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How am I supposed to know what I want?

  • 07-04-2010 7:25pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Long story short I have to make a decision about two girls I'm seeing. I know I what I am doing is wrong and fully accept the flak which will come my way.

    What I need is help cos I don't know what it is what I want and I am wondering how people know what it is that THEY want?

    I am seeing two girls who are very different. One is solid, reliable, attractive, caring, easy to get along with, has a good career.

    The other is drop dead gorgeous, sexy as hell, funny yet flaky, unreliable and floats though life.

    My head says the first one yet my heart says number 2.

    Neither girl knows about each other and I have been seeing both for quite some time. I am a stage where I am overwhelmed with guilt and stress and need to end the current situation one way or the other. I maybe feel I should finish with both of them.

    I have made my choice about a hundred times over the last number of days. Problem is when I decide on one I have a deep regret about the prospect of letting the other go.

    Please don't come at me with how much of a p***k I am cos i don't need telling. I just want to know how I can make this choice. . . .


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    I would say if you can't choose between them then neither is right for you.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    im no expert man but i would guess you need time alone, away from both.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    Flip a coin. Or procrastinate. The choice will be made for you when one or both finds out about the other.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,723 ✭✭✭Cheap Thrills!


    Look, while you have both you're never going to decide. As mad as it sounds you have too much choice and when you can have both you will.

    Its impossible to pick because you don't have to. But keeping both is headwrecking as you've seen.

    You need to remove yourself from the situation believe it or not. Even if you pick either of these girls you will spend the future feeling she is 'less than' and that something is missing.

    You can't go on like this, quite apart from your own headwreck, it's not fair on either girl.

    At the moment you have the girls split into sort of wife and mistress roles. There is no need to compartmentalise these things, you can find someone who has a perfect balance of those things all in one person.

    But you need to put your money where your mouth is. If you are truly serious about wanting to lead a less duplicitous love life then you need to stop prevaricating and stop procrastinating. Imagine you were told you only had weeks to live, what would you do?


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    If two people are in your heart, you havent enough heart for one of them.

    Plus on a purely practical level, if you cant make an easy choice, then whatever choice you make you'll likely regret.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I say play on player :-) I know its not a popular opinion, but I'm guessing you're young. Live a little. We've all done it. The majority of men cheat. It's only a small minority who admit it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 463 ✭✭niceoneted


    It sounds to me like neither is right for you. You are looking for a mix of the two so be fair and release them back into circulation.
    Happy hunting for the right one.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,531 ✭✭✭Little Acorn


    Wibbs wrote: »
    If two people are in your heart, you havent enough heart for one of them.

    Plus on a purely practical level, if you cant make an easy choice, then whatever choice you make you'll likely regret.

    That's a brilliant and very true observation, I'm so going to steal it for incase somebody I know is ever in the same situation.

    OP, I think Wibbs and Thayedal are right, neither are right you need to meet somebody who has a mix of both aspects of personality/lifestyle that you like.
    -it's not fair to just keep cheating on both, if you really cared for either of them then I'm sure you'd agree that both deserve somebody better than you, who wouldn't hurt them by cheating.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 201 ✭✭fairycakes


    I would say let them both go and let them find someone decent you don't deserve either of them!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,134 ✭✭✭Lux23


    How do you find the time to see two women? I wish I was able to do things like that but seeing one person drains me. And personally I always go with my heart!!


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,199 ✭✭✭G-Money


    I'm not having a go at you OP, but when I read you saying "my head says this girl, but my heart says this other girl" I kind of felt that it wasn't your heart, it was your d***.

    Like I say, I'm not having a go at you, but from how you described her and being a guy myself, that was straight away what I thought.

    I've never been in your situation however I've always thought that if you like someone, you like them. You shouldn't need to wrack your brains and your conscience over whether you want to be with them. It's happened to me recently where I've met different girls at different times and I've been unsure as to whether I want to pursue anything with them. But it's starting to dawn on me now that the fact that I'm unsure, indicates that I shouldn't.

    I think perhaps you should maybe leave both of these girls to it for the time being and get your head straight. You are right in that you shouldn't be seeing both of them at the same time, especially if they don't know about each other and they are thinking they're exclusive with you.

    My 2 cents anyway OP.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Which of them would be most accepting and keep you if you went to them and said "I'll be honest with you, I've been seeing someone else but now I've chosen you" ? Would either of them really be grateful to be chosen? If not, it's too late, because do you really want to get into a serious relationship with someone who you will never be completely honest with? My advice is start again and find someone new with whom you will be honest from the start - this is the only way to have a lasting relationship.


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