Lack of sex thats bringing me down!

LegacyUser

Hey,
Right iv a major issue in my life at the moment and its eating away at me day by day. Im 22 male and never had sex in my life. This lack of sex is really getting to me. Even if I did get lucky I just wouldnt have much confidence in my sexual performance aand would probebly end up making an arse of myself in front of a woman i was interested in.

This leads me to something iv been thinking about doing for a few months but am unsure if I should do it or not. I was thinking about seeking an escort for sex. This would give me some sexual experience and calm my nerves when the time comes to have sex with a woman im actually attracted to.

The only thing I would be concerned about is wheter or not I would regret it in the future. It seems kind of seedy and immoral to have sex with a prostitute, but on the other hand if I dont have sex now I could end up going on for years without having it. Basically all I want is to experience it and be somewhat experienced when I find someone I really like.
I know if you pay enough you will get a repitable escort who is certified and free from sti's etc..

What to do I need to make a decision loose it now or end up like the 40 year old virgin??

Kevster

Dude, I'm 27 and have only done 'it' once, and even then it only lasted a minute or two and I didn't enjoy it. I have 'no time' for sex. Besides, foreplay is much more interesting if you have a creative mind to accomodate such things. There are many guys older then even me who have never done 'it' too. I am an administrator on another site with some 21000+ posts and I hav come across all sorts of people. I recall talking to one 65 year old man who never had a girlfriend in his life. I also speak to people who claim to have no interest in relationships at all.

You are 'just' 22 - There is still plenty of time for you - and there is no rush to have sex. It's not about 'waiting' and it's not about 'rushing' to have sex. It just happens when situations come together in your favour. Keep your eyes open for girls who seem interested you, and then get to know them better. With time, sex might come along but - if not - what does it matter.

You have all the time in the world.

Kevin

Hank_Jones

I would certainly advise you not to go to an escort.
Do you really want your first time to be with some woman that you have never met before and you are paying her for sex?
I don't think you do.
It's just that you are worried you are getting to the stage where not having sex may be becoming an issue for you.
Don't let it become an issue, you will meet someone and it will happen.

LegacyUser

Hiya, I wouldn't go with the escort route, you're not going to be a 40 year old virgin :P I am a woman the same age as yourself and never had sex, not through choice it just hasn't happened. Anyway I'd rather have sex with someone I trust and have feelings for. When it does happen (which I hope is soon!) it will be with someone who won't care about experience. An escort just seems really seedy and desperate, just chill the more you worry the more chance of it going wrong (I presume)

TangyZizzle

I dont get why people put so much emphasis on saving your virginity for someone 'special'. Since when did everyone become so romantic? Is there no such thing as plain old fúckin' anymore?

Man, go pick up some girl and blow her mind. The longer you wait the more nerves you will have when it comes to it. Get it out of the way now.

AvaKinder

wouldnt go the escort route. my ex was 24 when he lost his, and he's was great in bed. its the quality not quantity of sexual history.

Miss Fluff

Don't go with an escort, it has the potential to distort your views of sex in future. 22 is hardly ancient, and there are plenty of people of your age with no sexual experience. It's all about working on your attitude/confidence. You won't have any success with making it happen my continuing to tell yourself that it won't/you'll be rubbish/you'll make an arse of yourself. Any girl who actually likes you won't mind that's you're not Don Juan.

Mrmoe

At the end of the day, having sex will not make you a different person. If you feel that a lack of sex is a hindrence then go have sex, be it with either a one night stand or an escort you will not majically become a new person the next day.

Piste

Sex is totally overhyped, like Mrmoe said, you're not going to feel any different having done it. Sex is everywhere is is being shoved down our throat at every opportunity, so it's understandable that you feel as though you're missing out. If you're curious then go have a one night stand with someone who's up for it, if you're worried that you'll be awful just don't get her number and you'll never have to see her again- no embarrassment!

You could really regret going to an escort, would you really want to have sex knowing that the other person is most likely doing it as a last resort (I know there are probably escorts out there who tolerate their work, but lets face it, the majority are forced into it by circumstance) and is hating every minute of it? Would you really do that to another person?

A one night stand seems the way to go, it's pretty much like a free escort!

MicraBoy

I hate to burst you bubble but aren't going to be suddenly great in bed by sleeping with a prostitute once. Being a good lover takes practice. So you'll have to go repeatedly to prostitutes to get the kind of experience you are looking for.

That said I would wager if you learn the art of sex using prostitutes you are unlikely to actually be any good when it comes to the real thing. I'd say at best you will improve your stamina, but you won't know anything about making love, which is fine and dandy but I'm not sure its what you want.

