work fling

LegacyUser

I know I'm going to agree with all the advice saying that I'm well rid but I'm kinda looking to vent because I can't tell anyone as nearly all my friends know the guy involved. See most of my friends are work colleagues as we're a pretty close knit bunch, most of us are foreign so we kinda just bonded together.

There's one guy at work who was always a bit more aloof, let's call him "Tom". Didn't socialise with us as much. And as it happens we ended up kissing at the christmas party last year. we were out the latest as the two of us are probably the biggest alcos of the lot of us. We were out till 5.30 kissing. None of the others know. The elephant in the closet is that he told me about his girlfriend.... otherwise we probably would have gone home together.

After Christmas, we were back at work, it was all fine, not really that wierd as we just kinda pretended it had never happened.

Until.... last weekend.

He facebooked me out of the blue and asked me to come for a drink. I was a little busy so I couldn't go straight away, but he rang me and (to my shame) eventually managed to convince me. We went drinking. I rang my best friend to come, which she did. Eventually Tom and I started kissing again. My friend (who is usually full of good advice) thought this was great. She thinks he is the soundest guy ever. She told me she's convinced he's mad about me. We both bought into his story about being unhappy in his longterm relationship. She has a lot of very dodgey photos of Tom and I on her camera phone.

At about 1am my friend and I left to go to my house and he went home. We were nearly at my house when Tom rang to say he had forgotten his keys and his girlf was either not there or not letting him in. I told him, I wasn't going to insist on him coming to me but I didn't want him to sleep on the streets either and he could come to me. He came over and we stayed up drinking until 7am-ish, lots of kissing, a little bit of fooling around etc. We went to bed together in the end but didn't have sex. He didn't want to really cheat on his girlfriend. Although he did ask if he could move in when he broke up and if i wanted to find someplace else together...

Next day we got up and started drinking again, it went on all day and he stayed again the following night (again no sex). My housemate came home and met him and had the exact same opinion as my friend. After spending 48 hours with me he went home on the second morning as we were both working that evening. I should mention that he had his phone turned off the entire time so his girlf couldn't contact him.

We've seen each other at work obviously since but I didn't want to be too direct or forward and we haven't been alone together where we could talk.

Anyways....his facebook status now says that he's begging his girlfriend to forgive him.

I feel like such a fool, I thought by dissappearing for 48 hours to another girls house it would be over, he was going on and on about moving in with me and the problems he's had with his girlf.

I know, I know.... he had a girlf and I should have left well alone ( I normally would), if he did it to her he'd do it to me and I'm well rid etc. but feck it, I'm selfish, and I feel let down.

My last boyf cheated on me a lot and it's like my confidence is being destroyed by these feckers.

Sorry for the big long self-pitying essay, but like I said, there isn't anyone I can talk to and writing this is like therepy.

blairbear

God, OP, that's a bit of a mess.. I certainly won't be pulling out the moral judgement card on you, as you know full well that messing round with someone who has a girlfriend is hardly ideal.

This guy sounds like one of the most immature, irresponsible eejits ever. It's VERY easy to be "the soundest guy ever" if you're randomly out drinking for a couple of days and reality has been suspended. He clearly isn't. Look at the type of guy who's making you feel bad. He cheats on his girlfriend in a very premeditated fashion by asking you out via facebook. He was probably in the middle of a row with her over something else and wanted out of the house for a few hours. He knew you'd be receptive and would be sympathetic to his tales of relationship woes. Then he turned off his phone for 48 hours while his poor girlfriend was in bits, I'd say, with worry and stress over where on earth he was. What an inconsiderate, nasty piece of work. I'd be more upset over that than cheating nearly. It shows you what a selfish individual he is.

He sounds very odd too, asking could he move in with you for a bit when they broke up. I get that the whole situation was probably very dramatic in quite a pleasant way and it seems like you were totally enraptured with him. But all he actually sounds like is an emotional con artist and a coward. It's never THAT hard to get out of a relationship. If you like someone else enough, it's never THAT complicated. I hope this girlfriend doesn't forgive him.

If they do break up, I feel as though you're in danger of falling for his nonsense, poor-me routine again. You'l feel a certain empathy for him and maybe guilt as you were duplicitous in the situation also. My main advice to you would be to try to see him as the absolute conniving eejit that he is. There's not a single thing in your post that shows him to be a nice person. It just sounds like he knows how to use the right chat on the right people at the right time.

Canis Lupus

Cheated on his GF with you at xmas.

Wants to leave his GF and immediately move in with you.

Ignored his GF for 48ish hours but once sober begged for forgiveness despite what he said to you when drunk and (i'd be willing to bet) looking for a shag.

Sounds like a keeper to me....

LegacyUser

enraged wrote: »

My last boyf cheated on me a lot and it's like my confidence is being destroyed by these feckers.

you are one of these feckers, worse even because you willing do something you know is wrong

enraged wrote: »

but feck it, I'm selfish, and I feel let down.

you're desperate not selfish, you only let yourself down

Ickle Magoo

Sorry, which part are you pining for? The cheating, the lying or the alco bit?

LegacyUser

Hi Op, I;m a guy and I think you sound like a lovely decent girl. You can do so much better. My gf's have cheated on me in the past and it's hard to trust but easy to forgive. If this situation was me I would so fall for the girl and it's very easy from the outside to ask what are you doing. That said I know you can do way better so please do!!!!

Barracudaincork

enraged wrote: »

My last boyf cheated on me a lot and it's like my confidence is being destroyed by these feckers.

So you decided to make sure his girlfriend felt the same as you?

You are not better off without him, the two of you are perfect for each other and its the innocent girlfriend i feel for, not you, you knew what you were doing, you knew he was with someone and you even knew how it felt to have someone cheat on you and you still did it!

LegacyUser

What age bracket are you guys? I would be amazed at what this guy could bring to a relationship, he sounds like deceitful, needy, self-centred chancer.

That said I am sure he can have the craic, and be full of good banter, but that's always easy when you suspend reality and ignore the consequences of your actions.

Try spending a few hours in his company without alcohol, if that's still enjoyable well then maybe you have something.

Lolnouska

I actually can't believe this.

first of all, try sorting out your drinking problem.

second of all, you said your ex cheated on you and you know much much it hurt, so why would you do it to some other girl?

the both of you guys sound like wasters and that poor girl should be happy to get rid of him.

seahorse

Lolnouska wrote: »

I actually can't believe this.

Neither can I. I'm stunned that you can't see the real problem here OP. The problem is not that someone with a partner wouldn't just dump his girlfriend and go rushing into your arms - that's only to be expected, and if you're a grown woman you should have the sense to know that. The real problem is that your perceptions are so skewed that you titled this thread 'work fling' rather than 'alcohol problem'.