friend or not

LegacyUser

my boyfriend has come to meet me smelling of perfume (that isn't mine) a couple of times now. when i ask him how his day has been he just brushes me off with some comment about work being tough and not really wanting to talk about it. ive since found out that one of the days he met a female friend for lunch, but again never told me. i dont feel he has to tell me but it bothers me that he doesnt want to ever tell me anything about his day. obviously im also bothered by him leaving a lunch with a friend and leaving that smelling of perfume and am wondering if something else is going on here especially as he wasnt telling me about meeting his friend.

i know if i met a guy and didnt tell him he would find it weird.

any opinions?

MagicSean

What does he work as?

LegacyUser

confused?

in an office

reprazant

If it was a make friend that he went out for lunch with and didn't tell you, would you care?

Or is it the fact that the friend is female?

I only ask because I sometimes don't tell my girlfriend things like that, not because I am being secret but because it is something which I thought was not important and forgot about. She felt otherwise.

But if it had been a male friend I had met, I seriously doubt she would have cared less that I hadn't told her.

Would it be the same with you?

Edit: I didn't smell of perfume though. Thats a bit weird.

How do you end up smelling of someones perfume, just by talking to them?

LegacyUser

its more a combination of the perfume smell / meeting a woman / not telling me about it.

if hed met a man then the perfume problem still exists.

i asked him how was his day and he gave me the ususal same old, dont want to discuss it response. i noticed he smelled of perfume and left it. i asked him the next day why he was smelling of perfume and he said he didnt know and moved the conversation on. then a different night we were having a minor argument about something and i said it to him again that unless he was trying on ladys perfume or something why would he smell like that. i cornered him on it and then he said hed met a female friend for lunch. i asked why wouldnt he have said if it was innocent and he just said i dont know i didnt think of it and conversation was ended again.

not wanting to discuss his day with me is one thing but when i asked him about the female perfume smell he just dismissed me and only said he had met a friend when i insisted on an answer which im not really comfortable about having to do

cherryred

its pretty hard to end up smelling of perfume at the end of the day after meeting someone for lunch(even a hug would't do this)

do you know the friend he went to meet?

slowmoe

smelling of perfume and not telling you he was meeting a female 'friend'??? DUMP HIM

Barracudaincork

I work with both sexes, closely in an open plan office, i often meet friends at lunch or after work for drinks of both sexes but i have yet to come home smelling like someone else and i have yet to have a partner come home smelling like someone else after work or lunch, i find it bizarre how the perfume scent would end up on him after just lunch!

Is his skin very purous or something, does he smell of garlic after walking past an italian restaurant, does he smell like babies after visiting family or friends who have them, does he smell of the sea after a day at the beach?

Apart from the obvious reason he would smell different, the only other reason i can think of is that he has changed his washing powder and picked up a girlie scented one as it was on special offer etc

Redpunto

My OH would never end up smelling of my perfume so I really dont understand how on earth he could end up smelling like that unless hes trying on the stuff himself. I know my fella meets up sometimes with female friends for lunch and he mighnt tell me but if i casually asked what he had/where he went for lunch he'd tell me.

davmol

If hes smelling of perfume he could have simply given her a good bye hug,i do it with my GF's.The fact that hes so secretive and annoyed when you press him on it is strange.
Somethings up and id demand he tell you

LegacyUser

i have asked hi to tell me whats happening and he just says he doesn't know, no idea of how he ended up with perfume. Said he may have kissed his friend on the cheek but thats it and asked me to trust him. I want to trust him but this seems so odd

theg81der

Blatantly cheating and doesn`t give a crap if you know. Leave while you`ve got your dignity.

Dark Phoenix

If he meets a female friend for lunch fair enough but the issue for me would be that he is hiding it from you - why? he 'doesnt know' how he ends up smelling of perfume and just dismisses you? I mean come on it has happened more than once so for him to 'not know' how it has happened its just a ridiculous excuse.
If you came home smelling of aftershave, admitted you met a male friend for lunch and choose not to tell him and that you dont know why you smell of aftershave would he think this was fine?

I would sit down and have a very frank talk with him as if he will not talk to you about his day and just dismisses you when you ask him anything the relationship is not great

mood

His 'friend' will probably just stop wearing perfume when they meet so you don't ask questions any more. Your OH shouldn't be hiding things from you like where he goes or who he meets. How can he expect you to trust him when he does this?

Cuddlesworth

Crossdresser?

LegacyUser

he comes across like he does care but just can't explain it. we've talked about it and i've gotten quite heated because i can't understand how he wouldn't know how he got perfume on himself. i suppose it doesn't help that this friends sister was very rude to me before, although i got the impression she is just a rude person


so at a standstill with it, he said he doesn't know and can't offer me any explanation

mood

unreggy wrote: »

he comes across like he does care but just can't explain it. we've talked about it and i've gotten quite heated because i can't understand how he wouldn't know how he got perfume on himself. i suppose it doesn't help that this friends sister was very rude to me before, although i got the impression she is just a rude person


so at a standstill with it, he said he doesn't know and can't offer me any explanation

But why is he not telling you who he is meeting etc?

mobilecore

Op, its a very tricky situation.
Lets just say for instance he is up to something with another woman...as the perfume would suggest. Chances are you'd never find out the full story what was going on. People rarely tell the truth when confronted with something. Its usually either (A,) gets fully lied about/covered, or (B,) half truths get told.

If your gut instinct is telling you something right now. Follow it and try to find more. Worst case scenario (and also most likely if he is doing something) that you two will break up and it will be "your fault", being "paranoid and not trusting" while in reality he was probably cheating. So in situations, especially like this one, its best to get the facts. Whats really going on. The perfume isnt just getting there by itself.

Perfume on someones clothes is alot like "lipstick on the collor" isnt it.

dublingal80

i may be completely niave but when im putting on perfume, i squirt a lot on me... and if he is working in an office, he could be working with numerous girls that do that too. he may not have realised that a girl was putting on loads of perfume near him and for him to contract it... it could be completely innocent, either that, or unfortunately there is something more to it. but thats the 1st thought that came to my head

muppetkiller

There's a lady here at work and she stinks of perfume everyday ..I mean I'd say she goes through a bottle a week lol. I sit near her and I can smell it always...even when I get home. So maybe he sits beside someone like that ?

Still though it sounds a bit suss the way he's so secretive about it..

John Mason

may be he works with someone who sprays half a bottle of perfume every 30 mins.

i worked with someone like this and it ended up with HR, everyone was choking and going home stinking of perfume