Self worth

LegacyUser

So recently i've come to the sad realisation that i have zero self worth...where to start...i recently broke up with someone who i was seeing for 4 months..amicably..but i realised that all of my relationships seem to get stuck at this point, the point where you start to 'get to know' the other person, start stripping them down, deciding if there's a relationship potential there...i used to think it was just bad luck but....i'm the common denominator aren't i?..i mean the relationships last for a while when its all fluffy and happy and new but once they start digging...they realise inside i'm hollow..i don't *sparkle* like other girls..i don't believe i deserve a relationship/happiness/sucess.
I don't love myself so why on earth would anyone else want to.

Ironically i'm the girl all my friends can trust and depend on, if i say i'm going to be somewhere/do something i'll do everything in my power to make sure that i do ...i'm the shoulder to cry on..i put everyone elses needs above my own, but when it comes to me, i'll trust anyone above myself...

anyway moan moan moan...whats the question.

I need to start putting myself first for a change..start trying to love myself, or at least like myself...how do i suddenly stop being the agony aunt of my group of friends without coming across like a selfish self absorbed cow? just now for example i was chatting to my friend and she was moaning about her bf, asking my advice on what to do?..i really just had had a crap day and couldnt listen to it...but of course i did, because thats what i do...i guess i'm just looking for practical advice on how do i steer the conversation away from peoples problems/negativity? in a nice way ?

unattendedbag

You dont sound like such a bad person from your post above. Being there for your friends and supporting them is a great thing to do and Im sure they really appreciate it. Thats something to be proud of.

Im curious by what you mean when you say you appear hollow and dont sparkle. Can you elaborate on this?

When you get to the 4 month stage of a relationship the honeymoon period is starting to wear off and the serious business of compatibility begins to ponder on both parties. What changes do you see in yourself when this stage comes about? Perhaps its worth taking a bit of feedback you recieved from your ex's and analysing it a bit to see where you go wrong. Also try and get a sense of acomplishment and proudness somewhere in your life. Something as simple as finishing a difficult project or achieving a goal you've been aiming for.

Nulty

I think I know where your comiing from when you talk about self-worth, relationships etc. Do you think that maybe your not ready for a relationship. My last relationship (3yr) ended with one of the main reasons being, I didn't feel I cared as much as I should have about the other person (on re-reading this it sounds harsh but its true). One of my problems was that I didn't like myself and therefore could not love anyone else. Also like you I was the reliable one of my friends (not that they're not reliable.)

Anyway, comparing my experience to yours may not give you the answers your looking for but maybe give you another angle to look at your situation from. You mention that stage of your relationships where you really get to know the other person. I would guess that that is the stage where a relationship becomes serious and it requires a new level of commitment. I'd then guess that it's this lack of commitment that is holding you back from progressing in a long term relationship. But that may not be what your looking for and you just don't know it yet.