I see you have two options. You take the opportunity to improve your pulling skills and teach yourself through casual sex with people you aren't really that fussed about. I reckon you'll learn heaps more about women and their ways, and also improve your confidence. Or secondly you wait to find someone you really like who you can learn from/with. I wouldn't under-estimate how nice an experience that can be, but does require a certain amount of patience. Either way I think they are better options than going with a prostitute.

I'd also reiterate what others have said. You are only 22 and live in a world saturated by sex. I would try and get out of this obsessive thing with sex.

You didn't really say why you have never managed to have sex yet, if it is so important that you are willing to pay for it, why have you never managed to score up until this?

Taltos

fendertele wrote: »

The only thing I would be concerned about is wheter or not I would regret it in the future.

Chances are - if it gets out - you will regret it - look for the thread here about a woman who has found her bf of 5 mts has slept with 50... Never underestimate the judgement you will receive...

fendertele wrote: »

It seems kind of seedy and immoral to have sex with a prostitute,

This is how most of us feel I think. Personally I do not think I could go that route - the thoughts of how I would feel afterwards, knowing I was with someone who felt nothing for me - just saw me as a source of cash - I am afraid the whole scenario is just not one I could be comfortable with.
Many folk do go this route though and some I am sure are Ok with it - I do have one mate who lost his virginity in the US going this route. For him it worked - well it did until another friend told everyone...

Look - why not just use what you were given to get that release.
In the meantime just go out and have fun. Try not to view women as something you must win so you can get your leg over - you will come across as desperate and women will smell that a mile off.
Try to be attentive, listen, smile and chill. The more confident you are in yourself without going too far the more likely you will be more attractive to the opposite sex.

Think this one through carefully - and then think a bit more.

cafecolour

fendertele wrote: »

The only thing I would be concerned about is wheter or not I would regret it in the future. It seems kind of seedy and immoral to have sex with a prostitute,

Honestly, if you think it's "kind of seedy and immoral", then you'll probably end up regretting it and feel guilty about it.

irishh_bob

replier wrote: »

Hiya, I wouldn't go with the escort route, you're not going to be a 40 year old virgin :P I am a woman the same age as yourself and never had sex, not through choice it just hasn't happened. Anyway I'd rather have sex with someone I trust and have feelings for. When it does happen (which I hope is soon!) it will be with someone who won't care about experience. An escort just seems really seedy and desperate, just chill the more you worry the more chance of it going wrong (I presume)

women are celibate by choice , a woman can get sex any time she wants , completley different case with men , i respect your possition but it is a lifestyle choice

seenitall

irishh_bob:

"women are celibate by choice , a woman can get sex any time she wants , completley different case with men , i respect your possition but it is a lifestyle choice"

hahahaha... good one, irish bob. I laughed - till I cried

OP, no good will come of fretting, and the escort solution doesn't sound like it would be a nice experience, as you seem to be worried about it from the moral point of view (as another poster noted already). Try and build up your self-confidence and then, and this is the key, meet as meny women as possible. You really have to be putting yourself out there, chatting to women, and learning to flirt and express your attraction to them. That step will usually lead to the next one of getting closer to some specific girl and doing what comes naturally.

When you first have sex, don't expect too much of yourself, and do it with someone you will be able to trust with the information. Don't keep your nervousness to yourself, share it with a girl you click with, cos if you trust her, it will be so much easier on you than keeping it a big secret and therefore putting even more pressure on yourself to "perform".

I know you probably don't believe this, however once again: you are SO young. There is plenty of time, but loving yourself and having self-confidence is an important first step.

Canard

I agree with what everyone else said, imo if you just had sex for the sake of it you could regret it. Even if it was unintentional, it might appear sleazy to potential partners to lose your virginity to an escort, and then the practice would be for nothing!

Just go with the flow.

((Also, is the title a Green Day reference or is that just me?))

the_monkey

fendertele wrote: »

Hey,
Right iv a major issue in my life at the moment and its eating away at me day by day. Im 22 male and never had sex in my life. This lack of sex is really getting to me. Even if I did get lucky I just wouldnt have much confidence in my sexual performance aand would probebly end up making an arse of myself in front of a woman i was interested in.

This leads me to something iv been thinking about doing for a few months but am unsure if I should do it or not. I was thinking about seeking an escort for sex. This would give me some sexual experience and calm my nerves when the time comes to have sex with a woman im actually attracted to.

The only thing I would be concerned about is wheter or not I would regret it in the future. It seems kind of seedy and immoral to have sex with a prostitute, but on the other hand if I dont have sex now I could end up going on for years without having it. Basically all I want is to experience it and be somewhat experienced when I find someone I really like.
I know if you pay enough you will get a repitable escort who is certified and free from sti's etc..

What to do I need to make a decision loose it now or end up like the 40 year old virgin??

I was in the same postion ... and was tempted to go to an escort ...
now as it happens I got lucky one night and that was that ....
no need ....

