Do I need an explanation or do I have all the info I need?

LegacyUser

My BF of 5 years (with whom I live)has been v. distant over the past 2-3 months. Practically no sex, little affection and constantly picking arguments. I have had my suspicions and have sneakily checked his phone on occasion but the only messages in his inbox were from me and there was rarely anything in his sent box (if there was it was to me).

Then a few days ago he left his phone at home while he went to the shops and he received 3 texts in 5 minutes from a number that wasn't registered in his phone. I checked his sent box and there were 5 or 6 texts to this number. One of them was just "xxx". My BF is not really the "xxx" type (I'm lucky if I receive a text like that)
I jotted down the number before he got back and later rang the voicemail and the phone belongs to a girl I have never heard of.

I confronted him with this and he denied ever hearing of the person then locked himself in his room to avoid anymore discussion.
The day after he texts me to say I can stay in the house and he'll move away (guilty conscience?) I told I wanted an explanation and he won't give me one. It leaves me in a limbo situation. I know something is going on but he's not owning up and I feel like I can't move on until he does.

My mind keeps trying to find excuses for him but when I'm rational none of them fit. I don't know what to do?

Sir Ophiuchus

You have all the information you need.

Your suspicions, what you found, and (most importantly) your boyfriend's reaction to it, make it abundantly clear.

Sorry. Maybe you just wanted external confirmation? If so, consider it given.

Miller Boy

I hate saying this to you but it sounds like the beginning of the end of your relationship. It seems to me that there's something going on. Often, if there's something secret going on behind the scenes, the guilty party shuts the other person out and it looks like this might be happening to you.

If you read your post again, you'll realise that, if you hadn't been the person who wrote it, you'd also be thinking that he was carrying on with someone. The texting, the absolute denial, the locking himself in the room, the offer to move out. It all points to major trouble. Hope I'm wrong but I don't think so. Good luck.

SarahSassy

From my experience, if you are not the sneaking / probing / suspicious type and something in your gut is telling you something wrong, then your gut is generally right...

You need to talk to him and he needs to act like an adult. I have been through the exact same thing and no matter how much I loved him I lost respect for him because he didnt have the balls to tell me the truth. He ran and blanked me rather than be honest with me but you know what, you do know the truth and isnt it better than not knowing. It will make it easier to get over him....

SS

PS my blood is boiling thinking of the spineless way he is reacting to this.

LegacyUser

thanks so much for your replies.
Having re-read my post I realise there's no point trying to find excuses for the man. He's obviously cheating and too chicken to confess.

I have to stop trying to find excuses for him!!!

I've taken the step of moving in with a friend as of next week so hopefully things will get better then. If he still doesn't have the balls to confess by then I'm going to just cut him out of my life -which may be a bit cold but I think it's fair.

Thanks again so much for your replies. Sometimes you just need someone to tell you what you already know.

seenitall

OP:

"I've taken the step of moving in with a friend as of next week so hopefully things will get better then. If he still doesn't have the balls to confess by then I'm going to just cut him out of my life -which may be a bit cold but I think it's fair."

Absolutely.

Fair play to you! You are one strong woman. Keep it up

All the best.

Miller Boy

I'm glad you've come to that realisation. Like SarahSassy, I went through something similar, although my situation wasn't at all as bad as yours (that wasn't meant to sound as callous as it might sound), and it had a good ending. But I had to realise that I was a contributary factor in the situation, due to lack of attention, affection, etc. Not sure if that applies in any way to your situation.

What seems to be different, in your situation, is the blatant denial-almost like, if he ignoress you and buries his head in the sand, you'll go away and when or if you come back, everything will be fine and forgotten about.

Well done on taking the big step you've taken. It can't have been easy after such a long time. Deep down, I hope what he's going through is a bit of vanity or a raection to a bit of unexpected attention or flattery.

