BF doesn't want sex.. Help?

LegacyUser

hi, i'm at a bit of a loss, been with BF 2 years, both 28 not living together but stay together around 4 times a week.
ok so we were going to bed last night, BF is a truck driver and once or twice a month he drives to England for a week at a time. now he's going to england today, as we were getting into bed he says "we have to say goodbye properly " (as i wont see him for a week)
then we start kissing etc, some clothes come off and then he says "Right, i'm going to sleep, early start tomorrow"... he turns over and is snoring within 5 minutes.
i don't get it! this is about the 5th time it's happened in the last 3 weeks. The strange thing was the kissing was slightly awkward, like we were just kissing for the 1st time and didn't know what to do! we usually have a good sex life but now i'm starting to feel like he just doesn't fancy me anymore. I don't expect sex every night we're together but why say something like he did and then just stop half way thru!
My self esteem wouldn't be the best on a normal day and this is not helping!
i haven't said anything to him, don't really know how to put it!
anybody any ideas on how to approach this? I'd like mens opinions as well please. thanks

LegacyUser

Hi Op. I understand your frustration at whats happening. I was going out with a girl before and did something quite similar to her a few times. She never got it either and I probably should've told her but shame stopped me from doing so. My reason was because I couldn't get it up. I went through a period of time were due to worries, pressure etc I wasn't able to perform. I felt uncomfortable and so this would have been obvious in kissing and foreplay too. I'm not saying thats his problem but that's what it was for me.

kjl

hmmm, its interesting, One of my friends tell me that her boyfriend hasn't touched her in over 10 months, if this in only the 5th time this has happened then I would chalk it up to him being tired or something.

LegacyUser

Well if it is that then i wish he would just talk to me about it, i love him regardless. i actually got really mad (childish i know), i was just highly insulted that he'd initiate sex with me and then decide "no, i'm not going to bother"
I didn't want to go down the suspicious route with him but he's been getting texts and hiding his phone a lot. I've noticed even if he's going to the loo he'll bring his phone with him, as if he's terrified i'll check it or something. (which i wouldn't by the way, never have done)
i just don't know how to bring it up with him, it's eating away at me. i didn't sleep for about 2 hours after he just turned over last night and went to sleep, like nothing was wrong.
Did your ex ever mention it to you?

Ickle Magoo

Could be a billion and one things, the only person who can tell you for sure is your bf - why don't you tell him what you're thinking next time you see him?

dublingal80

if he brings his phone into the toilet just say "who is so important that you need your phone while your peeing" and just laugh!! cos it is pretty disgusting:o

try and get things started again the next time he is over and if he turns away to sleep id just be upfront and ask him if everything is ok. best to talk about these things

up for anything

Sounds very much to me like he is cheating on you. Find yourself someone who appreciates you.

Cullen82

Sorry to bear any bad news but my own honest opinion from what you say it sounds as though he's just not in the relationship like he used to be.....maybe its time to move on but at least talk to him about it first.

S23

The hiding the phone thing sounds well ropey. Fairly classic textbook cheater stuff if they are banging someone else is to stop having sex with their partner and struggle to be as intimate as before. You said it was awkward so that ticks that box.

However, he has a hard high stress job. And while I don't know how likely it is the issue of ED could be something. Elevated stress or even something like weight gain can effect this.

If it is ED I can only imagine it would be mortifying. And while I've no doubt you love and care for him it would still be an incredibly difficult thing to talk about for a man.

As is the best case with many threads on this board the best course of action when the waters are muddy is just to speak to him about it

LegacyUser

Hi again Op. Actually yes my ex did mention it to me and I'm ashamed to say I didn't own up to what was going on. I just said I wasn't in the mood etc. The majority of us guys don't want to admit that theres an issue regarding sex. I know personally it made me feel like I was letting her down as a man. On the other hand I can see how she would have thought that I wasn't as attracted to her and in hindsight I should have been more sensitive to her feelings. I often initiated sex by the way and then about half way through wouldn't be able to go through with it and would stop. Again, I'm really regretful now and I know I sound like a pig. In relation to the texts though you definitely should ask him about this. Its not necessarily sinister perhaps he's planning a surprise for you. Birthday etc. coming up? Nice gesture even?