Lads Opinion Please

LegacyUser

I was going out with a guy for nearly 3 yrs before we broke up. Still loved each other but things just weren't "right" for months and everything eventually just came to a head. In the weeks before the breakup, I was put on antidepressents and he wasnt there one bit for support. HAlf od the depression I firmly believe came from his emotional baggage I constantly tried to help him with and his massive oversensitivity (I've never blamed or said that to him though). Anyway the usual post-breakup of hurt & anger from both sides reared their heads but a few weeks later we got back together and talked everything out properly. He told me he was a mess during the time apart & despite friends telling him to, he didnt go out on the pull etc. He also said he only told a close friend any details about why we broke up and about me. I honestly never said a bad word to any of my friends about him as I still loved him.

Over a year later, I have found out that he actually told a not-so-close friend during a breakup that I was gone mad with depression and was losing it etc. Some pretty hurtful stuff. Also that he'd gone out on a couple of dates with some girl that he had gotten her number when we were together!! I'm seriously shocked by all of this, especially given the oversensitive personality he has and the constant mush & almost sometimes girly way he goes on in our relationship. It's like two different people?!

I guess I'm just wondering do "lads" just talk to "lads" like this. Just a thing they do? Although giving out private info about me like that really is not on! I cant say this to him...but yeah, is this likely to be "lads" talk or have I uncovered a very horrible side to him?

S23

Honestly, I can say, no, I would never talk to 'not so close friends' about stuff of that nature and I would be sure my friends never would either.

Its not on. Yes he may have been a bit hurt after what went on or whatever but it most certainly doesn't excuse that kind of behaviour. Telling people you'd 'gone mad with depression' is poor form.

I broke up with a girl once who had some serious issues that brought our relationship to an end. It didn't end well either but I had enough respect for her not to go round telling everyone what her problems behind closed doors were.

What he did was classless and showed some spite and immaturity as well as a level of disrespect for you.

The couple of rebound dates wouldn't have bothered me too much had it not been for the fact he got the girls number when he was with you still. So maybe he had one eye on the door, lined this girl up. Then it turns out the grass wasn't greener on the other side so he went back to the familiarity and safety of you.

LegacyUser

op, can totally relate to your dilemma.

My bf decided to go travelling in june 08 and we agreed to stay together (i am a few years younger than him, he felt he had to go before he got tied down buying a hse etc, i had to stay to finish my last yr in college)
The agreement was that we would stay together, but i was alot more for it than he was...........when he left initially i got all these lovey dovey texts sayin he wouldnt be able to stay away from me for too long, he was sorry he hadn't waited for me etc, i put this down to homesickness and him just hanging around hostels all day bored etc. After a few weeks however when he had made friends, he went the opposite way completely and didnt answer the phone to me for days etc, was very cold and distant.
2 months after he left, i found out i was pregnant - was a complete shock as i had had a period since he left, but handled it very badly and was very depressed. I told him and he hung up on me, accused me of lieing to try and make him come home, accused me of getting pregnant by someone else etc..... well im not proud to admit that i tried to kill myself..... it didnt work, i was violently sick for a few days after it, getting all the medication out of my system, did some internal damage and unfortunately miscarried 9 days afterwards. I didnt contact my bf through all of this, but my brother did and he called me a few weeks after begging for forgiveness, after a rocky few months we managed to get back on track....
i started making plans to join him in australia......one day i was uploading pics onto his facebook page (his request) and some girl popped up in the chat......was about to go offline when she typed in, oh i see your gf is coming over to join u, and all ur talk about how she was a psycho, and got pregnant to trap you then tried to kill herself. i just logged off and i think i cried for days.....
was such a horrible thing to find out, after months of building everything up again. in the end i finished it as i was so hurt by what he had told people about me, i couldnt imagine a life abroad with him when all of his friends would have heard that about me - he claims that he only spoke to that one girl about us, and didn't say anything as harsh as she had made out, but people talk and theres no way we could have moved on from that. Theres nothing worse when your deepest secrets have been talked about by people who know nothing about you

best of luck op, i dont regret my decision - you dont need someone who first of all lets u down when u need them most , and then talks **** about you and lies about it!!! xxxx chin up xxxx

LegacyUser

canrelate123 wrote: »

op, can totally relate to your dilemma.

