Girlfriend doesn't want to use the pill

LegacyUser

Hi, I would just like some advise about alternatives to the pill for safe sex. My girlfriend and I recently started having sex (using condoms) but she doesn't want to go on the pill or take any hormonal contraceptives because she does not want to experience the side effects.

We've been to a planning clinic, bought pills, but she has decided against using them. Ideally I'd prefer it if she took the pill, but it's her body, her call, and I don't want to pressurise her.

I'm not annoyed or anything about her decision, but I'd just like to know how we can better protect against pregnancy, as condoms alone are far from ideal.

ApeXaviour

It's unfortunate a male pill isn't available yet, since it means that the only (really safe prophylactic) alternatives to condoms are to mess with the woman's reproductive system.

If it's a concern for you then talk with your girlfriend about alternate methods such as an IUD, implant, injection, patch or vaginal ring. Apart from the first one the rest are hormonal to varying degrees. There are a good few varieties of the pill too. Best you can do is be supportive, encouraging and lay out the options. The more informed she is, and less pressurised, the better. The pill can also have a lot of positive side effects too: it regulates periods, can relieve cramping and reduce acne, reduces risks of some cancers, as well as ovarian cysts and anaemia. If it's the case, say to her (in a non-whiny way) that you're not a big fan of condoms, they detract from the enjoyment of the experience with her etc.

Seraphina

Hi

I was the same as your gf, but i tried the pill for a while and didn't like the side effects so i came off it. My friends had tried various hormonal types and had all had unpleasant side effects, so i decided i wanted to stay away from hormones.

Tell your gf to go to her doctor and ask about getting an IUD fitted. Its sometimes called a coil too. http://www.fpa.org.uk/Information/Readourinformationbooklets/IUD

I personally found my periods got slightly longer and heavier, but i had very short ones to begin with. your gf should discuss her cycle with the doctor and decide whether or not it might be suitable. i got mine fitted for free at the doctor, but i live in england, i'm unsure what the cost would be in ireland for this type of contraception.

i have a type which can remain in place for 10 years, and its not affected by other medication like some pills, and i can't forget to take it! i think its brilliant myself, don't know why i didn't get one sooner, but it really depends on your gf, she should talk to a doctor.

miec

Hi Op

I would concur with Seraphina about the coil, it is brilliant and doesn't mess with your body. You do have to pay for it in Ireland but it's not that expensive, the only downside I think is that you are supposed to have had a child because the cervix is wider or looser so it is easier to insert but I don't know if that is a hard and fast rule.

vicecreamsundae

i thought the main reason they used to only give it to women who had already given birth was because they were afraid it was related to infertility? but that was back in the 70s, and all major reports since have indicated no link.

i hear how you feel OP, i'm currently on the pill and insist on using condoms too [and if a guy has a problem with that, i wont sleep with him], but knowing im on the pill is so valuable to my peace of mind -one form of birth control is just not enough in my opinion, and by being on the pill AND using condoms, i feel completely in control of my reproductive system. [well, as much as i can be].

And i've never really put myself in a guy's position in that regard before, but it sucks you can't have that same control I have. Obviously you can't force or pressure your girlfriend into using hormonal birth control or getting an IUD, but definitely let her know your concerns and why it's so important to you. Mention the fail rates of condoms etc. After all, if she does become pregnant, you also don't get to decide what happens, and if she has a baby you could be paying for 18 years.

If she's adamant, and you're really worried, how about using the rhythm method along with condoms? or withdrawal? might sound a a bit hardcore, but depending on how concerned you are, it might put your mind at ease a bit.

what changed her mind about taking the pills after she bought them, by the way? has she had negative experiences with the pill before your relationship?

Darthhoob

i can't take anything hormonal due to easy weight gain (gained 3 stone in under 2 months with the implant :eek:) and high risk of blood clots, heart attack or a stroke...nice...all for the sake of sex LOL.

so i've opted for the coil, lasts 5-10 years, hormone free and one of the most effective contraceptives out there. took me a while for me to come round to the idea of having one put in though...

i'm in england so dont know the rules in ireland....but in england anyone (unless medical reasons) can have the coil...just more painful and fiddly to put in for women who've not had a baby before....take painkillers before it's fitted lol! (her not you :P)

not had mine put in yet, as not long had a baby (my last...hopefully! lol!). it ws either the Coil or getting my OH done ...which he did volunteer to do but it's too final..we may want another baby...just not for a few years!!

