Can getting back with an ex work?

radiophone

Hi there,

Ok so I'm finding myself in odd situation at present...
its been about a year and a half since my ex and i broke up... but there has been times since then i've thought of us getting back together, and we've kept in contact and that during this time,
recently I've had the feeling again..... and I'm considering just going for it and talking to him about it, .... or should one just accept that a break up happens for a reason and move on ..... what you think, or has anyone experienced it before..... is it just wanting what i can't have or is it that he was the one ..

m@cc@

Before anyone can answer your query, what was the reason for the breakup? You should only consider a reconcilation if the reason is no longer there or at the very least isn't such an issue anymore.

Jemmy

Sure what have you got to lose? If your still mad about him and you get the feeling he might be then why not talk to him. Worst he can do is say no!

Wibbs

m@cc@ wrote: »

Before anyone can answer your query, what was the reason for the breakup? You should only consider a reconcilation if the reason is no longer there or at the very least isn't such an issue anymore.

+1000. Otherwise its doomed to fail again.

A.? yes it can and does happen. Often works better second time around, if the foundation of the relationship was a good one and the reasons for the split have been dealt with. Usually its not and they're not and the reason for getting back together are either selfish or not thought through.

G-Money

Who initiated the break and why? If it was you who ditched him, deciding now that you want to get back together may be met with a door being slammed firmly in your face.

I know if I was with a girl and she ditched me and one day decided she wanted to get back together, I'd be very sceptical. I'd be wondering why she has suddenly had a change of heart. I'd wonder what was different now compared to when we were together. I'd be wondering how are things going to be any different this time. I'd be wondering had she just got bored/lonely and was she coming back to me like some sort of safety net until she finds someone else. I'd be wondering if she was unable to find someone to put up with her behaviour so she decides to come back to me.

And if it was an especially bad break up, I'd be wondering was she just going to do the same thing all over again.

Obviously we don't know the details of your situation, and how/why/who ended it, but if it ended badly and/or you ditched him, you may end up disappointed.

I'm not saying you shouldn't go for it. In some respects you may have nothing to lose. However you need to base your expectations on how things ended. I'm not saying you treated him badly or hurt him, but if you did, that will no doubt be the main thing that he remembers. I know it would be for me.

road_high

Can work if it's what both people want and the issues that led to the break up have been resolved.
Good friend of mine broke up with her ex for 2 year, no contact at all. they are now happily back together for over 2 years with a child and all. So it is possible. Every relationship is different.
I know myself that after time away from previous exes that there is not a snowballs chance in hell iw ould ever go back to them. However, my current ex is a different matter entirely and can't see it changing much with time.

radiophone

grandmaster wrote: »

Who initiated the break and why? If it was you who ditched him, deciding now that you want to get back together may be met with a door being slammed firmly in your face.

I know if I was with a girl and she ditched me and one day decided she wanted to get back together, I'd be very sceptical. I'd be wondering why she has suddenly had a change of heart. I'd wonder what was different now compared to when we were together. I'd be wondering how are things going to be any different this time. I'd be wondering had she just got bored/lonely and was she coming back to me like some sort of safety net until she finds someone else. I'd be wondering if she was unable to find someone to put up with her behaviour so she decides to come back to me.

And if it was an especially bad break up, I'd be wondering was she just going to do the same thing all over again.

Obviously we don't know the details of your situation, and how/why/who ended it, but if it ended badly and/or you ditched him, you may end up disappointed.

I'm not saying you shouldn't go for it. In some respects you may have nothing to lose. However you need to base your expectations on how things ended. I'm not saying you treated him badly or hurt him, but if you did, that will no doubt be the main thing that he remembers. I know it would be for me.

ok so it wasn't necessaraly a bad break up but i did end it,was younger and unsure etc, and but yes i'd say that did hurt him , which i greatly regret, and I think thats the reason why i haven't asked him before because ye I'm afraid i will hurt him again if it doesn't work out, I can't predict if it'll work second time but i do know that any relationship i've had are started hasn't been the same, and now I think I've realised the mistake i made in breaking up in stead of maybe just taking a break, ....

G-Money

radiophone wrote: »

ok so it wasn't necessaraly a bad break up but i did end it,was younger and unsure etc, and but yes i'd say that did hurt him , which i greatly regret, and I think thats the reason why i haven't asked him before because ye I'm afraid i will hurt him again if it doesn't work out, I can't predict if it'll work second time but i do know that any relationship i've had are started hasn't been the same, and now I think I've realised the mistake i made in breaking up in stead of maybe just taking a break, ....

Hmmmm, would taking a break be any different to breaking up in this case? The way I see it, if someone wants to "take a break" but they go off with someone else then it's actually a breakup. I don't think someone can say they want a break, go off with some other people, then decide later they want to get back with that person.

You sound very unsure of this situation. It sounds like he got hurt the first time and you come across like you won't guarantee that you won't do the same thing again, or worse.

Based on your reply, I think you should leave him alone OP. I know sometimes people deserve second chances, but I get the feeling you don't really want to get back with this guy in which case you should let him get on with his life.

yermandan

To be honest OP,

The tone of your posts indicate to me that you really are not that into this guy.
If you are going back into it thinking that it mightn't work out then I'd say the best
bet is to find someone else who you really think it will work with and let him do the same!!!!

Just dont take the chance unless you are 100% sure that th issues that were there the
last time are gone. Again, the tone of your posts indicate otherwise.

The very best of luck

Abi

radiophone wrote: »

ok so it wasn't necessaraly a bad break up but i did end it,was younger and unsure etc, and but yes i'd say that did hurt him , which i greatly regret, and I think thats the reason why i haven't asked him before because ye I'm afraid i will hurt him again if it doesn't work out, I can't predict if it'll work second time but i do know that any relationship i've had are started hasn't been the same, and now I think I've realised the mistake i made in breaking up in stead of maybe just taking a break, ....

Maybe I won't win many fans on this one, but given the line above.... You said you hurt him the first time around, you'd want to be damn sure of what you're doing this time. And by all accounts, it doesn't sound like it.

Ask yourself why is it exactly that you are re-thinking getting back with him? My guess is you feel you are ready for a relationship now, and theres a bit of familiarity there. That is the biggest trap to fall into, take it from someone who didn't know at the time.. but found out the hard way.

I'd let him be if I were you, he doesn't deserve to be hurt again.