moving out young any advice

LegacyUser

Hi im sixteen years old and come from a very abusive family, my father tries to break my spirit daily, my mother let him and my brother got away scot free and defends my fathers behavior. I am in the process of cutting them out of my life completely, which to tell the truth still isnt enough for all the pain they have caused me, my abuser can sleep at night i cannot.

anyway basically i should be eligable for rent allowance but it could take a few months, i am on social welfare and am trying to move out as soon as possible and get the rent alowance, has anyone who had ever had to make a completely fresh start got any advice for me, ill be away from friends ect livng on a shoe string budget.

Victor

Do you have any external support - a social worker or the like?

LegacyUser

Victor wrote: »

Do you have any external support - a social worker or the like?

yes i went to the communtiy welfare officer who was very good, she told me that i would usually have a social worker as a patron to speed up the process but there are none available for a while.

niceoneted

Also what about extended family aunts/uncles/ older cousins. Even if you have to have a sit down with them explain why your doing what your doing and see will they help out.
Gosh it sounds a terrible situation your in and I admire you for standing up for yourself and aiming higher for you. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

niceoneted wrote: »

Also what about extended family aunts/uncles/ older cousins. Even if you have to have a sit down with them explain why your doing what your doing and see will they help out.
Gosh it sounds a terrible situation your in and I admire you for standing up for yourself and aiming higher for you. Best of luck.

they wouldnt want to get involved, the abuse is very much secret im just going to try my best anyway, i have the odd friend i can tell but its hard for them to relate in fairness

Bluebell35

Hi i'm sorry your in such an awful situation, I was in a similar situation at your age and thought I was old enough to handle it but the truth is your a child that needs help. Do you have a relative or close friend that you can confide in that will help you. I know you may not want to go to social workers or crisis agencies because of the can of worms that might open up, I know that is how I felt at the time but if there is any adult that you trust in your life go to them. You could contact crisis agencies anonymously also and not give your real name and see what help they can give you.

Above all else remember that the abuse you suffered is not your fault in any way, that all of the blame lays at hands of those that abused you and those that didn't protect you from that abuse. Please PM me if you need to talk and I will help any way at all that I can.

tenchi-fan

advice seeking wrote: »

Hi im sixteen years old and come from a very abusive family, my father tries to break my spirit daily, my mother let him and my brother got away scot free and defends my fathers behavior. I am in the process of cutting them out of my life completely, which to tell the truth still isnt enough for all the pain they have caused me, my abuser can sleep at night i cannot.

anyway basically i should be eligable for rent allowance but it could take a few months, i am on social welfare and am trying to move out as soon as possible and get the rent alowance, has anyone who had ever had to make a completely fresh start got any advice for me, ill be away from friends ect livng on a shoe string budget.

Hi - speaking as an adult here, i know things will be much harder in your situation given you don't have an income.

I tried cutting everyone out of my life before and it didn't work out too well. away from friends and family you're left with nothing only a lot of bad memories.

But getting away from a father like that is a brilliant move. You should look into living with another friend or family member.

fatmammycat

OP I left home at 16 and even with and iron will it was incredibly difficult to support myself financially and even to get accomodation was a nightmare as hardly anyone wanted to rent to a 16 year old. I held down four jobs at one stage AND went to school. I would not recommend it.
At 16 you are hopefully still at school and a bit a way from doing your LC. If at all possible try stick it out for a year or two until you are old enough to apply for proper financial help, or talk to a relative, don't be afraid to ask for help. I know it must seem very hard at the moment, but a roof over your head, food and heat are not to be sniffed at in the world. I've gone without all three in my youth and it is a miserable existence.
There are plenty of bad people out there waiting for frightened 16 year olds who feel they have no one to turn to, plenty of sharks. I don't know you at all or your charactor, but I have nothing but sympathy for you. Talk to your social worker again, see if even they can provide sheltered accomodation before you leave, don't go with nothing arranged.

sambuka41

I am very concerned for you at the moment, this is a scary situation to be in. I am by no means an expert but do know a little about the Crisis Intervention system, if your feel your home is not safe for you to live in you can refer into a Garda Station tell them and they will put you in contact wit the Out of Hours social workers. This will bring your case to the attention of the area social workers.

There are many roads this may take you but you need the help of professionals here(if you say family isnt an option then social workers are the next best thing) As far as I am aware if you are not in the care of the state for 1 year before your 18 birthday you wont receive the full social welfare payment. To be honest I am a little confused as to how your are eligible for rent allwancce at 16,as you cant legally enter into a contract (ie lease)? Maybe i have misinterpreted that??

LegacyUser

thanks for the advice everyone, i have to get away from my family my father is breaking my spirit daily, but i have friends none that i can really stay with but i will be in contact with them, i do intend to do the leaving cert, im being helped by my communtiy welfare officer in the absense of a social worker at the moment.

if i stayed with family my father would fnd out and turn up at their door im sure of it, the family think hes a nice man (not my imediate family but they didnt protect me) it makes it difficult that people dont see the monster i see. i can cut out family because in affect i never had one to begin with, even with friends i couldnt connect with them because no one could see what i was going through.

the good news is that counsoling has been aranged for this week

up for anything

If you feel you cannot put up with it any longer contact your local women's refuge. I don't know if you are too young for them to take in but they will have the best advice available with regard to your situation as that is their 'business'. They have all the contacts and what they don't know they will find out out on your behalf. The staff in them are fantastic, understanding and non-judgemental. I know this from experience and have no hesitation in advising anyone in distress from abuse of any kind to contact them.

Bluebell35

up for anything wrote: »

If you feel you cannot put up with it any longer contact your local women's refuge. I don't know if you are too young for them to take in but they will have the best advice available with regard to your situation as that is their 'business'. They have all the contacts and what they don't know they will find out out on your behalf. The staff in them are fantastic, understanding and non-judgemental. I know this from experience and have no hesitation in advising anyone in distress from abuse of any kind to contact them.

I agree and they will also protect you from any unwanted visitors, I also have been in a refuge and while it wasn't the ritz the staff were brilliant and theres no shame because everybody in there is in the same boat. Well done for getting the councelling sorted, for such a young person you have a good head on your shoulders. Keep us posted on your progress or if you just want to vent. ((hugs))