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To be or not to be - I am just over life

LegacyUser · 2010-04-06 11:48:34

Im 25 turning 26 this year. Every year that goes by i look at what i have achieved and what i havnt, the result is the same. Right now im feeling the same feelings of uslessness and lack of motivation for anything in my life for several reasons, im finacailly stressed and cant keep up with simple stupid payments, even if i…

06-04-2010 11:48am

#1

LegacyUser

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Im 25 turning 26 this year. Every year that goes by i look at what i have achieved and what i havnt, the result is the same.

Right now im feeling the same feelings of uslessness and lack of motivation for anything in my life for several reasons, im finacailly stressed and cant keep up with simple stupid payments, even if i do im just keeping my head above water. I want to move out but i dont have the money for it, thus i still live with my mum and desire to move out, its hard because im the only child and she has medical condition, dispite that i dont feel like i should be dragged by hear wants and needs because i have my own god dam life to live. Im fighting between all the years she cared for me only to raise me for her own purposes or for me to do as i desire.I cant make a choice.

My mum has been devorced every since i was young, i remember pretty much everything and how it all happend. I want to blame them for everything because of their actions i didnt have a good start in life, dispite that all they want to do is make things right with me, and its ****ing annoying, all i want is to be left alone, literally. Im sick of my entire family and dont even want to be around them, just their presence pisses me off and im sick to hell from them. Day by day goes i try to get along with it but ive simply had enough. Ive already refused to follow our cultural tradition( Muslim) because i felt i was being a blind zealot never reallying searching for my own answers but taking others and because of that experience its left a bad impression on me...forever.

Im furious, i cant let go of this hate, it seems like my situation in life, money and espically family isnt really helping me. If i could afford help, id be seeing a doctor or therpist now, i guess thats why im typing here.

I wish there was a simple solution to my problem, the painful true is only i have the answers, and to discover it i have to ask the right questions. How ironic isnt it ? Questions are the answers ?

I dont konw if i explained myself well here to anyone and forgive me for the errors in this post i dont type well when im expressing myself. I just im just a fool always clinging to hope because im unable to do it things myself anymore , im tired, broken and lost. I just cant snap out of it and move on anymore... if death was a option id take it, but im too much of a coward to do it, id rather risk my life and die then just take it away for nothing.

If you read this, thanks for listening i guess. I just wanted to speak.

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