My bf decided to go travelling in june 08 and we agreed to stay together (i am a few years younger than him, he felt he had to go before he got tied down buying a hse etc, i had to stay to finish my last yr in college)
The agreement was that we would stay together, but i was alot more for it than he was...........when he left initially i got all these lovey dovey texts sayin he wouldnt be able to stay away from me for too long, he was sorry he hadn't waited for me etc, i put this down to homesickness and him just hanging around hostels all day bored etc. After a few weeks however when he had made friends, he went the opposite way completely and didnt answer the phone to me for days etc, was very cold and distant.
2 months after he left, i found out i was pregnant - was a complete shock as i had had a period since he left, but handled it very badly and was very depressed. I told him and he hung up on me, accused me of lieing to try and make him come home, accused me of getting pregnant by someone else etc..... well im not proud to admit that i tried to kill myself..... it didnt work, i was violently sick for a few days after it, getting all the medication out of my system, did some internal damage and unfortunately miscarried 9 days afterwards. I didnt contact my bf through all of this, but my brother did and he called me a few weeks after begging for forgiveness, after a rocky few months we managed to get back on track....
i started making plans to join him in australia......one day i was uploading pics onto his facebook page (his request) and some girl popped up in the chat......was about to go offline when she typed in, oh i see your gf is coming over to join u, and all ur talk about how she was a psycho, and got pregnant to trap you then tried to kill herself. i just logged off and i think i cried for days.....
was such a horrible thing to find out, after months of building everything up again. in the end i finished it as i was so hurt by what he had told people about me, i couldnt imagine a life abroad with him when all of his friends would have heard that about me - he claims that he only spoke to that one girl about us, and didn't say anything as harsh as she had made out, but people talk and theres no way we could have moved on from that. Theres nothing worse when your deepest secrets have been talked about by people who know nothing about you

best of luck op, i dont regret my decision - you dont need someone who first of all lets u down when u need them most , and then talks **** about you and lies about it!!! xxxx chin up xxxx

You cannot have your period if you are pregnant.

You called your boyfriend, told him you were pregnant, he said you got pregnant by some else to trap him and hung up. You then tried to kill yourself. After all that you were willing to go over to Australia to be with him. Hard to believe.

LegacyUser

S23 & canrelate123, thanks for the responses. I am still kinda in shock that someone I thought I knew so well and trusted with anything has let me down with a bang ( Trying to get my head round it and seriously can't

kjl

guys do a lot of stupid things when they are upset, ask him to explain.

Plus you cant be upset because he went on some date when you two were broken up.

LegacyUser

kjl wrote: »

guys do a lot of stupid things when they are upset, ask him to explain.

Plus you cant be upset because he went on some date when you two were broken up.

I wouldnt be upset about the date except when we got back together, he told me he never went out on any dates when we were apart, in fact he said could barely talk to any girl if he was out with his mates. Just an unnecessary lie as he knows I've never been the jealous type etc

dellas1979

"You cannot have your period if you are pregnant."

Yes, you are right, this is physically not possible. It is impossible

BUT

Some girls bleed a little bit (sometimes throughout a whole pregnancy) and if you dont know you are pregnant or are in the very early days, it can be misconstrued as a "period".

To the OP, I would blow the whistle on him and ask him why he felt the need to lie to your face.

seenitall

hfdgfhd...,

read dallas1979's post. Some women go through whole pregnancies with regular or irregular bleeds. Maybe you weren't aware of that fact, but just in the name of compassion toward people who have been through such traumatic events as attempt at suicide and miscarriage, get your facts straight first of all, maybe it will be a bit easier to show some compassion then.

I have learnt to be a sceptic in my life the hard way, but I don't see anything in canrelate123's post that would lead me to disbelieve her. I would venture that the majority of people who find themselves on PI/RI threads, aren't perfect, have made mistakes in their lives, and therefore sometimes don't take the "logical" route in life (whatever that is), especially where love is concerned.

OP, all you can do is talk to you boyfriend to try and clear your feelings about the whole thing and maybe understand why he lied to you, and whether it is sometimes that you can get over, or not. Good luck.

kjl

Shocked & Upset wrote: »

I wouldnt be upset about the date except when we got back together, he told me he never went out on any dates when we were apart, in fact he said could barely talk to any girl if he was out with his mates. Just an unnecessary lie as he knows I've never been the jealous type etc

or maybe he lied to you to get you back.

LegacyUser

kjl wrote: »

or maybe he lied to you to get you back.

We were already back together at that point, laying our cards on the table, starting afresh etc. A lie isnt a good way to start that off.


Anyway, yes, I'll be talking to him about it. It's going to be tougher...and even tougher to trust him again but we'll see...thanks for the replies!