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More opinons?

  • 03-04-2010 7:44pm
    #1
    TMH
    Closed Accounts Posts: 66 ✭✭


    Writer’s Block
    A day filled with unintellectual exertion,

    Cerebral activity is boundless,

    A day alone with my thoughts,

    Ideas lie like cement in my skull,

    I try to demolish this mess,

    To use its debris to reconstruct some forgotten wisdom,

    But the day ends with the wall still standing,

    Introspection becomes effortless again,

    Now that I am unable to gather its fruit.


Comments

  • #2
    DarkBlue_18
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26 ✭DarkBlue_18


    Hey TMH,
    I love the ideas and thoughts behind both of the poems that you have posted but to me it seems that you are trying to be too clever with your wording and that a lot of it doesn't come straight onto the page with natural flow. It seems too worked. I don't know how you write but if you seem to be thinking too much in order to sound more clever, leave it be and just let whatever you are thinking flow instead of what you want to be seen on the page. This way you can work with an idea that has already came straight from your imagination or thoughts, it is not false or masked in false language. This is not a negative comment but something that as a reader stood out for me. Hope you take this comment as constructive criticism from a reader that really enjoyed the thoughts behind the language.. Keep on writing...Darkblue_18


  • #3
    TMH
    Closed Accounts Posts: 66 ✭✭TMH


    DarkBlue_18 wrote: »
    Hey TMH,
    I love the ideas and thoughts behind both of the poems that you have posted but to me it seems that you are trying to be too clever with your wording and that a lot of it doesn't come straight onto the page with natural flow. It seems too worked. I don't know how you write but if you seem to be thinking too much in order to sound more clever, leave it be and just let whatever you are thinking flow instead of what you want to be seen on the page. This way you can work with an idea that has already came straight from your imagination or thoughts, it is not false or masked in false language. This is not a negative comment but something that as a reader stood out for me. Hope you take this comment as constructive criticism from a reader that really enjoyed the thoughts behind the language.. Keep on writing...Darkblue_18

    Thanks mate, appreciate that. No offence taken!


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