Losing A Friend Because Of A Girlfriend

quicklickpaddy

Ok, so basically I have been seeing my girlfriend for roughly 6 months now. From the start she seemed to get on well with all the lads no problem but there was a bit of friction between her and the girls I'd hang out with. Nothing malicious from any of them but as a group they seemed to decide they didn't like her.

Probably my closest friend for the last 3 years or so was one of the girls who decided to take particular offence to my new girlfriend. It didn't seem to be too big of a deal... They didn't have to be friends. She had told me a few times that she didn't like her but never seemed to give any real reasons apart from apparently my girlfriend blanked the group once. Anyways... Very long story short my friend posted a photo album of a night we were all out for and the title was ripping the piss out of what my girlfriend was wearing.

So I was talking to my friend on facebook chat and asked her about it and she said "it was just something we were saying that night"... But then a few hours later she came back on saying that she was being sly and that it was about my girlfriend and that she changed it.

Then she essentially broke up with me as friends. She said it was her fault and she needed to grow up but we shouldn't talk anymore. That was honestly the most insulted I've ever been... I couldn't believe that our friendship meant so little to her that she'd prefer to not be friends than to get over the fact that she doesn't like my girlfriend or even just keep our relationship seperate.

To be honest I'm not sure if I want to do anything about it... If I did mean that little to her I'm probably better off without her as my friend? But I don't know if I should do anything or not... Or what I even would do for that matter. Any similar situations / advice would be appreciated!

Cheap Thrills!

With 'friends' like that, who needs enemies!?

Seriously OP, your ex friend sounds like a nasty b1tch, what she did was rude and bullyish. Perhaps your Girlfriend blanked her and the others before because she sensed bad vibes from them.

Your ex friend admits herself she was sly, its possible she has been giving your GF bad vibes for a while and only admits it now.

I would let them go, you dont need friends like that.

quicklickpaddy

Yeah that's what I was thinking. The thing thats doing my head in is that its completely out of character for her. You fairly hit the nail on the head there though... Thats almost exactly what I said to her

JonathanAnon

Is it completely beyond the bounds of belief that this girl may want you for herself?

Ruthie_

Sounds like your friend is way into you and is seriously jealous of your girlfriend!! Defo a case of the green eyed monster imo!

quicklickpaddy

Eh... Well rereading that yeah I see your point but I would to be honest I think the answer to that is yes. Obviously being opposite sex best friends questions are asked and people assume we were together but I think its very very unlikely. I am looking for reasons to make what she did more understandable but I can't so thats just frustrating me even more!

Magenta

Ruthie_ wrote: »

Sounds like your friend is way into you and is seriously jealous of your girlfriend!! Defo a case of the green eyed monster imo!

Oh hell yes!

quicklickpaddy

Well... That aside. Any ideas or do I just count it as a loss?

iguana

I agree with the general consensus so far, I suspect she may like you as more than a friend and have been jealous of your girlfriend. If she is taking some time out from your friendship it seems as if she has decided to stop trying to be friends with someone she has unrequited feelings for. Which, hard as it is for you, is the best thing she can do for her own peace of mind.

cafecolour

quicklickpaddy wrote: »

Then she essentially broke up with me as friends. She said it was her fault and she needed to grow up but we shouldn't talk anymore.

She was in love with you, got jealous of your girlfriend, realized it was too painful to keep in contact with you, and broke off all contact.

It's too bad she wasn't honest about it, but that's what happened. Leave her be.

quicklickpaddy

iguana wrote: »

I agree with the general consensus so far, I suspect she may like you as more than a friend and have been jealous of your girlfriend. If she is taking some time out from your friendship it seems as if she has decided to stop trying to be friends with someone she has unrequited feelings for. Which, hard as it is for you, is the best thing she can do for her own peace of mind.

Looking at the situation in writing, I've tried to go through it looking for anything that's even slightly misleading or pointing to my friend having feelings for me but basically thats exactly as it is. I really don't think it is that though... Obviously sometimes its easier to evaluate when you can step back from it but it just seems too unlikely.

The thing is I was with someone else for about 9months beforehand. And that wasn't a clean break... We broke up late August, I wasn't too happy about it and we ended up sleeping together again early October... And then I met my current girlfriend later that month (I could have my maths wrong on those). She got on with my ex-girlfriend though, so why the sudden change if they were only a few weeks between?

mike rolite

Your friend is really really into you. She has been for ages. She just cant be around you and your girlfriend when you've broken her heart. I've been there. It's too hard.

suzy q

It definitely sounds like she did have feelings for you! Or it may be that you are spending more time with your girlfriend that would previously have been spent with her?

Even so, the way she acted towards your girlfriend was out of order and very immature. Do you mind me asking what age you guys are?

quicklickpaddy

suzy q wrote: »

It definitely sounds like she did have feelings for you! Or it may be that you are spending more time with your girlfriend that would previously have been spent with her?

Even so, the way she acted towards your girlfriend was out of order and very immature. Do you mind me asking what age you guys are?

