want to have sex with my husband. It's not just about the sex - I have tried to explain this... its the intimacy and everything that goes with it. The next 20 years without sex... I am sorry, I really don't think I can do that, what do I do ? Am I a horrible horrible wife for wanting sex ?

I have 'sexual aids' - but it isn't the same...

Smallbit

me too kindof wrote: »

Am I being selfish to want to have sex with my husband. It's not just about the sex - I have tried to explain this... its the intimacy and everything that goes with it. The next 20 years without sex... I am sorry, I really don't think I can do that, what do I do ? Am I a horrible horrible wife for wanting sex ?

No it's not selfish at all! The simple fact is that your partner cannot unilaterally decide to end your sex life and expect all other aspects of the marriage to remain intact. That applies to both sexes. Most of the excuses you will hear can generally be tackled either physiologically or psychologically.

It is very rare that absolutely no solution can be found. The real problem is that one or other partner decides not to bother finding a solution and expects their partner to accept it.

You don't have to accept it and we need to get over this silly idea that one partner in a relationship has the right to fundamentally change the rules. You must be assertive in demanding that your partner join with you in finding a solution. A sexless marriage is not 'normal' and you should never be guilted into accepting that it is.

CDfm

Jeez -people you do get older - but if any other part of your body wasn't working you would go to your GP.

This is a health issue as much as anything else. You can be damn sure that lots of others have been thru the same thing. OK -so its a liddle bit embarressing.

Thats my 10 cents for what its worth.