Can't stand my brother

LegacyUser

And I feel horrible about it.
I'm 21 hes about 24.
Its just me him and my Parents.
We were always very close until our teens, I think thats when we drifted apart.
We were both living in the house until about two and a half years ago when he moved in with his girlfriend. Until that point tensions between us rose up like mad.
One incident was an argument over the shower, I called him a stupid **** then as I walked away he kicked me and we came to blows in the hallway. Our parents were out at the time
I was very upset but we both calmed down and talked for a minute, he said he was sick of me acting the hard man about the place, but I honestly don't think I was. I was more sick of him treating me like ****.
We agreed not to tell our parents about it because they'd make a huuuuuuge deal out of it.
Unfortunately a few months later we had a similar argument over the telly, it was something stupid like I was watching something and he changed the channel.
We came to blows again but this time it was more vicious, I punched him square in the face and cut his forhead open pretty badly. We were around the house arguing for a while when my parents came in saw the damage and made us go to seperate rooms for a while to cool off.
It was a horrible experience, my Dad was very upset about the whole thing because his generation of the family was constantly arguing and having fights in the same house (we inherited the house from my grandfather) they even used knives on one another.
We talked for a while I apologised again, told him why I was upset and we kinda managed to chat to one another about it nice and calmly. He still reckoned I looked down my nose at him and I half exploded again saying I dont look down my nose at anyone.
All was well for a while and then he moved in with his Girlfriend, it was rosey after that to be honest.
Unfortunately I still can't get along with him, hes like a complete stranger these days. I dont know what to talk to him about when we are around. But his personality kind of grates against mine anyway to be honest, I wont go into the details of that unless someone asks for it because this post is long enough as it is.
Anyway last year I decided to go study in the UK. Unfortunately he's moved back home and broken up with his fiance. So when I come home for christmas and easter hes there and I can't really relax at home.
I don't understand this, I get along great with my parents I could talk to them about anything but when it comes to my brother.....its a different story.
But by far the worst thing about all this is right now I worry about him alot. Hes only just after breaking up with fiance who hes been with for a few years atleast. And talks as if hes not bothered about it, but I get the feeling that he is. Neither me or my parents can get much from him. Now hes talking about moving to a different country and I honestly dont think hes in the right state of mind to handle it.
He left his job because of stress and has spent a fortune on training courses hoping to change careers completely.

Im sorry if theres alot of unnecassary detail in there. To sum it up, I'm confused annoyed and guilty about my brother.
I still feel terrible about the fights we had, and I dont think I'll ever get along with him can any give me advice on how to handle this whole situation???
Thanks

opinion guy

Thats a complicated post.
I don't have time to answer all of it. But can I say this - stop catastrophising with stuff like this:

and I dont think I'll ever get along with him

you are both at ages where you are still growing up (even if you feel grown up already:D). Things will change between ye in ways you can't predict in the next few years. Don't throw your anchor in the soil with how things are now as that will only tie both of you to the status quo.

The other thing is - control your own temper. Yes both you of are involved in the physical altercations but you are responsible for your own temper not his. You are too old for that physical stuff (and can do too much damage to each other). Don't feel guilty - thats pointless and selfindulgent. Whats done is done. Just don't let it happen again and you won't have reason to feel guilty in future.

Finally, as regards being worried for him. All you can do is listen if he decides to talk. just let him know its an option

epgc3fyqirnbsx

I see this happen a lot, it happened me.
The thing is there is then embarrasment on both sides (and trust me there will be), there will be some overly awkward and civil chat when things start to get better and then the will, especially after family occasions etc.
But you do love him or you wouldn't bother posting so be the bigger man and begin to talk to him again, the sooner the better.
When it comes down to it, family will always be there and you will regret any bad relationships and 9 times out of 10 they are avoidable. Fix it, there'll never be a good reason not to.

Edit : And do it before he goes away or he may be less inclined to ever come back, think about it in his head, if he thinks he can't even get on with his brother then why would he? You've made the first move posting here already, may not be so easy for him, so do it.