can this work

LegacyUser

i told a girl i know pretty well i liked her recently, didnt tell her exactly how i felt because that may be too much. im mad about her. anyway she wants to be friends :-( and i suppose i have to accept that but im not sure i can really do that and pretend that im not mad about her. can it really work that someone you are crazy about and see everyday, can you just be friends? has anyone here done this?

Wibbs

I couldnt, speaking for myself anyway. Yea you hear about being all mature about it, but I figure feck that. Why put yourself in harms way emotionally, focusing on someone who wants different things(which is fine BTW). Focusing and possibly getting stuck in that place and missing other people? Why take second best, basically?

LegacyUser

ye i know what you mean, just seems like such a waste of a great friendship. been friends for a few years then recently i started to look at her differently. one of her friends thinks she does like me but doesnt want to risk losing a friend, i wish that was true but i dont believe it.

G-Money

Let's be honest, the let's just be friends thing is a bit of a false pretence. Society, tv and media has somehow concocted this notion that when you like someone and they're not interested in you, that both people have to be "just friends" and it's the normal, grown up, intellectual, high-brow thing to do. Well I don't see what's so smart about emotionally strapping yourself to a set of train tracks, especially when you don't really want to be there in the first place.

It's not clear if you've made this girl aware that you like her. It sounds like you are nuts about her so if you do decide to let her know that you like her, I wouldn't suggest letting her know how strongly you feel.

If it's a case where she knows how you feel and she still just wants the let's just be friends thing, then I say you should get some distance.

That's not being selfish either, and don't let anyone make you think otherwise. She has every right to say she's not interested. You have every right to say you can't be friends. She isn't more right than you, no matter what societies brainwashing might suggest.

If you can't be friends with her, that's perfectly ok and completely normal. A lot of people in your shoes would say they are ok with just being friends. But in reality they're not and they could very well be hoping that if they just hang in there long enough, the other person will see how wonderful they are and come running with open arms.

Be honest with yourself as well. Is it the friendship you don't want to lose, or the hope that you might end up with her? I think a lot of people confuse the two.

All the best OP.

seachto7

just tell her you have enough friends, and you don't need anymore....

that's pretty blunt, but it's the truth, and after reading other posts here, I have been in the same boat, and it never works...