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Jealous and Insecure

  • 14-04-2010 7:28pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hello everyone,

    I really need some advice here please...
    I've had a string of bad relationships with all sorts of men cheaters, liars, using me for sex...I sure can pick them :(

    I've met someone new and so far so good, he's great or at least he seems it so far, they all do in the beginning. Because of what has happened in the past I'm so insecure and jealous and I'm afraid I'm going to ruin what could be a good thing.

    I push him away completely then get scared and panic and try to make it up to him. I get paranoid that he's only with me for sex and that the stuff he is saying to me is all lies...I'm afraid to trust him. I panic when he goes out in case in sees some other girl and thinks 'oh she's better than what I have', I'm even scared that he's cheating with his female housemate.

    I don't want to be like this but I don't know how to stop. I really like him and if I push him away I'm going to be on my own again but I wouldn't blame him for walking away I blow so hot and cold....

    I'm in tears typing this, I feel so scared and helpless....

    Anyone got any advice? Don't be afraid to be a bit tough with me either :/


Comments

  • #2
    seenitall
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,724 ✭✭✭seenitall


    Find a good therapist/counsellor and start working on your self-esteem issues, pronto. The sooner the better.

    The feelings you are experiencing are not going to go away by themselves, or even if you tell yourself every day to snap out of it or whatever, they are deeply ingrained and you need to be working through them with professional support.

    In the meantime, explain to your bf as best you can why you are acting the way you do, and if he really is a nice guy, he will be understanding and supportive. But please never fall into the trap of thinking that a nice guy will somehow solve your issues of low self esteem and everything is going to be rosy if he just loves you enough. It doesn't work that way and you will end up sabotaging the relationship unless you do the work on your issues.

    All the best.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I'm in a similar situation, except, I'm the guy. My GF is a bit insecure. She has been hurt before, and is very wary. Asking if I've been out. I know she has cried when I haven't responded to her right away, as she thought I was with someone else. (I couldn't reply at the time).

    I love her, more than anything, and the last thing I would is hurt her. And I tell her this all the time, but it doesn't always work. I just want her to trust, but sometimes there is nothing I can say or do.

    I'd say ride it out, if you don't want to throw yourself 100% into it, then don't. Don't push him away for the hell of it though.


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