Ickle Magoo

miec wrote: »

Hi Op

I would concur with Seraphina about the coil, it is brilliant and doesn't mess with your body. You do have to pay for it in Ireland but it's not that expensive, the only downside I think is that you are supposed to have had a child because the cervix is wider or looser so it is easier to insert but I don't know if that is a hard and fast rule.

I concur...and no, it's not a hard and fast rule. It's easier to insert into a cervix that has been stretched by child birth but I've never given birth vaginally & I got an IUD. It's pretty sore and crampy but certainly do-able.

LegacyUser

Hi Vicecreamsunday,

We've been going out for eight months but only had sex for the first time last week. My girlfriend is in her early 20s, I'm in my late 20s. I'm her first boyfriend and in fact she'd never even been kissed by anyone before me and had no sexual experience at all (which I find incredible as she is absolutely gorgeous to my eyes ).

It's a bit of a long story but basically at the very start we were just friends for about 3 months, then we both recognised that we fancied each other and we started going out as a couple after a few weeks of uncertainty about a relationship. It worked very well at an emotional level but she was holding back quite a bit on the physical aspects of the relationship, except for kissing and cuddling. But gradually she allowed me to do more and more to her, to the point where I would regularly go down on her. She didn't want to have sex or to have anything to do with the little man down below, because she said it freaked her out. I was disappointed and we nearly broke up once over it (after going out for two months), but I decided that everything else in the relationship was brilliant, and I was getting to go down on her (which I love), so I said I'd stick with it, deciding that sex isn't the be all and end all. Other things count, too.

Nevertheless, we decided to buy a dildo and it really hurt her putting it in, and she bled quite a bit, for up to two weeks after the first attempt to put it in, and it continued to hurt her so much that we stopped using it and I said we should go to a GP just to see that she was okay down there, which we did. The GP said it was mild vaginismus, and that patience and understanding should work. I took the opportunity to buy the pill, even though my girlfriend said she would never have sex. But we had a prescription, they were cheap so I bought them with the understanding that there was no pressure for sex and that I wouldn't mention them again. That was all last November. Little changed during December and January but I moved away for 5 months in February and we successfully maintained really good contact over the 2 months I was away before I cam back to visit her last week, when, quite unexpectedly she said she thought she'd like to have sex. I was surprised and delighted and now everything's brilliant. But she doesn't want to take the pill, hence this thread.

I have to say though to other lads out there, that if you are with a really great girl who appears frightened or intimidated by sex at the start, don't rush her. Seven months might seem a long time to wait in this day and age, but if the girl is really special and you get along brilliantly in all other areas of the relationship, hang in there. It's worth it in the end, believe me!

dudara

Having read your last post, I don't think this is about the pill - this is still about the fact that she appears to have some mental difficulties about sex. It is then manifesting itself as a refusal to take the pill.

You said that you've just slept together for the first time. How did that go? (if you don't mind me asking). How did your girlfriend feel about it?

LegacyUser

Well, it went very well. Afterwards she wanted to do it again and again and again and she wanted to try different positions. I think you might be right about her rejection of the pill; she still has a few hang ups but they are declining and I think since I've been with her I've seen a pattern where time and trust just sorts it all out. However, in the interim I still need to know about ways of making sex safer, so thanks to all who've posted responces and comments here.

LegacyUser

traduced wrote: »

Hi, I would just like some advise about alternatives to the pill for safe sex. My girlfriend and I recently started having sex (using condoms) but she doesn't want to go on the pill or take any hormonal contraceptives because she does not want to experience the side effects.

We've been to a planning clinic, bought pills, but she has decided against using them. Ideally I'd prefer it if she took the pill, but it's her body, her call, and I don't want to pressurise her.

I'm not annoyed or anything about her decision, but I'd just like to know how we can better protect against pregnancy, as condoms alone are far from ideal.

i think that progesterone only contraceptives esp if she smokes and there is family hx of cancer. so there is the injection every 12weeks, then there is the implant into your arm which lasts 3years. side effects are very little esp with prog only... no strokes or clots.


patch is no good so don't use it unless ye want a baba.