Sorry in advance...

nonsmoker

...I know this has been done loads of times!!

I am crazy about a guy I work with, work together over a year now and I have feelings for him for months. We are both single
We get on so well, we talk about anything and everything, we laugh and have a close relationship (I think) Whenever I first heard I was going to be working with this guy I thought no way, I didnt want to do it and thought theres no way we would be even be friends, but I really got to know him. He's a lovely person, I think about him all the time and miss him when I do not see him.

My head is wrecked cause I sometimes think he feels the same but Im not sure. I catch him looking at me funny loads of times, he says such lovely things to me, ie, said im gorgeous, said when we are 60 if we are still single we should get together, said we are like an old married couple as we sit and eat,chat together when we should be working, he touches my arm or back when we are talking, he offered me his last rolo..

But he blows hot and cold - I thought just us girls did that:)
Sometimes I think he just chats to me if there is none else around, he walks off if I am in the middle of saying something or he just grunts instead of talking, its as if he knows I like him and doesnt care what he says to me (he said something hurtful a few weeks ago but he knew that I was p'd off about something and when he asked what was wrong I told him, he was genuinely sorry and didnt mean anything by it)

I am going to tell him how I feel, I dont even care anymore if he doesnt feel the same and our friendship is ruined as this is already doing my head in and that is not going to change unless I do something. I wanted to post this as I needed to get things out. Havnt really said to any friends as I do not want to wreck their heads as well. God I feel like I'm 16 again with boy trouble!!
Feel free to let me know what you think..

Donkey Oaty

I catch him looking at me funny loads of times, he says such lovely things to me, ie, said im gorgeous, said when we are 60 if we are still single we should get together, said we are like an old married couple as we eat together, he touches my arm or back when we are talking..

He feels the same as you do. Take it further.

yeahimhere

Donkey Oaty wrote: »

He feels the same as you do. Take it further.

I think it's 50/50 on this one if he likes you or not seeing as he's blowing hot and cold. However, I agree with the above post. Take a chance, I think the best bet is to tell him that you're interested, what do you have to loose? Nothings worse than over thinking it. Worse case senario, he's not interested, at least you know, then you can move on to someone else.

Colonel_McCoy

go for it!

Miss Fluff

You're both single, there seems to be lots of chemistry etc and he definitely seems to have been flirting with you. Make your move girl, at least then you will know.

Ickle Magoo

I'm not convinced he fancies you and isn't just the flirty type. I can't imagine anyone in their right mind saying hurtful things or walking off while in the middle of a conversation with the person they really want a relationship with, or even worse, the person is mid-sentence! :eek:

Sounds more to me like he gets a nice ego boost from flirting with you when he's in the mood and when he's not, you get the "blowing cold". I think gut instincts are usually spot on, if you are getting the impressing he only talks to you when no-one else is there or that he doesn't care that what he says hurts your feelings, then I'd be wary of your attraction for him only picking up the things that could be interpreted as fancying you. That said, only way to find out for sure is to ask him!

Best of luck.

LD 50

Ask him out. It sounds like he likes you too. Hope it works out well for you.

He likes you but is afraid of the friend zone so goes hot and cold to try get out of it..

unclecessna

Hi Op,

I hate to have to go against the grain on this thread but I really do not think the guy is truly interested. The way he acts is the same way I act around girls who I like, think are also attractive but who I don't really have a thing for and just want to be friends with.

The hot and cold thing - as a friend you want to make the girl know that she is a attractive and worth while but at the same time you don't want to lead them on to only let them down later when they tell you how they really feel at a later stage(particularly when you can already tell that they have a thing for you) so by acting cold and distant at times that is a way of letting them know that you are just not interested in that way.

And it works both ways - I have been on the recieving end as well, but it is better than being completely led on only to end up falling on your face later.

So I'm sorry to give you a negative spin on things, hope I'm wrong here but that's how I see it.

Best of luck OP.

nonsmoker

Hi everyone, thanks for your thoughts on this, feel so much better bout all this since this post

Ickle Magoo - I hear ya!
My instincts are usually pretty good, he makes me sad (and mad) when he behaves like this and someone who makes me sad is not what I want, no matter how much I like him

Unclecessna - thanks for your honesty. I get what you are saying, we all want to make our friends feel good and all that but this guy saying the nice things he says is part of what made me fall for him in the first place

I have guy friends who I like, find attractive and am in no way interested in that way but I think by saying things like what this guy has said to me is what leads people on.
In my case I never fancied this guy at all, it was only when he started with the lovely compliments, etc that made me think he may fancy me but I dont and never have said these kind of things to him or any male friends as I would never have wanted to give off the wrong impression.

Anyway I will know for sure soon enough, we have a work thing coming up and I plan to let him know then how I feel. I will let you all know how it goes and thanks again for the feedback.

