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being the quiet one

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  • 05-04-2010 1:54pm
    #1
    gonnaplayrugby
    Closed Accounts Posts: 453 ✭✭


    ok so in my group im kinda the quiet one and i'm looking for ways to change this?


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    #2
    whadabouchasir
    Registered Users Posts: 942 ✭✭✭whadabouchasir


    Why do you want to change this?I think people in general find the queit one to be much less annoying than the really loud one,or at least I do anyway.


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    #3
    entropi
    Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 21,730 Mod ✭✭✭✭entropi


    OP, if this is related to your current dilemma about that girl...trust me its better to stay as the quiet one, she'll like you for who you are, not something fake (women can clearly see this). You've probably heard it before "be yourself" etc but it is so true. I was ALWAYS the quiet one in the group I grew up with, never had a shortage of offers from girls but thats because I wasn't an a**hole really.

    If you must insist on changing yourself, do it for YOU and not somebody else, and always for a good reason. If it'll improve you as a person, then it will be worth it.


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    #4
    force majeure
    Registered Users Posts: 387 ✭✭force majeure


    gonnaplayrugby wrote: »
    ok so in my group im kinda the quiet one and i'm looking for ways to change this?

    No need to change as your soon find your forte just need to keep on plugging away. Thats the way I do things anyhow.


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    #5
    corkcomp
    Registered Users Posts: 5,114 ✭✭✭corkcomp


    like others have said, no need to change.. Depending on who im with I could either be the most quiet one or the loudest:D


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    #6
    Emme
    Registered Users Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    No need to change. Women often find the quiet ones more attractive! :D


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    #7
    speedboatchase
    Registered Users Posts: 5,777 ✭✭✭speedboatchase


    What age are you OP? When I was 16-17 I was pretty much the definition of "the quiet one" but only if in the company of girls, I wouldn't be anywhere near as quiet hanging out with the lads. I had a trauma (an assault) a couple of years before and it really shattered my confidence in public. Anyways when I was 18 I got a summer job doing charity work on the street (chuggers etc, whatever I was young!) and it REALLY helped me come out of my shell as I had to have or project a certain level of confidence to talk to people and do my job. I know a lot of people here are saying "just be yourself" and that's true to an extent as long as you're not being false, but why not be the "best of yourself" and work on any social problems you think you might have? "Being yourself" and what you are two constantly evolving things and if you can nudge yourself in a direction you want to go do it for yourself and see where it takes you


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    #8
    Glenster
    Registered Users Posts: 2,626 ✭✭✭Glenster


    gonnaplayrugby wrote: »
    ok so in my group im kinda the quiet one and i'm looking for ways to change this?

    Do something.


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    #9
    Esse85
    Registered Users Posts: 8,238 ✭✭✭Esse85


    gonnaplayrugby wrote: »
    ok so in my group im kinda the quiet one and i'm looking for ways to change this?
    Take up different hobbies, become an expert on a topic, have different interests in lots of things. All of this will mean you have lots to say IF you decide you want to say something.


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    #10
    gonnaplayrugby
    Closed Accounts Posts: 453 ✭✭gonnaplayrugby


    i can have conversation but im just not very funny or fun and im not good at talkin about random stuff. i can tall about rugby, football, school music no problem.


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    #11
    SugarHigh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,265 ✭✭✭SugarHigh


    I'm going to have to disagree with everyone saying stay the way you are, this is obviously affecting you so it makes sense to try and change.

    To get better at conversations your just going to have to try more I know that sounds a bit crap but if you try and have a conversation with everyone you meet(Where it is exceptable to start a conversation) you will get better. So for example try and having a conversaiton with the girl at the checkout, it will probably be short and maybe awkward but you will start to pick up what works. Copy other people, most conversation is repetive and boring but it doesn't mean it's bad. We talk with people to bond not just to communicate something so don't worry too much about being interesting or funny with everything you say.

    It's really hard to teach someone how to be funny especially when I'm not that funny myself but just try and pick up what works for other people and you will soon realise what they're saying normally isn't very funny but it's just the way they say it along with their mannersiims, Start off with tryin to mkae yourself laugh. Comedians are constantly noticing the funny stuff in their lives because they are just naturally always looking for it.


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    #12
    PK2008
    Registered Users Posts: 2,219 ✭✭✭PK2008


    I used to be a "quiet one" myself, and I always thought ah well thats just the type I am, nothing wrong with that however the truth is in social settings there is alot wrong with that. Im in no way stuck up or snobby or anything but thats the way quiet people come across- stand offish, cold, unavailable, self centred, stuck up. i know its not true but that is how they come across.

    Think about girls you've met that were real hard work to get a conversation going with that get labeled 'stuck up' alot of these are just quiet ones aswell.

    The reality is we're all in the same boat- when your out with people it is common courtesy to make the effort and talk. This doesnt mean you have to be funny but take an interest in the people, ask them how there day was, ask them about their jobs and their family.

    One cracking conversation starter is this; ' So what do you work as" -ok thats not original but when they tell you what they do follow it with this: 'So do you like it?' - doesnt sound like much but its surprisingly rare that people are asked whether they like their job or not and it can open up the conversation to some really interesting avenues because you're really asking them about what they like, how they arrived at the place they're currently in and where they would like to be in the future. They might tell you about the college course they took, or their dream job etc, which may reveal common ground.

    Imagine to yourself that the people around you are feeling just as awkward as you and then take a genuine interest in them. You dont have to be funny just honest- when people see honesty it sparks a bond and often leads to them opening up more aswell. Dont take yourself to seriously and try to be light hearted, you can bring up funny things that happened to you- that may be relevant to the conversation, this way you dont have to make it up and often you'll have one of those 'No way!! Me too!!' moments. But in order to have that level of conversation you must be willing to take the risk of opening up

    Quiet people (like my former self) are under the illusion that they are actually very polite and mannerly however it is very impolite (bad etiquette) to be quiet in social situations.


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    #13
    DazMarz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,493 ✭✭✭DazMarz


    Dude, you have no reason to change!

    I was always, until about a year ago, the loud/obnoxious/'shouty' one of my group. I was doing this, simply because I felt the need to be 'one of the boyos' or something.

    But since then, I've realised, I could be coming across as an arsehole (which I probably was).

    So I've quietened down a lot, and now tend to be ''the quiet one''. Apart from some people asking me if I'm alright and so on, I find it much better to be in the background and say little or nothing. It's amazing how people do notice the quieter ones first (girls especially!!!)

    As the Tao says: Those who talk, don't know. Those who know, don't talk.

    Good luck, bro....


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    #14
    Handsome Bob
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,905 ✭✭✭✭Handsome Bob


    Esse85 wrote: »
    Take up different hobbies, become an expert on a topic, have different interests in lots of things. All of this will mean you have lots to say IF you decide you want to say something.

    I'd agree with this. There's no issue with being quiet, it's more of a problem in relation to genuinely having nothing to say. The more interests you have the easier it will be to talk to people.


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