Boardsies, what do you think!! Give your best advice Guys

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this.....Ok so, i have been with this girl for the last month and a half, at first it wasnt serious just some fun when out but it has turned a little more now. she said at the begining that we should just keep it casual as she is moving in sept for college! Now that was fine but lately, well in the last three weeks, we have been meeting up and chatting constantly like a couple, now dont get me wrong, i love it.

then last week she brought up the subject of "us". so we got chatting a little bit and revealed some of our feelings for each other, and we brought up the topic of 'scoring' so we agreed that we werent kissing anyone else and that there is some exclusivity between us. Not fully going out titles yet. but on the other hand she keeps saying things like oh ul have to get a web cam for when i move and that i should visit. like she was the one who said no relationships, yet any night she is out she rings me at the end for a chat regardless of whether or not shes drinking or not, then she is always texting asking if im about to hang out or get coffee in college, obv i do meet up with her when i am free and i do initiate contact sometimes but not as much as her. (trying to keep my distance as i can feel myself falling for her big time, and m petrified of being hurt again if i do fall for her, its been 4 years since i met someone that i get on so well with.) and we have talked a little about meeting up over the summer and that (she lives in limerick when at home im in cork, but only an hr drive so not a major issue, esp. as we both drive)

Now the question is has any one any experience of these types of relationships, ie. where one member of the relationship goes on an erasumus for a yr. she would be back for a month at christmas time! So guys any one ever been in a similar situation???

BraziliaNZ

Yes I have. Seems to me like 99% of times they don't work. All the new stuff/people she'll be exposed to when she's away, all the opportunities with different blokes, parties, new surroundings. Maybe you'll be the 1% but don't count your chickens.

As far as advice goes - I would just try and get on with my life, keep some kind of contact with her, not too much though, without the bf/gf stuff in your emails etc, and maybe something will happen when she comes back.

LegacyUser

OP - it sounds like you're both falling for each other. She sounds like a girl who obviously has her head on her shoulders and knows she is going away so that's why she said what she said. But you can't help who you fall for either and it can just happen like that.

I suppose you have two options - one break up up with her now explaining why, saying you're falling for her and you don't want to get hurt when she leaves in September.

Or two - just go with it and see where it goes.. you never know how things work out, you could be sick of the sight of each other by June or something could happen in the meantime or you could still be be together come september and make plans for when she's away. An erasmus year isn't a full year and if everything else is working it's not the be all and end all..

My advice to you is to go with it and see how it goes, maybe have a chat with her about it if you like..

LegacyUser

Thmks for the advice guys, this is the first time in a long long time that i have felt like this for a girl, and the strange thing is i knew her to say hi to and have chats with before we started seeing each other, she always came up to me when she was out and i was working, and she would leave her friends go ahead just so she could chat to me.
She is exceptionaly clued in and we have very similar goals in life which is very cool.

I do think that if i keep it going it will go somewhere till sept and i know no one can forsee the future etc but then again as said above 99% of these relationships fail, and that really freaks me out if i do keep it going. This is exceptionally daunting for someone who avoided all commitment until recently, i had my reasons. Like i do understand that life goes on and that its not the end of the world when it ends. im not changing my life plans for this girl or changing how im living my life but the way both our lives seem to intertwine on all levels is rather scary, same travel plans, work plans, plans for after college all link up in some shape or form.

I think what scares me most is the fact that this girl has broken down the walls that i built up to protect myself, ( very bad break up two yrs ago, took along time to get over it, realised how pathetic and childish it really was now) and im just scared that if it does end ill lose more than just a girlfriend but a friend too!

LegacyUser

just go for it. lifes too short to be thinking about the future, september is so far away, god only know what will happen between now and then. you could be dead,god forbid. the point im trying to make is live for now, right now and dont worry about the future because we dont know what it will bring.

im not sure if you read many topics on here but there are so many people,myself included, that are miserable(rightly or wrongly) because we are missing that someone in our lives and you have that person so my advice is to go for it and enjoy even minute of it no matter how long it lasts.

LegacyUser

thanks a million, have to say your post has really hit home, yes i have read alot of the posts here and what you have just said has refreshed my memories of all the posts i have read and the times that i look back on and say what if!!

i think you are completely right! and life is too short, where is the fun if we worry about the future. thanks a mill, i needed someone to open my eyes!!