You sound like a lovely person, and you certainly come across as the more mature person in your relationship. I really hope it all has a happy ending. Stranger things have happened...... If it does, we'd love you to come back and let us know. Every good wish.............

ilovetosing

SarahSassy wrote: »

From my experience, if you are not the sneaking / probing / suspicious type and something in your gut is telling you something wrong, then your gut is generally right...

You need to talk to him and he needs to act like an adult. I have been through the exact same thing and no matter how much I loved him I lost respect for him because he didnt have the balls to tell me the truth. He ran and blanked me rather than be honest with me but you know what, you do know the truth and isnt it better than not knowing. It will make it easier to get over him....

SS

PS my blood is boiling thinking of the spineless way he is reacting to this.

Sarah I like it your dead right about the gut thing! I am always right when my gut tells me something however!!!

U say she needs to talk to him and he act like an adult! I say tho - Dont even give him the satisfaction OP! There are a number of things you should do, he deserves to be treated like a child and with no respect so

1 stop making excuses and "woman up"
2 Take his phone of him next time You can and fcuk it off the wall.
3 Tell him your leaving
4 Kick him in the balls
5 Walk out

He deserves nothing else and tbh you wont get an ounce of respect if you don't do something!
Apologies for my childish remarks but he is a coward and a disgrace to men everywhere!

dublingal80

fair play to you op for being so strong. Cant believe you see these SENT texts in his phone and he still denies and then locks himself into his room!!! Pathetic! you are well rid

S23

I have to say I'm very impressed OP! Rarely do you see such quick and decisive affirmative action amidst the threads on here. Theres always a lot of procrastinating and making excuses for the OH and reluctance to face the reality of the siuation.

However, you quite clearly are a woman of action! I know it can't have been easy so fair play to you. Keep the chin up and keep moving forward. You're better off without the waster. Hiding in a bedroom :rolleyes: I mean really, come one ffs! You're better served finding yourself a man somewhere down the line than sticking with that child

Silverfish

ilovetosing, I appreciate you are new here, so please read the charter before posting.
Suggestions of violence are not acceptable.

LegacyUser

I find it really amazing the support you can get from perfect strangers. It has really help me stick to my guns reading your posts and I even managed a laugh at Ilovetosing's post!

He finally text today to say he didn't want to break up, which surprised me after the way he's been behaving. I asked him for upteenth time for an explanation which he sent about 4 hours later. Apparently the girl he was texting scored a guy at the weekend and mixed up her numbers and texted my BF by mistake. I'm pretty sure though that you wouldn't text 'wow you're up early this morning x' and 'xxx' to someone you have never met before.

Obviously my BF had no idea I had read the texts so I'm nearly finding his excuses amusing at this stage.

I'm almost packed and ready to move. Just off to Spar for some boxes (fingers crossed!)

Thanks again for the support

miec

Good look Op and well done, it has all the hallmarks of a cheat, years ago I was in a similar dilmena and your gut is right.

Sir Ophiuchus

unregunreg wrote: »

I find it really amazing the support you can get from perfect strangers. It has really help me stick to my guns reading your posts and I even managed a laugh at Ilovetosing's post!

He finally text today to say he didn't want to break up, which surprised me after the way he's been behaving. I asked him for upteenth time for an explanation which he sent about 4 hours later. Apparently the girl he was texting scored a guy at the weekend and mixed up her numbers and texted my BF by mistake. I'm pretty sure though that you wouldn't text 'wow you're up early this morning x' and 'xxx' to someone you have never met before.

Obviously my BF had no idea I had read the texts so I'm nearly finding his excuses amusing at this stage.

I'm almost packed and ready to move. Just off to Spar for some boxes (fingers crossed!)

Thanks again for the support

Well done on not buying his bull**** any more. Way too many people would vacillate, make excuses, convince themselves it wasn't true. You're obviously a very strong person - I hope this works out for you and you end up with someone who respects you as you deserve.

SarahSassy

Well done OP. He is a liar (obviously) and you are doing the right thing. As with my case, I really hope karma comes back to bit him on the buttock

daisybelle2008

Your gut instinct tells you everything you need to know. Always follow it, nothing else.