impotence, drink, love help

LegacyUser

My partner and I seldomly make love. I try to be affectionate on a daily basis with kisses hugs holding hands touching etc. I receive a pat on the back and a peck on the lips if I'm lucky. We have young children but to be honest it's been like this for a while before we had them. I'm desperately in love and lust and am constantly told by herhow could she be with me if she didn't fancy me and love me. I'm jealous of the affection she gives our babies. The last few months I've begun to drink alot and my partner has joined me. I feel it numbs my sexual feelings towards her and it has, especially physically. We've discussed this at length And fought it in and out and it hadn't been chatted about in a while. But not 10 minutes ago I wnt to the bathroom and felt like I wad holding a piece of leather or heavy cloth. No feeling. I told her I need to get off the drink. I need help and asked if she would go off it with me, why I drink, what just happened a nd that
it numbs the lack of love from her. She feels accused. I've said I wish I hadn't said and now she says I'm not sorry for saying. She's in the barhroom and the baby is asleep.

just got very sick feeling. triple vods and boost all the way, has happened before. made myself sick, feeling soo much better. Rennie and water now. I dont know what to do, have opened up the can of worms againa nd the fact is she does not want to change and feels she is doing nothing wrong and you know she is the mum to 4 babies and it's hard. help.

dudara

It's hard on mothers of babies to be both a mother and a lover - it's natural for a woman to place priority on her children. And with 4 young kids I can imagine that she is exhausted a lot of the time. Sex doesn't probably even cross her mind.

It's tough on a relationship because a man's sex drive doesn't suffer the same decline. Help your wife out with the kids and around the house. Help lessen her burden and maybe organise friends/family/childminder so that you can both have a night out together without the kids.

You've got to work together here to keep the sexual part of your relationship alive - just accept that right now it may not be as frequent as you like.

Additionally, stop drinking. This is only masking the issues - both of you need to face up to them.

Emme

Stop drinking and help with your 4 children. Then your wife might have more time and energy to give you some attention.

LegacyUser

Thank you for the advice. Now I'm sober I believe I have a clear head. My partner and I have decided to steer clear of alcohol in our home for the forseeable. With the odd night out planned we will try and have some sociable ones instead of pints of shorts. There was some cozying up on the sofa this evening while she was on her laptop which we both agreed was nice.

I just like to clarify something though. I'd like to think I do help out with the kids. I know that being a Mammy is THE hardest job in the world and I appreciate everything my partner does for me and my children. I know that she is on Mammy duty 24/7. I help as much as possible, a typical day for me is, I get the kids up, brush their teeth whilst my partner tends to the baby. Then I feed and change the baby and then take the older kids down and feed them their breakfast. Then get them dressed. I would do this 2 - 3 days out of the 5 then on Saturday and Sunday when I'm home from work. I take the eldest to school and go to work. I come home around 6pm and 2 - 3 days (we would alternate) I will cook the dinner (though my partner has always prepared the potatoes etc), Saturday and Sundays I cook dinners or we get the odd takeaway. During the week I will take the elder kids out in the evening 2 days to give my partner some peace and when we get back I will supper them and we will both put them to bed. When my partner goes to bed I will go back to work til the AM 2 nights a week then come home and make the babies bottles most nights. I would do the majority of bottle making each night. I will then feed the baby at around1.30 to 3am each night. I did 90% of the night feeds every 2 hours with all 4 children. They are quite close in age so I now how tough this is on my partner each day being pulled every which way for attention. I have sleep problems so I get 3 - 4 hours sleep max a night...

I hope this is me being a good partner and helping out, my partner she does all the cleaning and washing and does everything for the kids during the day, with no help from our extended families or friends and she doesn't get out much, only with me and the kids at the weekends or the odd evening drive to do the shopping. She does not drive but is planning to learn. We live fairly remotely but our families are close by.

If you can see any other way I can help her PLEASE let me know.

I'm tired to, but I still want lots of contact, hugs kisses hand holding neck stroking ANYTHING would be nice. The drink really has effected my potentcey physically, it's a REALLY scary thing. Have talked to doc and tried a tablet but no luck. He says the same as you guys, cut down on the drinking, which I am doing. I still want my partner all the time but even if we did make love more frequently I feel wrong.

Anyway I will let you know how things pan out. Thanks for listening.