Biggins gets his leg over!

Biggins

Ok - now that I have your attention.... :pac:

...so I, Biggins walked into a house one day (hurt like hell) and there was this woman - no not THAT woman - THIS woman. She appeared to be on the phone line at the time - so I took her down.
No, I didn’t go all Jack Bauer on her - I took her down as in from a height - or a seventh or a sixth... (yes, I know that joke sucks like a 89 year old toothless prostitute)

...anyway... I slid over to her across the floor - we had that type of relationship, we did a lot of sliding (horizontal works best for me) - and I took her hand. It came off quite easily. WD40 is great stuff!
Holding her hand I said to her “would you like to come with me on a special day out”
She replied “Honey, any day you come at all, is a friggin’ special day for me!”

I looked at her cross - oops typo! - ...with crossed eyes. Me glasses was out of order. I’d one in each hand, both empty - and I managed to get her in a mini.
No, not her skirt, jeeze you lot on the forum have a one track mind!
MY mini - stop it ye are at it again - NO, Biggins does not have a skirt either!
For fcuks sake...!!! My car, ye durty lot.

So we were driving down the road when we saw a plane coming towards us. Don’t know where it came from.
Maybe someone threw it out of a carpentry shop window! Strange stuff.
I turned the the woman in my life, well actually ...in my car! “Honey” (I like honey, ya wouldn’t have guessed only I told you)
“Honey, we better hold on to something before it hits us”

Smash!!!

Through the window it came - it must have been sexually frustrated but there you go - and hit her in the right breast.
Could have hit her in the wrong one but I was fortunate - well not that fortunate. When the plane hit her, I gained four broken fingers!

So there we were in the hospital and she turns and asks me “Dear, what are we going to do now with the plane?”
I looked at her. It was either her or the wall - wasn’t a hard choice... and I said,
"Well honey, its like this. I have to leave you and go log in" - LOG IN - not logging - jeeze!!! ...”and do a bit of carpentry once again of my own so I will return the plane.”
“Really?” She said looking at me puzzled. Don’t know why, not as if there was a crossword stuck on my forehead!

“Yep”, says I. “Biggins here has to go again and do some woodwork. He has to make his ten thousandth post”.

Have a nice day!

shamblertine

someone read that and tell me if its worth reading

445279.ie

Happy 10,000th post

tman

So the FBI agents were in on the deal all along???

alwaysadub

shamblertine wrote: »

someone read that and tell me if its worth reading

It's Biggins-course it's worth reading

Congrats Biggins!!

tl;dr version :Biggins only fakes orgasm when he masturbates.

OutlawPete

shamblertine wrote: »

someone read that and tell me if its worth reading

It's Biggins 10,000th post, course it's worth reading.

4zn76tysfajdxp

The ratio of Biggins' posts that mention Mary Harney to the ones that don't is now 9,999:1.

ibarelycare

Happy 9,999th post

Edit: Oh it's back up to 10,000....well happy whatever post!

Retrovertigo

shamblertine wrote: »

someone read that and tell me if its worth reading

No, much like his others.

banquo

*applauds furiously*

I thought I used boards too much but I must commend your absolute addict status sir.

SugarHigh

Has about as much truth as a typical biggins walter mitty story.

Abi

Holy shit Biggins .. 10k+ since Jan '08 ? Thats some goin' :pac:



Congrats! 0/




Oh.. and thread title vs content = not fair! boo hiss! =P

shamblertine

alwaysadub wrote: »

It's Biggins-course it's worth reading

I don't care much for biggins, I find his vague bullsh1t rather irksome actually. He tries to make out he's some secret agent or something. In reality he probably works for a company that specializes in the collection and disposal of used tampons from the bins in pub toilets

Mint Sauce

10,000 posts in two years

:eek:

congrats

Biggins

Ya can't please all and would never try to.
All ya can do is your best, if you make an error, humbly admit it and move on. Try not to be bitter and sniping.
No better than anyone else here, I'm trying to keep the debt collectors from the door, take care of four kids and wife.
Then there is the tax man...

Cheers to all, ye keep me sane and laughing daily.

Seaneh

Worst... Post... Ever...

bronte

Aww Happy 10K Biggs!

Can we start calling him the Notorious B.I.G. ? Pretty please?

TheZohanS

shamblertine wrote: »

I don't care much for biggins, I find his vague bullsh1t rather irksome actually. He tries to make out he's some secret agent or something. In reality he probably works for a company that specializes in the collection and disposal of used tampons from the bins in pub toilets

Good man yourself.


Banned.

littlefriend

Congratulations Biggins.

This isn't an excerpt from your book is it :eek: ?

Biggins

littlefriend wrote: »

Congratulations Biggins.

This isn't an excerpt from your book is it :eek: ?

No. It would never sell if that was the case. :pac:

littlefriend

Biggins wrote: »

No. It would never sell if that was the case. :pac:

I didn't like to say . . .

Biggins

littlefriend wrote: »

I didn't like to say . . .

We're cool. :cool: :pac:

TheZohanS

Biggins wrote: »

We're cool. :cool: :pac:

Congrats.

Gonna close this before we get complaints.