f buddies... in reality?

LegacyUser

Met a guy out recently, kissed and in our drunkenness discussed becoming friends with benefits as we both knew we wouldn't be compatible for a relationship but there was great chemistry! Have met up sober since and fooled around but not yet slept together. I guess as a "good girl" I'm a little hesitant... in theory the idea is amazing but in reality is it really a good idea?

FoxInATreehouse

If you feel comfortable being in a relationship as friends having sex and nothing else, then go for it. There are people who have made it work.

Be aware though that this can be a tricky situation. In a lot of cases it often ends up with one person having feelings or wanting more out of the relationship, and this can be awkward in the friendship.

You said you are feeling hesitant. My suggestion would be to be friends for a little while and then see how you feel about it as you just met each other. If later on you two are comfortable with the idea, then that is what works for you and there is nothing wrong with that.

vicecreamsundae

seeing as you're both on the same page about not being compatible relationship wise, i say go for it. if you're hesitant maybe meet up a few more times and just fool around without having sex to see how you feel about the whole thing.
only advice i have is that you make sure to always use condoms because it's not an exclusive relationship, but i guess that's a bit of a no-brainer!

John Mason

hmm, a conundrum


i was in a similar situation the chemistry was there but the idea of a relationship was never a go go on either part.

it was agreed fb - that was it nothing else , no feelings or emotions.

but after a while i was thinking this can a very good relationship we work so well together, then i decided "no way, never happening" and i was happy. he changed his mind - thought we can have a relationship.

are you happy with this? my ex fb's new girlfriends werent happy with our friendship and i misplaced a very good friend,

be sure of what you want and need - good luck

LegacyUser

OP here - Yeah it sounds perfect on paper.... I suppose what's holding me back is it's not what a "well-behaved" girl is meant to do (dam catholic guilt!!). Don't get me wrong, I'm not a prude, have had one night stands in the past.... I know you really shouldn't care what other people think but say you were a potential boyfriend, if you heard through the grapewine I had a **** buddy, would you think that was a bit slutty?

m@cc@

Sex can mess with people's emotions. Let the buyer beware.

Victor

thinkingwithmy wrote: »

say you were a potential boyfriend, if you heard through the grapewine I had a **** buddy, would you think that was a bit slutty?

I think it might put me off that you were in a relationship already*. But surely only having sex with one person isn't "slutty"?


* I realise that it would be a sex-only relationship, but I imagine most people don't like interfering in any relationship. So it would be up to you to end one when you start the other, assuming its going to be a committed relationship. But people vary in what they want, so it would be up tot he three people involved to decide their own participation.

Miss Fluff

thinkingwithmy wrote: »

OP here - Yeah it sounds perfect on paper.... I suppose what's holding me back is it's not what a "well-behaved" girl is meant to do (dam catholic guilt!!). Don't get me wrong, I'm not a prude, have had one night stands in the past....

Well you're clocking up way more notches on the bedpost by having a series of one-night stands then having a regular fcuk buddy imo. I think it can work very well indeed as long as it's safe and as long as you genuinely don't see a future/potential relationship with the other person. Then it can be SERIOUSLY hot and fulfilling your sexual needs all at once.

Peggypeg

thinkingwithmy wrote: »

OP here - Yeah it sounds perfect on paper.... I suppose what's holding me back is it's not what a "well-behaved" girl is meant to do (dam catholic guilt!!). Don't get me wrong, I'm not a prude, have had one night stands in the past.... I know you really shouldn't care what other people think but say you were a potential boyfriend, if you heard through the grapewine I had a **** buddy, would you think that was a bit slutty?

Hey OP,

I would be of the opinion that it's no one else's business who you have sex with. And I kinda thought that pretty much everyone would think that too and wouldn't judge you in this age of enlightenment:rolleyes:. HOWEVER, having seen quite a few threads on boards I am now of the opinion that if you do it you should keep it secret. Search some of the older posts in which it becomes very clear that there are quite a few men around that will avoid you like the plague if you have ever had a ONS nevermind a FB. I read one thread in which a girl was told a guy didn't ring her because she'd slept with him on the first date and how she was a s*ut and that that's how men see women that do this and that they are not "marraige material". Swear to god I'm not making this up (search the threads and you see I'm telling the truth). So my point is really that some people are judgemental and thick, i.e. that guys are studs and girls are sluts for this behaviour. Now that is not my opinion AT ALL, I'm of the belief that who someone sleeps with is their own business but just be aware that this could come back and bite you in the ass. Some guys are just archaic cavemen that still think women should be virgins until marraige and that it's grand for guys to f*ck everything that walks. It's up to you really, do you care if someone that backwards judges you? If you do care then don't do it. But either way I would make sure the guy isn't a chad that's going to go around bragging about his new FB.

Best of luck and if you do go ahead - ENJOY!!!

miec

I'll just pose a question to you and it is not intended to moralise but something to consider, do you want to have sex without the intimacy? A **** buddy situation requires you to hold something back of yourself and to have sex on a purely physical level. Is that what you really want for yourself? Also something that Victor said made me remember something I heard, which is if you are involved with someone in an fb situation, then you cannot be emotionally available for anyone else regardless of what you tell yourself. Also why is this man okay to have sex with but not to have a relationship with, what is so wrong with him on this level?

G-Money

Be careful is all that I would say.

I often see people posting on boards saying they're "fine" with just being f buddies or only having a ONS with someone or whatever and I swear, it always seems to me like they're trying to convince themselves that they are ok with it and they think if they say it enough times, it will become true.

The reality can often then be a case where one of the people who said they were "fine" with just being f buddies ends up getting attached. This then leads them to getting hurt as they want more but the other person isn't interested and is honouring the original agreement (to just be f buddies). Cue another thread about how they've become attached and want more etc etc.

There seems to be some sort of obsession in society with people having these casual, non-serious, open style arrangements with people and it's almost as if just being bf and gf has become old fashioned and unpopular. If I were to bet, I'd say a lot of people who say they're ok with just being f buddies, secretly deep down are hoping something more will happen but would never admit it until it's too late.

Why not just go find someone you like and who you'd want to see regularly and not just for sex?

Never had a fb myself but I can't imagine regularly meeting up to have sex with someone I didn't like. I can picture being disgusted with myself afterwards too.

Up to you OP, but tread carefully is all I'd say.

Good luck.