How long were you going out before you said 'I love you'?

LegacyUser

I've been going out with my current boyfriend for 7months, we're both 21. We get on great and I really feel comfortable around him. We both really enjoy spending time together etc all going great so far really. I feel strongly for him not sure if its love or what because I've never been in love before so this is all new for me!!

Just wondering how long you were going out with your OH before telling him/her that you love them?

ShagNastii

This might sound very juvenile. I've been in love once and when I was in the relationship I made sure I didn't say "I love you" until I did actually love the person. They are strong words and shouldn't be said until you mean it. Ya have "I loves ya", "I have a big love for you", "I love being with you". These aren't on the same level as "I love you".

Might sound stupid and maybe a bit weird but I in my head think of the people I love. My folks, my brothers and my dog. When the person overtakes the pet there definitely love there.

"I love you" in my head means, you are a hugely significant person who has a large piece of my heart. A person I'd do anything for. I've been with girls I've liked. I'd always help them and be there for them as any decent person would but the person/people you love you do anything in power to make sure they are OK. You know?


God what a long arsed stupid answer!!!! Sorry hope it might help somewhat.

BKtje

Girlfriend said it to me after 2 months, i reciprocated a few days later. That said we both hinted it to eachother quite a lot, we didn't realise at the time but looking back we laugh about it.

shellyboo

After 3 months in my current relationship... Only other time I've been in love it was about 6 months in I think.

But then, it's different for everyone. I was trying to muster up the courage to say it to my boyfriend for ages and when I did he just said "took you long enough" and said it back :P

I think if you're feeling it and you're comfortable he's on the same page or at least heading there - go for it

amybabes

haha i said it by mistake to a guy id only been with for a couple of weeks (still in the casual stages)

i'd just come out of a long term relationship a couple of months previous to starting to see the new guy, and was saying goodbye to him after being out and was like "love u, bye" and immediately i realised what i'd said........ (out of habit)

luckily he saw the funny side, which made my absolute mortification a little bit easier!

More seriously though, with my current partner - i think it was about 3 months. Saying that, we basically moved in together after a month so i knew from the get go it was pretty serious how i felt about him

Contessa Raven

I said it to my boyfriend a month in . I was drunk, he was drunk. He was going to America for a month a few days later and I said it. He said it back (thank God! The mortification would have been too much.) but then afterwards I was kinda inwardly freaking out. I worried I'd said it too soon and that he'd wake up the following morning and decide America was the place to be and never return!
I think he was also freaking out a bit because neither of us said it again until we'd been together for four months. But we're still going strong! Our 3rd anniversary next month!

Everyone's different though. I have friends who were together the best part of a year before they said it and I have friends who were together a fortnight who said it.

Pyr0

ShanNastii is pretty much spot on in my opinion, that what I was gonna say !

gra26

A week. And he said it to me first. But we're still together over 5 years later so it worked out well.

krudler

Say it when you feel it would be my advice, I felt it for ages with my current girlfriend but didnt say it as I didnt want to just blurt it out, wanted it to be a "moment", then she thought I didnt and started questioning things, I obviously couldnt say it then as I didnt want her thinking I was only telling her what she wanted to hear, so I regret that.

So say it when you feel it

Jennyfer

About 3 weeks, on paper it sounds mad but I knew what I felt and I went with it - still together 12 years later!

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

Memnoch

I don't understand the hang up over the "L" word. We should say it when it feels right. And not feel pressured to say it or not say it.

My own experience. I was 19 when I met my now wife. I told her I loved her in less than a week, she did the same. We are still together 10+ years later and happily married, and I'm still madly in love with her.

Maybe some other girl would have been freaked out by it, but then she probably wouldn't have been the right girl for me.

Ickle Magoo

We skirted around the issue after only a week or so, "love being with you", "love going out with you" kind of thing and then said the big "I love you" a couple of weeks later.

It used to completely freak me out when anyone said it in prior relationships and I'd mumble something along the lines of "Thanks, me too" or whatever but for some reason this time is just felt right and I was glad they loved me as I felt the same way, for once! He's the only man I've ever actually said it to or even said anything like it unprompted.

LegacyUser

A girl I was seeing once said to me and it was really good, hit me like a frieght train.

Unfortunately then I found out she was cheating and that hit me like a freight train in the opposite direction.

So the point is only to use them when you really mean it (you'll know when you really do)


.........and dont mess around on the railway tracks.

LegacyUser

Hey OP there is no set time frame just say it when it feels right.

I also think its absolutely ridiculous that saying I LOVE YOU is seen to be so much more deeper (in terms of showing your OH that you truly care for them) than making love to them. I mean seriously people have no problem giving their OH their body but think that saying 3 words could be moving too fast.

Absolutely shocking, What has the world come to.

Ickle Magoo

peterpan2010 wrote: »

Hey OP there is no set time frame just say it when it feels right.

I also think its absolutely ridiculous that saying I LOVE YOU is seen to be so much more deeper (in terms of showing your OH that you truly care for them) than making love to them. I mean seriously people have no problem giving their OH their body but think that saying 3 words could be moving too fast.

Absolutely shocking, What has the world come to.

Since when did you have to love someone to have sex with them?

LegacyUser

"Since when did you have to love someone to have sex with them?"

Ya thats my point what has the world come to when beliefs like this are so accepted

Greyfox

peterpan2010 wrote: »

"Since when did you have to love someone to have sex with them?"

