Poetry: Anyone do requests...??

Damo123

I realise this is a bit of a longshot... I have an idea for a poem, that I would love to see written. An before anyone says it, I would do it myself but I am a terrible writer

So I'm just wondering would anybody here like to give it a go

Insect Overlord

Every individual you ask will have different perspective on the theme, so no matter how well you explain your idea you may never see the poem as you want it to be unless you try it yourself.

dawvee

You could do a competition like the Variations on a Theme short story one stickied at the top of the page. Describe your idea, see who submits a poem of it, and then takes votes on them. Just a suggestion that came to mind, anyway.

Damo123

Insect Overlord wrote: »

Every individual you ask will have different perspective on the theme, so no matter how well you explain your idea you may never see the poem as you want it to be unless you try it yourself.

I do understand what your saying. But I still think theres more chance of seeing an experienced writer getting it right over me getting right. Im not looking for the next Baudelaire either just someone with a reasonable talent, and I know there is alot of talent about because I have read so much good work from Irish authors

Anyways judging from the lack of responses Im thinking maybe I should give it a go myself... and then just post the finished result here and maybe somebody will give me advice on how to improve it. I think thats the best approach... I kinda knew this thread would be a long shot anyways...

pathway33

describe the idea and i'll see what I come up with.

reap-a-rat

Yeah, give us a jist of the idea and sure we'll see what can be done !

Damo123

Lads I didnt even see your replys till today.... (just hope it doesnt take as long for ye to see this)

Ok so I had a stab at it myself, but as you already know my poetry sucks so it didnt go very well at all.... and I gave up after a few hours


Basic idea - Mostly its around a guy. He falls in love with a witch (he doesnt know shes a witch).... and slowly she starts corrupting him and everything he does. But in her efforts she herself gets killed. Then the guy snaps outta the spell (no pun) and realises she was a witch and begins to see everything she done on him. But then the rest of his life is ruined because hes so scared of her comming back and the fact that he can smell her everywhere he goes. He ends up dying then because of his fear off her, but death only reunites them for eternity.



And for anyone interested in how far I got myself...


Mar a lonely man
twice heartly decieved
became cold, with love not in plan
for as such, another game gone fowl
may inspire a death too early recieved

On that fateful day in lieu
of a waxing moon he witnessed
a colleen softly picking rue
Her scent overpowering the thicket
was unlike anything he ever knew

Into love with this succubus he fell
As deeper it goes
and as his luck expells
he is evermore seduced
into her lustly woes


(Heres another version of that last verse that I was toying with)

Into love with this imp he fell
As deeper it goes
his luck expells
bad fortune is all he knows


(this next unfinished verse was going to be about her dying)

6 months go on
and on the midnight strike of May

(the gist of it was to be she was out gathering herbs or whatever (for more spells) but something happens her and she dies- something natural like she fell and banged her head, fell into a river something like that....)


oh and heres how I was planning on doing each verse...

A lonely guy

Meets this girl

Things go wrong

Then his girl dies
Spell broke

Realisation Fear and smell

Fear kills him- back with her


Anyways so thats pretty much everything I have. If you want to continue, edit or improve my work be my guest... or you just start it from scratch.

pathway33

Here's my effort. It's very simple and would welcome any improvement from anyone. I tried to keep to the structure you outlined but after a few hours was coming up with very little so I just decided to let the following flow. I was hoping to keep the same style you adopted but I failed miserably in that regard. I suppose simplicity sits well with me

That earthly day
A spell you spun
On me you say
I’ll have you won

Mine eyes deceived
Your evil way
Your words received
Kept me at bay

My free will gone
Your wishes lay
Granted anon
Too many day

And then your day
On earth complete
No more your say
No more deceit

Now I am free
To be my own
My life for me
How I have grown

To see your ways
For what they were
To end your days
Inside my core

But there you stay
Both day and night
At night I lay
Amid my fright

My nostrils sense
Your presence still
My muscles tense
I sense your will

They tense and shake
You evil one
To me a fake
From moon to sun

Cardiac tight
A breath that slows
Because of fright
The daisy grows

Am I at peace?
Not I by far
My death on lease
Eternal nous mar



EDIT: Alternative last verse??

Am I at peace?
Not I though dead
My death on lease
Eternally wed