he wants a break...help!

shelly1234

hi guys i know this hasnt been posted on for awhile but im in a dilemma. my boyfriend of almost a year who i have been livin with for 9 months has advised he needs a break. i love this man and genuinly thought i would be spending the rest of my life with him! it kind of came out of nowhere but he has issues up at home that he said he needs to deal with and has thoughts and feelings he needs to sort out too. i understand the issues he has at home and i believe that maybe i did pressurise him into seeing me when he had other obligtions but he has cut contact and the only texting we have done is him saying he needs space to think and it was all getting too much hard work and that if we'r meant to be then it will make us stronger. is this false hope? is he trying to let me down gently? i havent been able to go to work, eat, sleep etc... im so depressed i just want him back!!! what do i do:? please help!

Silverfish

Hi OP, I've split your post to it's own thread, so you can get advice specific to you.

LegacyUser

Hi Op. Really sorry to hear that it sounds like a really tough situation. I've been in the same boat myself and it didn't work out. I too couldn't eat or sleep or think about anything other than my gf. I genuinely thought that we'd get back together and we did. But then we brokeup again. Then we got together again and then we broke up again. Each breakup was as painful as the last. My advice would be to find activities to keep you active, meet new friends and move on. Once you break up once, things are never the same again as much as you may fool yourself. Sorry if this isn't the news that you were hoping for but I just don't want you going through the same pain I felt in the long run.

niceoneted

If you really love him be patient and if he loves you he will come back to you. Try not to eat yourself up about it. One thing strikes me is that you moved in with each other after 3 months of dating - that to me is a very short time frame and perhaps it's caught up with him and he needs time to reflect. Give him the space, spend time with your friends and family.
I hope it works out.

suzy q

This is a tough situation, hope you are okay. It also struck me that you moved in together after 3 months. This may have something to do with the break as the initial head-over-heels feeling of a relationship unfortunately doesn't last forever and things can seem different when this wears off and real-life takes over.

You said you have pressurised him to spend time with you when he had other things going on. This may have made him feel as if you were another commitment.. as opposed to spending time with you being something he chose to do for fun/relaxation.

The best thing to do is give him space. It's hard but just take a step back and let him come to you as chasing him may only push him further away.

Good luck, I hope it all works out for you.

shelly1234

thanks for your replys guys...the funny thing is that after i posted that he text me! basically asking how i was and giving me an update about how things are going for him at home. so i was very calm and collected in what i replied, sayin i was fine and that i hope the situation at home gets easier for him, he asked me about the house and did i need him to do anyting to get it ready to be let again but i said dont worry i know you have enough to worry about so il manage, he replied "thanks for doing all that, nite x"

i dont know what to think of that text but as i have been advised by my friends it might mean that because i have been giving him the space he requested and didnt text him then maybe he just might be missing me in some way....the other thing i was thinking is that he just wanted to know i was ok as the last time we saw each other i was fairly distraught. i miss him terrible and am very worried that this space and time away may make him realise that he doesnt need me in his life right now...

as for moving in 3 months into the relationship yes that was way too fast but i had issues myself at home as did he so it was difficult to spend time anywhere together other then the car which get very tiring. i am now living back at home but my issues are different now so i think that if we were to get back together we might be able to rekindle the fun and romance we once had and not be taking each other for granted.... ?

LegacyUser

Hi Op. I post previously and said how things hadn't worked out for me. However, in retrospect I didn't have the same drama that you guys had so there were no boundaries for us. Your situation is different, maybe things can work for you. Take it slow though and don't rush into anything. I'll be rooting for you guys anyway :-) I hope everything works out.

Vyse

Hi OP. Similar situtation happened to me a couple of years ago when my then girlfriend dumped me. I was gutted but we finally got back together after a month or two. The thing is after about another month I dumped her:eek: Don't know why really but it was like I had moved on it my onw head. Anyway after I had a bit of space we ended up getting back together, are married and are expecting our first child. What I'm saying is, despite popular belief, sometimes people can make it work after a break up. Hope that it works out for you.

ApeXaviour

Give him as much space as possible. Let him contact you. If you're at all clingy it will drive him further away. It's not guaranteed it will work out (sounds like there is a large chance it won't, don't get your hopes up). It's okay to at least start thinking of life without him. But giving him the space like you did makes him think of you independently and increases his interest level.

If you do get back together, or you get into another relationship with someone else in the future, I'd take a lesson from the above. Let him fight a little for your attention and not take it for granted, show him you love him but give also him a bit of challenge (i.e. by not nagging him, or contacting him all the time, let him work a bit)

Ickle Magoo

If you really want the relationship to survive then do as he asks. He needs space and time to sort things out, then give it to him. It's really hard but think of it in the long run, which is worse, a couple of months of not contacting him or loosing him altogether.

Some people just don't deal with stress very well and have to deal with one thing at a time. I would give him space for a while but don't put your own life on hold indefinitely in the mean time, get on with your life and get out and start having fun, take the time to enjoy a bit of you time as well rather than sitting at home pining and watching the phone.

Someone who is happy and fulfilled and secure and having fun is much more attractive and fun to be with than clingy or desperate...

Best of luck.

kjl

I hate guys like that, oh i need my space, he should just man up and if he wants to break up with you he should.

I would do exactly when one of the above poster said, just forget about. Let him contact you, and be increadibly nonchalant about it. Be all like, oh yeah, how are you, bla bla bla. Try to hide you feelings as much as possible.

Don't give into booty calls or anything like that.

Eva_W

This sounds all too familiar. I was in a similar situation and I was incredibly depressed after he told me, he needs a break and he needs to think and all that crap, he had a depression. You know, when somebody tells you, he needs a BREAK (!) from something you'd call LOVE - it should be totally clear to you that it's something ridiculous and you don't deserve to be treated like this. If he's coming back to you after a while, how long will it take until he needs the next break? And the next one? And how long do you want to deal with that psycho stuff?

Believe me, this is not true love anymore. He's just playing the Dramaqueen and if you join his game, you give him exactly the attention he's looking for.

I accepted after a while, that we were just not meant to be with each other and now I'm fine and with my true "True love" Just don't hang on to someone who brings you down. It's your life!