But ... to be honest ... all this bull**** about that "special person" is crap ... if you feel it will help go for it ... .

get some exp. and it should calm the nerves for when you
are with a "real" woman...

LegacyUser

I feel for you man, I'm 32 and I haven't had sex in 2 years after having sex nearly everyday for approximately 6 years (in 2 back to back relationships). I found this particularly tough because I actually need sex (I masturbate at least twice a day).........so while my some of my two-timer mates seem to be able to pull right left and centre with their cheesy bullsh*t chat-up lines (behind their girlfriends backs), I usually end up heading home alone with only my conscious to torment me.......where is the justice in that?

The thing is (and obviously, I've been on boards for years so I know I will be flamed for saying this) but I feel like living back in Ireland has only highlighted this problem for me. I lived in Canada and the England for a few years and had no problem pulling, the girls just felt like the were really confident and didn't back off when it came to the crunch like Irish girls seem to do. Maybe I am alone in this but I just feel that Irish girls can talk the talk with the best of them........but when it comes to walking the walk........forget about it!

LegacyUser

thanks for the replys guys..... Im still kinda in limbo bout the whole situation tho. Its like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. If i did go at least id have some experience and wouldnt be as terrified when it comes down to having sex with a girl i actually might have feelings for. I wouldnt be the most confident of guys with the ladies in general and have tried and failed sat having sex with a girl when i was 18 this still haunts me tbh. Can ye see where im coming from

seenitall

OP, you could now be talking about a guy I know who is 39 now, he was 18 when he first had a failed attempt at sex with a girl, and it so knocked him back that he didn't give it another go until he was 36 (when it worked). 18 years later!!! It is all working out for him at the mo, as far as I am aware, but also that big gap has left him with some definite issues of self-confidence. I can't speak for him, but I would have regrets for not acting sooner than that on my problems.

Not that I would want you to put any pressure on yourself, but your experience at 18 still haunting you is not the way forward, you know that. Don't let it become this lurking skeleton at the back of your mind, as it is only going to sabotage any future experiences.

If you feel that there is no other way for you than to go to an escort, then do that. Personally, I wouldn't recommend it for the various reasons mentioned in other posts in this thread, and I think that there ARE other ways for you (as I recommended previously) but I am not in your shoes so it is easier for me to give advice than it is for you to take it on board.

Good luck with it all!

Abi

fendertele wrote: »

Hey,
Right iv a major issue in my life at the moment and its eating away at me day by day. Im 22 male and never had sex in my life. This lack of sex is really getting to me. Even if I did get lucky I just wouldnt have much confidence in my sexual performance aand would probebly end up making an arse of myself in front of a woman i was interested in.

You are over-thinking this big time. It's not like you're expected to put on a big show of some sort. Just take it step by step and everything will be fine. You could read up on / ask friends for tips to help build up a little bit of confidence.


But one thing I will say is; even people that have had sex before need direction. Simply ask her what she enjoys, because this varies from woman to woman.

This leads me to something iv been thinking about doing for a few months but am unsure if I should do it or not. I was thinking about seeking an escort for sex. This would give me some sexual experience and calm my nerves when the time comes to have sex with a woman im actually attracted to.

The only thing I would be concerned about is wheter or not I would regret it in the future. It seems kind of seedy and immoral to have sex with a prostitute, but on the other hand if I dont have sex now I could end up going on for years without having it. Basically all I want is to experience it and be somewhat experienced when I find someone I really like.
I know if you pay enough you will get a repitable escort who is certified and free from sti's etc..

What to do I need to make a decision loose it now or end up like the 40 year old virgin??

No, I wouldn't go down this route. You don't want to have 'paid' for your first time. Just don't panic about it, and things will work themselves out.

sexdwarf

Kevster wrote: »

Dude, I'm 27 and have only done 'it' once, and even then it only lasted a minute or two and I didn't enjoy it. I have 'no time' for sex.....

...With time, sex might come along but - if not - what does it matter.

Just out of curiosity, how do you know you have 'no time' for it, if you've only experienced it once for a minute or two? Sex is by no means the be all and end all of life but I would have thought it does matter a great deal for a lot of people. It's certainly a very important aspect of my life. I wouldn't be basing my own impression of sex on the first time I had it, or I'd never have done it again!!

OP I'd say that sex is a great thing, a wonderful experience when it's right and a healthy and important part of life. It certainly is better doing it with someone you trust, ideally (from my own experience anyway) someone you care about, who cares about you. Much better than going through the motions with some stranger.

You're only young, why not wait a bit and see what life brings. Even a one night stand will be better than an escort, there's the thrill and excitement of meeting someone new who finds you attractive, rather than someone who's just waiting for payment. Surely that's just having sex on someone rather than with someone, world of a difference in my book.