The thought of being alone

LegacyUser

Mostly an issue with girlfriends but echos back to friends as well.

Nearly 19 and never had a real life girlfriend (sounds odd saying real-life as it's not like they're imaginary). Never really had that many close friends either. At the moment i don't really have any. None that i could even call to go hang out with.

I used to game a lot and I've had quite a few relationships online of different sorts. From the "soul mates" to friends with benefits to just benefits. I think I've even had quite a few and they never really came as any trouble for me. They all sort of just happened.

I've never had that kind of thing in real life. For one, I didn't and still don't have a solid group that i hang around with that something can just develop from. I think that while online you're instantly connected to a group you can just jump into but i may be wrong. I feel that approaching someone to try chat them up with the intention of anything other than friendly conversation seems... kind of sleazy to me which may be unfounded.
While the whole still virgin thing is slightly bothering, more recently the issue that I'm alone is really hitting me. Going without sex is rough for me and my self esteem but sometimes it's the other stuff i miss the most.

I don't think shyness is a huge issue for me. I don't really have problems going up to people and starting a conversation but i feel mostly when i do, i tend to just glide right over them. Almost like i'm the welcome party at some business meeting. I can make a great impression but nothing ever sticks as being friends or someone to lookup again. I can hang around with a group of people but i never seem to get invited to nights out or parties or when they're doing anything.

I gave it a good shot at the start of this academic year but not a hell of a lot happened and I've rescinded back into a semi-obsessive passion for projects and educating myself but that's mostly just over the break. I've made a hell of a lot of progress though compared to secondary school though but at this rate i'll be finished college before anything ever happens if anything ever does. I'm missing out on the best bits and i can't stop it...

As an end note: Do you think that counselling would help at all or would it seem a bit weird going to one for this reason. Perhaps a life coach would be better.

LegacyUser

Hey Op i was like you when i was younger except not on computer stuff.Just more or less had my friends but they never invited me along to stuff or really ever felt part of the group.
I still don't know why to this day.
I was opposite to you though quiet and not at all as lively or attention seeking as my friends were.I dont know i guess you just ha vent met that group of friends you have clicked with completely yet.
I know i was well into my twenties before i actually met any people i call real friends.
As for you been a virgin do not even worry about that at all.Its very nice to see some people can manage to hold out past their 15 birthday.There is girls and guys out there who are still virgins and also feeling like you do about it.Because thats how society has made it these days.Absolute Bull! When you meet that girl it will be right and then go for it.
Don't think of it as sleazy, be polite and start off as a conversation like you do with people in everyday life.And carry on from there.You are only 19 you will find that group and that girl or many girls.And never think of it again.
A life coach would be a good idea if you are feeling like that wouldn't hurt.
best of luck op

LegacyUser

Yes that did occur to me about not clicking with the right group of friends and i've been looking for a while but i can't seem to find any that i really get along with. Perhaps i'm just too picky when it comes to long term friends.

I've been hearing that advice for too long though and there really aren't a whole lot of other opportunities to find those groups of friends. College is supposed to be where you meet people and I've been to lots of clubs and societies in and out of college.... it never really clicked and i guess i'm scared that i'm always going to be just sitting and waiting for that big opportunity to come along and in no time i'm going to be out of college, in a job living on my own completely separated from anyone and everyone and nowhere new to go.

Not to mention the distinct lack of girls there are in most of these groups. Even when there are the odd ones that i am interested in (which doesn't seem to happen that often) i can't seem to close the deal or whatever you want to call it. I don't know if i'm just too subtle or if they were sending signals back and i just wasn't sure and never went for it?

melissavm

OP, i think this is something a lot of young people deal with. Different people develop at different stages. What I would say is try joining new clubs/socs . When i was 16 I got a huge confidence knock (long story short: my friends were changing into people I couldn't respect. Trying bad things). I stopped hanging around with them and sort of "floated" around for a year or so. I had friends but not best friends. It was very lonely and I understand that its hard to be positive sometimes. But I stand by the advice I posted above. I started joining new things. Took summer courses, did voluntary work... I used my love for art to get out into the world and its the best thing i've ever done because I met some incredible people. I won't deny that its hard-- judging by your post its obvious you have tried a lot already but its the constant effort that pays off in the end. Try going to new places-- I mean, I live in Waterford and there are some lovely pubs here where you can just walk up to random people and have a great conversation and make some great friends.
Just keep going-- keep trying. Bear in mind that one moment can change your life for the better. So get out and live those moments. Take chances, take risks... Try not to worry and think about the past, look forward to the future (Yes i'm aware this is becoming quite cheesey :P)
Good luck OP. You seem like a very nice person!