Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Just 18 and confused!

  • 14-04-2010 3:47pm
    #1
    Confused92
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭


    Hey, this is my first post but I don't think I can supress my feelings any longer. I am recently 18 any have just come to accept the fact that i am gay. I feel that I can't come out to anyone as I don't want to lose the 'one of the lads' dynamic. I think I need to talk to someone I can trust about my problems and concerns. But the problem is I don't have anyone that I can really trust to talk to without spoiling my relationship with them.

    To be honest I don't know what I hoped to achieve by posting this but I think I needed to get it off my chest.

    I apreciate any comments and thoughts.


Comments

  • #2
    Annasopra
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41,158 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    Confused92 wrote: »
    Hey, this is my first post but I don't think I can supress my feelings any longer. I am recently 18 any have just come to accept the fact that i am gay. I feel that I can't come out to anyone as I don't want to lose the 'one of the lads' dynamic. I think I need to talk to someone I can trust about my problems and concerns. But the problem is I don't have anyone that I can really trust to talk to without spoiling my relationship with them.

    To be honest I don't know what I hoped to achieve by posting this but I think I needed to get it off my chest.

    I apreciate any comments and thoughts.

    You still can have that "one of the lads" dynamic - you don't necessarily have to lose it - are you sure that you cannot talk to any of your friends or family?
    There is a list of helplines that you can ring at www.lgbt.ie - also maybe contact www.belongto.org

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



  • #3
    Chuchoter
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,305 ✭✭✭Chuchoter


    I would advise you as Johnnymcg did, go to belongto.

    I get what you're saying about losing that one of the lads feeling though. I'm a lesbian and recently came out to my friends. I'd like to say nothing has changed, and in some ways nothing has changed with most of my friends. We still gossip/talk about boys/fashion so on and so forth. But the girl I'm really close friends with and out to, although she doesn't obviously treat me different, you know the way girls are always hugging and sitting on their friends laps? She won't even sit near me anymore. Its the same with one or two others, and I know they're not really doing it to be spiteful, but it really hurts that they're afraid of me/uncomfortable around me now. However once you get yourself some gay friends you get back that one of the lads thing just with different people, if thats any consolation


  • #4
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    Originally Posted by Crayolastereo:
    But the girl I'm really close friends with and out to, although she doesn't obviously treat me different, you know the way girls are always hugging and sitting on their friends laps? She won't even sit near me anymore. Its the same with one or two others, and I know they're not really doing it to be spiteful, but it really hurts that they're afraid of me/uncomfortable around me now.

    It's interesting, isnt it? I think a lot of the time this boils down to them not wanting to make YOU uncomfortable. At least thats kinda what I figured out with my friends, who slightly did the same thing. I think they thought they were so irresistable that clearly I wouldn't be able to contain myself if one of them sat near me! Soon as I told them I didn't fancy them, and slightly called them on it, it wasn't really a problem anymore...

    Dont know if that helps. I guess the main thing is, their perceptions of you (and in this case the OP too) are their perceptions. And usually it just takes a little time, and maybe some frank conversations to let them know the score now.


  • #5
    GalwayGuy92
    Closed Accounts Posts: 106 ✭✭GalwayGuy92


    Hey OP,
    I was kinda in the same situation for a while, I had to tell somebody so in the end I told close friend who was a girl (just to clarify). I assumed she would act differently but she didn't so I told more people and just recently told the rents, now I dont advise shouting it from the rooftops unless you want to do that of course but even telling one person might help you come to terms with it more. I have decided from my experience that people won't treat you differently if you don't treat yourself any differently! Although I don't tell everyone as I don't think it's everyone's business I just don't lie about it, if someone were to ask me I'd probly say yes.


  • #6
    T Corolla
    Closed Accounts Posts: 611 ✭✭✭T Corolla


    GalwayGuy92 wrote: »
    Hey OP,
    I was kinda in the same situation for a while, I had to tell somebody so in the end I told close friend who was a girl (just to clarify). I assumed she would act differently but she didn't so I told more people and just recently told the rents, now I dont advise shouting it from the rooftops unless you want to do that of course but even telling one person might help you come to terms with it more. I have decided from my experience that people won't treat you differently if you don't treat yourself any differently! Although I don't tell everyone as I don't think it's everyone's business I just don't lie about it, if someone were to ask me I'd probly say yes.
    Fair play to you this was a very adult way to come out and I hope people see this and get to know you all the very best


  • Advertisement
  • #7
    L.Jenkins
    Moderators, Computer Games Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 19,242 Mod ✭✭✭✭L.Jenkins


    I know how you feel. You want to come out, but don't want to change or people to change around you. Essentially you are the same person you were 5 years ago and hopefully your friends will be good about it and realise the same thing.

    Have you checked out OutHouse in Dublin to have someone to talk to about it or even some local services?


Advertisement