MagicSean

nonsmoker wrote: »

Hi everyone, thanks for your thoughts on this, feel so much better bout all this since this post

Ickle Magoo - I hear ya!
My instincts are usually pretty good, he makes me sad (and mad) when he behaves like this and someone who makes me sad is not what I want, no matter how much I like him

Unclecessna - thanks for your honesty. I get what you are saying, we all want to make our friends feel good and all that but this guy saying the nice things he says is part of what made me fall for him in the first place

I have guy friends who I like, find attractive and am in no way interested in that way but I think by saying things like what this guy has said to me is what leads people on.
In my case I never fancied this guy at all, it was only when he started with the lovely compliments, etc that made me think he may fancy me but I dont and never have said these kind of things to him or any male friends as I would never have wanted to give off the wrong impression.

Anyway I will know for sure soon enough, we have a work thing coming up and I plan to let him know then how I feel. I will let you all know how it goes and thanks again for the feedback.

The only reason you feel sad is because of all the confusion you're feeling. I wouldn't wait for the work thing to declare your feelings. If you talk to him at all try and arrange something for the two of you. Something small. Maybe tell him about a film you've been trying to see that noone else wants to go to. Or an event that you want to go to that noone is free for. If he likes you he should take this chance to offer to go. That way you can see how things go when its just the two of you rather than surrounded by workmates.

LD 50

I agree. In my experience, Just telling someone you like them usually only works in the movies. It's usually a shock to the other person. And can make them uncomfortable. But asking them if they want to catch a movie or dinner sometime gives them a chance to think about it, and the oppurtunity to say no, I'm busy that night without causing to much embarassment.

nonsmoker

I wanted to give an update on this...its not the one I was hoping to give but posting here will make me feel better, sorry its so long.

The day after I created this post, the guy in question told me he had been on a date the previous night.
I was a bit gutted but thought how wrong I was in thinking that he liked me more than a friend and I thought no harm done - at least I know now and I hadnt spilled my guts.

Anyway roll on the following weekend and we had a work thing which everyone in work attended, huge crowd from work were there. Having a great night mingling with colleagues and hanging out with my girlfriends, having a few drinks, etc. I hadnt really seen much of the guy for a while but then I saw I had 2 missed calls on my phone which were from him, he had also left a voice message saying that he was looking for me. I rang him to find out where he was, he said he was in a certain place and would I come to where he was so I thought I may as well go see whats up. We ended up snogging, went back to his house and had sex.

The next morning, he made it very clear that it was only ever going to be a one night thing, he liked this girl he had started seeing and we were just good friends, I was shocked but thought I'm just going to pretend that was fine with me. We went to work, behaved like nothing had happened and almost a month later we are getting on just as good as we always did, the same flirting, talking about everything, its like nothing ever happened. He is still seeing the girl.

The thing is I am heart broken that he is with someone else, I pretend in work that everything is fine because I dont want him to know how I feel or know how much he has hurt me, I have to see him everyday and dont want things to be awkward. I thought by now it would be bit easier but its not because I like him so much. I dont think I've ever felt this way about anyone before and think its because we get on so well as friends.

I'm so angry at myself for sleeping with him because now I will never know if we could have had something if we hadnt had sex.
None of us had that much to drink as we had food so we were not drunk. The only reason I had sex with him is because I genuinely thought this was the start of something as we are such good friends and after the months of flirting and he had only met this girl twice.

I feel like a slut for sleeping with him and I think he did know that I liked him and just used me and thats why he chased me that night cause he knew. I want him to think it meant nothing to me as it obviously meant nothing to him. Sometimes I think I am lucky that nothing further happened as he was seeing someone and then was with me but no matter how many times I tell myself this I cant help but feel sad about how different things could have been. I honestly dont think I have cried so much in my life.

You are probably reading this thinking we couldnt be that close if this is how things turned out but we do get on so well. Maybe thats just it, hes a great friend for me but nothing else.

I feel much better after writting this, its great to 'talk' about things. All I can do now is just hope things get easier soon. There are so many similar type posts here, its awful sad things have to be so hard.

Donkey Oaty

nonsmoker wrote: »

I feel like a slut for sleeping with him...

Lots of issues in your post, but I would say ditch that thought immediately.

You have done nothing wrong. You have not behaved like what most people would think a "slut" is.

I originally thought you should take things further, and I think you were right to do so. But now you know that things are not going to work out between you and this chap.

It's time to put this behind you and move on.

Best of luck.

unclecessna

I'm so sorry to hear that this happened to you OP and I sincerely hope that better things will happen in your life soon as you deserve it in my opinion after having to endure all of that.

The only positive thing is that the guy inadvertently showed you his true colours having blatantly used you for sex whilst dating another girl, would you really want to be in a relationship with a person like that.... You shouldn't be feeling guilty OP - he should. What goes around comes around, one day the same thing will happen to him and he will only have himself to blame.

I hope you will feel better soon,

Best Wishes for the future OP

nonsmoker

Thanks Donkey Oaty and Unclecessana for your advice and good wishes

I feel a bit better about things right now after putting up that post, I keep telling myself that I am better of without him now that I know what he's like

Its just so hard because we have to work together and I'm trying to keep cool as I dont want to give him the satisfaction of knowing how hurt I am, it can only get easier