so lonely

LegacyUser

Hi,

I have just moved to the UK with my boyfriend. We've been going out for just over 2 yrs now and have quite a strong relationship.

He has a job which requires him to leave at 8 in the morning and hes rarely home by six. My job on the other hand is a lot closer to where we live and i don't really have hours, more i have work to do and need to get it done on time. when or where i do it is unimportant as long as it gets it done. though i do have an 'office', its more like a desk in a big room of other desks.

the problem is i am so lonely. i like my job, but there im surrounded by older men who i suppose are in a different mindset to me and tend to keep to themselves. they don't really include me at all, i get a hello in the morning and thats it. i hate having lunch by myself so i tend to work from home a lot.

i dont talk to anyone all day. until my boyfriend comes home in the evening and then he likes to play computer games and the like to relax. hes working with a lot of like minded people as him and they have a great time. they go out for drinks after work on a fri, play soccer on saturdays and the odd time they go out en masse for dinner. tonight is one such night, ive been on my own since eight o clock this morning.

my mum and sisters are sick of me ringing them or talking on facebook. i feel a bit sad that i do want to ring them for the sake of speaking out loud. i have no news to tell them im just listening to theirs.

i dont want to infringe on my boyfriends space and his time with his workmates, i dont want to be his 'clingy' girlfriend but its making me miserable keeping quiet.

my friends have spread all over the world at this stage, us, oz etc but they all seemed to slot into life over there seamlessly, no bother.

is it me?

thanks for reading, i feel a bit better just having written it out.

LegacyUser

sounds like your just not settling in there - don't worry, it's not to do with you. I had the same experience. I went to Brussels for six months, and couldn't seem to make any real friends, had little to no social life, and again, nobody to talk to for hours on end....I moved to Spain in January this year and I've just slotted right in. A lot has to do with the culture you're in - maybe it's just not suited to you? I find the Spanish culture suits me better, they're closer to the Irish, like to have fun, and life revolves around friends and family not work.

also the job you're in can make a huge difference - maybe try and change career/company to find a place that you can fit in better, I've gone through a few jobs and really, it's not worth staying somewhere when all you get is hello - after a few months i started to wonder was it something to do with me, but thankfully I was forced to change jobs and found the new company suited me much better.

try take up hobbies in the meantime that involve other people - meet someone for a language swap/hobbie swap, gumtree is a great site for finding someone to practice a sport/hobbie with...lots of ppl join volunteer groups to meet people too.

I know things are tough, and I sense the start of resentment to your partner over being left out, but really, try to take responsibility yourself for finding happiness.....if you can't find it even after trying the suggestions above, maybe you need to move to a new area/country...sometimes if one partner moves and the other is tagging along, it can feel a bit lonely and like you gave up a lot for the other person and got nothing in return....maybe a fresh start for both? but really, I'd try and solve it first rather than go down that route, your partner seems quite happy and has slotted in quite well, I doubt he'll want to move

LegacyUser

a bit sad wrote: »

i dont talk to anyone all day. until my boyfriend comes home in the evening and then he likes to play computer games and the like to relax. hes working with a lot of like minded people as him and they have a great time. they go out for drinks after work on a fri, play soccer on saturdays and the odd time they go out en masse for dinner. tonight is one such night, ive been on my own since eight o clock this morning.

I moved to another country with my boyfriend last year and was unemployed for the first six months so he'd come home from work and I'd be mad to talk cause I was starved of people contact and he'd be tired and want to watch tv or go to bed early. If he had to go for dinner or drinks after work then I'd be home alone watching tv bored off my tree.

It's a whole other country, it's cool that he's settled well but he should at least be inviting you out with them if he can, or organising something so that you can come too. You'll find your footing but for now I think you have the rights to be clingy, moving is hard at the best of times but moving with a partner to be left home alone a lot is no fun at all. I think in the early days the worst part is having free time and knowing you couldn't just call someone to meet you for lunch or drop over to someones house for a chat.

Try and find out what the Irish expat community is like near you, you probably miss home and Irish people and they normally meet up for different sporting events etc. Is probably a lot of other young Irish people around the place who are also in need of friendship.