Girlfriens' Friend

LegacyUser

My girlfriend who I'll call Cara called me frantically crying last night. She's staying in Manchester at the moment with a friend (I'll call her Emer), Emer went to college there, so she knows a few people there.

Anyway, they're staying in an apartment, last night Cara invited around some of her friends. She spent ages trying to get Cara to hook up with this guy (despite knowing full well that she's got a serious boyfriend and no intention to cheat). Anyway, he tried to make a move. Cara said no. Emer and Cara went to bed. Shortly afterwards, this guy came into Caras room and got into bed beside her and put his arm around her, until Cara screamed bloody murder and he left.

Now I was livid when I heard this. I wanted to do all sorts of violent things to that guy, if I weren't hundreds of miles away. But anyway, I calmed down, consoled her. She's shaken but not traumatised. She doesn't want to press charges on the guy, which I suppose is her choice, even If I don't agree with it.

But anyway, what's really getting to me is Emer. When Cara told Emer, her reaction was basically "haha, yeah, he's like that."

I can't fathom, how anyone, especially a girl, could have such a blase attitude about one of their friends basically sexually assaulting anyone else.

And it's not the first thing Emer has done, she's constantly trying to get Cara to drink, even though she gave up drinking a while back. She also cheats on her boyfriend and tries to get Cara to do so too, despite Cara telling her she's not going to. Fortunately I trust Cara enough to know she's not going to cheat, but it does get on my nerves.

Anyway, I've told Cara on a couple of occasions that Emer's obviously not a friend worth having as she doesn't respect her and her decision not to drink or cheat, but Cara's quick to defend her. She was even defending Cara's reaction to what happened last night, last time I spoke to her.

I love Cara. She's an amazing girl, but she's a little shy, and I think Emer takes advantage of that. Cara kind of idolises Emer. They're not best friends, but they go back a long way.

I know that I can't tell Cara who she should and shouldn't be friends with, but I don't think she sees how badly Emer disrespects her. Her apathy at the fact that her friend did this to Cara is the icing on the cake, and in my mind unforgivable. If my own brother did that to a stranger, I'd disown him, and yet this girl is still friends with this guy, who did that to her so called friend.

So I'd like advice. Should I stay out of it, or should I keep trying to persuade her that this is not a good friendship, and if so, how?

vicecreamsundae

i think you should stay out of it.

i can't blame you for having a problem with this emer girl. if i was seeing someone and they had a friend who kept trying to persuade him to cheat on me, i would hate that guy! but you said you trust your girlfriend not to, and that's all that matters.

cara should maybe stand up to emer and tell her to quit pushing her into things she doesnt want to do, but it's her decision and while emer doesn't seem to care too much about cara's decision to be faithful or not drink, she could be a brilliant friend to her in other ways.

i actually think that your girlfriend is in the wrong to be giving you all these negative reports -like if emer is trying to get her to cheat and cara decides not to, fine. but for her to tell you that her close friend is always trying to get her to cheat, and then continuing to hang out with her, that's kind of unfair on you and gives you reason to stress, and sort of seems like she's disregarding your feelings.

if she wants to be friends with emer, that's totally her call. but she shouldnt keep telling you that emer's a bad influence on her and trying to get her to do things. and if i were you i would tell her that, i'd pretty much say "i dont want to hear about emer anymore. you know how i feel about her, and of course you can hang out with whoever you like, but i dont want to hear you complain about her anymore.if you dont like her, dont hang out with her."