I think you're closer to the mark tbh... But what do I do about it? Should i leave it or try be the bigger person?

We're 19

JonathanAnon

quicklickpaddy wrote: »

I think you're closer to the mark tbh... But what do I do about it? Should i leave it or try be the bigger person? We're 19

You've done nothing wrong, but sometimes things just dont work out. Being best friends with a girl is fine as long neither fancies the other. And in my experience this is rare enough. One or the other usually likes the other a little bit more..

It would be just fairer to respect her issues and leave her alone for a while. Nothing is final, and it may be possible for you to be friends again in the future, just see it as a worth in progress instead of something that you have to fix immediately.

suzy q

quicklickpaddy wrote: »

I think you're closer to the mark tbh... But what do I do about it? Should i leave it or try be the bigger person?

We're 19

It seems a shame to let the friendship go without trying to salvage it. How does your girlfriend feel about the situation?

It may be an idea to try to have an honest conversation with your friend. Tell her you are upset she has decided she doesn't want to talk anymore. It doesn't sound to me like she honestly wants to let the friendship go because she is not bothered. It may be a case that she is embarassed by her behaviour and not sure how to make amends? Maybe she feels you would rather just let the friendship go if she already was feeling that she was being pushed aside by your girlfriend (although I know you didn't intend this!)

If you do manage to mend the friendship, maybe spending some seperate time with your friends without your girlfriend there may help the situation?

Good luck!

quicklickpaddy

JonathanAnon wrote: »

You've done nothing wrong, but sometimes things just dont work out. Being best friends with a girl is fine as long neither fancies the other. And in my experience this is rare enough. One or the other usually likes the other a little bit more..

It would be just fairer to respect her issues and leave her alone for a while. Nothing is final, and it may be possible for you to be friends again in the future, just see it as a worth in progress instead of something that you have to fix immediately.

suzy q wrote: »

It seems a shame to let the friendship go without trying to salvage it. How does your girlfriend feel about the situation?

It may be an idea to try to have an honest conversation with your friend. Tell her you are upset she has decided she doesn't want to talk anymore. It doesn't sound to me like she honestly wants to let the friendship go because she is not bothered. It may be a case that she is embarassed by her behaviour and not sure how to make amends? Maybe she feels you would rather just let the friendship go if she already was feeling that she was being pushed aside by your girlfriend (although I know you didn't intend this!)

If you do manage to mend the friendship, maybe spending some seperate time with your friends without your girlfriend there may help the situation?

Good luck!

Yeah, I've tried talking my friend about it before. One of her issues was that she didn't think she could tell me things without it getting back to my girlfriend (this was very early on btw). So I instantly stopped telling my girlfriend anything from her at all just to save causing any offence... I have also talked to my girlfriend about it but I've only fully explained it since my friend "broke it off" with me because of what she had said beforehand. When she said it first I also made a big effort to make time for her but it didn't even seem like she was all that enthusiastic about it...

I just really want to know what it's all about tbh... Because right now I'm still pretty offended at the fact that she doesn't think I'm worth the effort and having something to justify it would put my mind at ease...

Starting a conversation with her now would also be very awkward... It feels like we're a bitter ex couple or something

opinion guy

OP I see more than one possiblity here.

a) as others have said perhaps your friend fancies you

b) there is something else going on that your friend feels she can't talk to you about you. maybe she heard a rumour about your girlfriend. maybe they had some row netiher of them had told you about

c) since you are both only 19 its entirely maybe your friend is just being immature


anyhow try asking her why she doesn't like your girlfriend. just talk to her about things. if she still doesn't give you any decent explanation then just accept it and leave it

Dark Phoenix

The way I see it where a man and woman are 'just friends' one fancies the other, simple as.
Its pretty obvious your friend had her eye on you and got jealous when your girlfriend came along. She acted like a child and to be honest I think your better off without or you would risk losing your girlfriend who really should not have to put up with that kind of bitchy behaviour from a jealous 'friend' of yours.

People walk away because they expect to be followed. Its possible your friend did this as she knew you were beginning to see through her and question her behaviour especially towards your girlfriend.

The other thing is that sometimes friends of the opposite sex even if they don't fancy you, use you as a substitute for a relationship - I am assuming this girl does not have a boyfriend of her own? So she gets the emotional part of a relationshop from you - a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen to her and spend time with. If I was going out with someone I would not be comfortable with them being that close with another girl if that girl was behaving so clingy to my boyfriend and so off with me. Things like 'you are not making time for me' is emotional blackmail. Your not going out with this person, your friends so you should not have to constantly make time for them or be responsible for their happiness.

Have seen this exact same situation before. Girl I knew was besotted with a guy they were 'best friends'. He didn't fancy her so she just clung as tightly as she could to him which usually frightened any prospective girlfriends away from him. When he did get a girlfriend she was so jealous and would throw so much effort into trying to monoplise his time, b*tching about his girlfriend and nearly trying to prove she was closer to him than his girlfriend