Ya thats my point what has the world come to when beliefs like this are so accepted

Absolutely nothing wrong with it been so accepted. When someone say's I love you what their saying is they have a deep emotional investment in you and that's absolutely HUGE and a far, far bigger deal then someone feeling horny and wanting to have sex which is a feeling that can come about in a short space of time, unlike love.

Ickle Magoo

peterpan2010 wrote: »

"Since when did you have to love someone to have sex with them?"

Ya thats my point what has the world come to when beliefs like this are so accepted

What has the world come to? People having been having sex with people they didn't love forever - what's your point?!

LegacyUser

Damn everyone needs to calm down. First of all I have nothing against having sex with people you don't love. In fact I think its great.

Im just making the point that if you look at it objectively giving someone your body and making love to them should mean more than this stupid notion people have about saying "I love you".

For example if I say I love TV its normal but if I tell someone Im in love with that I love them its suddenly a big deal even though its obvious that I like them more than I like TV, which iv already said I loved.

Yet if I have sex with a TV Im a freak while if I have sex with someone I dont like its accepted as normal.

Am I making any sense. Does any1 agree with me?

Greyfox

peterpan2010 wrote: »

this stupid notion people have about saying "I love you".

What makes you think it's a stupid notion? People should say the love word when they feel it but the fact is saying "I love you" for the first time is a very very big deal!

Ickle Magoo

peterpan2010 wrote: »

Im just making the point that if you look at it objectively giving someone your body and making love to them should mean more than this stupid notion people have about saying "I love you".

Eh, saying that people "should" be/say/do anything regarding sex is not looking at it objectivly - quite the opposite in fact...

My point was intimacy and love are not the same thing, and intimacy doesn't require love. I've really fancied the pants off a guy & really, really liked them but that's still a world way from being head over heels in love with them.

LegacyUser

Ona related note, Ive been seeing someone for going on 6 months now, and last week while in the throws of passion so as to say she said "i love you"....
Now we had both got a bit of drink on board at the time and as i say it was in bed when she said it..
I dodn't respond, at first i wasn't entirely sure she had said it or had i misheard but im 99% sure she said it.
Now i don't think Im quite there yet and wouldn't say it unless i was sure, but im just interested in others opinions on whether it would be common for someone to say this in the middle of the deed and after a few drinks...
I get the feeling that it may have been on purpose so as not to be a big "moment" and the fact that i didn't respond may mean that she won't mention it again until I do first..

Any opinions would be appreciated

LegacyUser

I think the prob with the too-early "I love you" is that it might have some unexpected implications…

This is just the way I feel about the issue, but that could scare me away if I were seeing someone I was not sure yet that I wanted build a relationship with.

I think it is great to show our feelings, especially when they are good.

But it happened to me to listen to "I love you" after seeing this guy for one week… at first I thought it cute. Then he kept saying it, along with other things, and I realised his feelings were building up much quicker than mine – that was what scared me, because I felt in a way responsible for not hurting him, and pressured to reciprocate, and I didn't want to toy with his feelings.

So as things moved on, and he seemed more and more keen, I thought it would be better to break up – f that makes any sense – but I wasn't sure if I'd ever come to love him back if we had stayed together… and the main problem was that along with the "I love you" came *loads* of demands – all of them justified by "love" - which I really didn't appreciate.

But then again I suppose what bothered me was the restriction to my freedom based on "love", and not the love itself.

Ok, this post made no sense! But that's the prob with "I love you" – it means so many different things, and people have the most strange and unexpected reactions to it!

Kiera

what should I do wrote: »

Ona related note, Ive been seeing someone for going on 6 months now, and last week while in the throws of passion so as to say she said "i love you"....
Now we had both got a bit of drink on board at the time and as i say it was in bed when she said it..
I dodn't respond, at first i wasn't entirely sure she had said it or had i misheard but im 99% sure she said it.
Now i don't think Im quite there yet and wouldn't say it unless i was sure, but im just interested in others opinions on whether it would be common for someone to say this in the middle of the deed and after a few drinks...
I get the feeling that it may have been on purpose so as not to be a big "moment" and the fact that i didn't respond may mean that she won't mention it again until I do first..

Any opinions would be appreciated

I'd say it slipped out by mistake. Its happened to me and i wasnt even thinking along those lines at all. We made a joke of it and all was good, bar the odd slagging "aw you LOVE me"

Abi

what should I do wrote: »

Ona related note, Ive been seeing someone for going on 6 months now, and last week while in the throws of passion so as to say she said "i love you"....
Now we had both got a bit of drink on board at the time and as i say it was in bed when she said it..
I dodn't respond, at first i wasn't entirely sure she had said it or had i misheard but im 99% sure she said it.
Now i don't think Im quite there yet and wouldn't say it unless i was sure, but im just interested in others opinions on whether it would be common for someone to say this in the middle of the deed and after a few drinks...
I get the feeling that it may have been on purpose so as not to be a big "moment" and the fact that i didn't respond may mean that she won't mention it again until I do first..

Any opinions would be appreciated

It does sound like it just slipped out, but it doesn't mean shes not starting to feel this way about you. You said you'd both had some drinks, it probably wasn't the best time to say it because (like in this case) it can cause some confusion.


Theres no right or wrong time to tell someone you love them, it depends entirely on the couple in question. I think its very important to only say it when you are very sure of what you are feeling, playing with someone elses head and heart is unacceptable. Its a big thing to say to someone, and it shouldn't be abused.

I say I love you to my friends and family freely, but thats a different kind of love. I hold back when its a partner till I know where my head is at, and want to mean it. these things can't be rushed.