Falling for friend

LegacyUser

I am male and have been best friends with a girl for a few years. She is beautiful, smart, funny and everything I want. Some of our friends think there is something going on, there isn't, but of late I've started to fall for her. I'm not sure if she feels the same, I'd doubt she does, but I don't know what to do. If I tell her I rish ruining a friendship or gaining a relationship, but if it doesn't work out things could get awkward between us. We are both single at the moment by the way. I'd just like some advice or opinions on this please.

miss5

I think the best thing you can do is tell your friend how you feel but
assure her you don't want to damage your friendship. She may feel the same
but prepare yourself for the possibility she wont. Good Luck!

tenchi-fan

I think if she liked you you'd know it for certain. Girls can be pretty pushy when it comes to romance so the fact she hasn't at least hinted means you might be reading too much into it. You could always "confide" in one of her friends, knowing it would get back to her.

token56

I'd say if there is a chance she does like you then go for it, if she doesn't like you then it doesn't have to be the end of you being friends with her either. As long as you can accept her decision if she says no and can act maturely then there is no reason you two cant still be friends, of course she also has to be mature about this. But in these situations I always think you should be positive, one can't succeed if they don't try.

dixiefly

I assume that she is single at the moment as are you.

I think you should approach her in a mature way as mentioned above.

After all you certainly want to avoid an"Why Didnt you tell me" on the eve of a wedding!

LegacyUser

I'd be suprised if she has no idea at all about your feelings. I think people kind of know when someone is into them. I think you should maybe ask yourself what you want to have with her and when you know for sure, talk to her about it. If your feelings for her are real then make that and what you want clear to her. I really do believe love starts in friendship

She might not really know how to repond at first so you might need to give her time to think. It can be hard to know what to say in these situations even if you guys both have feelings for each other because theres so much at stake.

Oh and maybe dont do it when your drunk, because she might be confused whether it you you and the alcohol talking! In those cases it can be almost impossible for her to know if you want to forget it and move or if you were serious!

blaz

OP, just forget it. You are in the friend zone. Once you are there, you can never get out of it. If there ever was a chance of you being anything more then friends then it would have happened a long time ago.

Piste

^^^ Completely not true.

tbh

If I were you, I'd adress it like this. I'd wait till you were alone together, having lunch and say something like

"listen, you know I really like hanging out with you and everything, but lately I've been feeling a bit more than that. I know you probably don't the same way so I think I just need to see a bit less of you - just for a little bit - until I get my head sorted out. It's no big deal, but I didn't want you to worry that you'd done something wrong or anything."

the crucial thing is to treat it like it's not a big deal. If she likes you, she'll tell you. If she doesn't, she'll appreciate the fact that you're sorting it out without putting her under any pressure.

tweety_bird

I'm going throught the exact same at the moment wit a male friend of mine. From talking to other friends they suggest to just go for it, but in a friendly subtle kinda way. Just say that you are starting to form feelings for her and if she feels thesame ye could start something and if not then that is fine too.

Believe me, as a girl we can just be oblivious to any signs.

ddef

tweety_bird wrote: »

I'm going throught the exact same at the moment wit a male friend of mine. From talking to other friends they suggest to just go for it, but in a friendly subtle kinda way. Just say that you are starting to form feelings for her and if she feels thesame ye could start something and if not then that is fine too.

Believe me, as a girl we can just be oblivious to any signs.

How funny would it be if you were the girl the OP was on about.

tweety_bird

ddef wrote: »

How funny would it be if you were the girl the OP was on about.

yeah it would!! would make things alot easier knowing he feels the same way!

_sparkie_

well there is only one way to find out if you are both posting in the same thread. good luck you two.

k1ll1ngt0n

token56 wrote: »

I'd say if there is a chance she does like you then go for it, if she doesn't like you then it doesn't have to be the end of you being friends with her either. As long as you can accept her decision if she says no and can act maturely then there is no reason you two cant still be friends, of course she also has to be mature about this. But in these situations I always think you should be positive, one can't succeed if they don't try.

This is a nice thread, so I have to contribute a thought.

OP, before long, if you are truly falling in love with this woman, you will have to make the hellish decision as to what is more important to you.

Do you want her as a friend or as your wife/SO?

Its a horrible decision because you have to put your friendship on the line to find out.

From personal experience, once you express your feelings to her, your friendship will change forever. It won't be gone, but it will be different.

A) She will feel the same way - You are a lucky bastard that should have a Hollywood movie written about your life

She won't feel the same way

This is where it gets complicated. You will still be friends, but she will be nervous when you are together, since she doesn't want to send any wrong signals. She will still be that wonderful girl that you love, but will feel sick inside knowing and watching her fall in love with another.

Its can be a very sad, painful process.

I told my friend how I felt and the outcome was B. But I don't regret telling her, when it meant the possibility of A.

I wish all the A results in the world for you.

G-Money

I'm going to ask a bit of an awkward/annoying question so sorry in advance.

When you say you don't want to risk the friendship, take a step back and think about what you actually mean.

A friendship is just that, friends, nothing more. Are you worried about losing her friendship and that only? Or are you worried you will risk the possibility of her liking you as more than a friend if you just hang on a bit longer? I think it's very easy for people to say stuff like "I don't want to lose them as a friend" and I often think it means "I don't want to lose the possibility of ending up with them".

I've been landed in the friendzone before and it's a life sentence usually. Girls can get out of the friendzone, but when a guy is put into it, it's game over.

In my experience it's better to let a girl know you like her before you get landed in the friends zone. It doesn't necessarily mean she will like you, but at least if you know sooner rather than later, you can decide whether you want to stay in touch. Personally, if I fancy a girl, I'm not remotely interested in being her friend. If I can't date her etc, I don't want anything. Don't get me wrong, I'll be polite and civil and friendly, but I won't make any effort and I'll be nothing more than an acquaintance or someone she knows.

I'm sure some people might label that harsh, but it's not. It's just that they are maybe used to that trick working for them and they don't like to see that people don't fall for it.

So think about what you actually want with this girl and what will happen if you tell her and she doesn't feel the same way.

Good luck OP.